Girlfriends and Husbands

United States
August 3, 2007 6:39am CST
I really want your opinions on this one. I have a friend that is forever telling me that I am her best friend. My refrigerator went out the other day and she has one that she is not using and told me that I could have. She has been having trouble with her electric lately and I had volunteered to come look at it. I knew what was wrong and also knew that it would take a grand total of thirty minutes to fix it. I should add that my girlfriend works at night, online, as do I, normally. The other night, my husband, who works on a farm had come home from work at about 8:30, had to go back out around 10 to check on a pump that is irrigating one of the fields. He did not tell me he was going. I was not well that evening and had been in bed for about half an hour when I heard him leave. Thinking he would be back soon as this pump is only half a mile from our home, I went to sleep. At 5 a.m. there was a knock on my door. It was one of my grown sons friends asking me to call my son and leave a message for him. My husband was not yet home. I got online and noticed that my friend was not online as she normally is. So, using my Skype program I called her, asked her if my husband was there and she said yes. I hung up. A few minutes later she called me back. She could not understand why I was upset. I told her to keep the refrigerator and the husband and good luck with both. This woman lives about 20 minutes from my home. It was over an hour later that my husband got here mad as hell because I was pissed at my friend. I got an offline message from her later asking me what I was mad about as my man had told her that I knew where he was. Even if that were true, I told her, a friend does not have another friend's husband at her home with the two of them alone overnight. Okay folks, what do you think?
4 people like this
15 responses
@mamasan34 (6521)
• United States
3 Aug 07
Honestly, I know you probably don't want to hear it but your friend was honest with you when you called her. She did tell you right off the bat that he was there. However, was your husband honest with her? He told her that you knew he was there, so did you know he was there or there might be a chance that he would have stopped by? Truthfully, your friend should have used some sense and figured out that this is a late night visit and it is not appropriate, and that would have alleviated the situation. I will not have friends husbands over at my house without my friend being present. I don't want to get into a situation like that, with the exception that I was friends with the husband for a long period of time and I am ok with that, but late at night? No. Well, it could just be what she said it is. But I would do ask her what happened and seperately ask him what happened. If their stories don't jive then I would say one of them is lying and then you can figure out your thoughts and what you should do from there. Good luck with this! Take care.
3 people like this
• Philippines
3 Aug 07
I think they are guilty? but lets not jump into conclusion. Investigate first by seperately asking them what happen, tell them that you are not mad and just concern about what happen. But before hand pray first that everything will be allright, and will have a brighter answer,then, make a move after you talk to them seperately. One morething, if you tok to them don't be like an spy or detective, pretend that you believe them, don't ask so many questions, let the talk. If really they are not having a relationship, tell your husband to tell you where he is going not reporting to you but you being concern about his safety. Hope this helps. Stay in the presence of God.
@msdivine (22)
• Germany
3 Aug 07
i dont see the point either. whats so important that he had to go over there in the middle of the night, and couldnt wait for the next day? you should have them explain to you very throughoutly what happened that night and see if there were/are similiar incidents before you say 'forgiven and forgotten'. i mean, i know perfectly well why youre mad and your friend and your husband shouldnt act so innocently and get mad at you in return for noticing that theyre hanging out together at unsual times of the day. but dont write off your friendship and marriage yet, maybe theres really some reasonable explanation and i suppose you trust your friend/husband, dont you?
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
3 Aug 07
from what you told us, I would say that it is your husband that you should be upset with. Your friend told you the truth and it would appear that your husband was a bit less than honest. Put yourself in her shoes. If my friends husband came knocking on my door....I really would not be comfortable telling him to leave. I would not presume that he was here for any reason other than a coffee and a visit. If he told me that his wife knew he was here, then all the more reason for me to trust his intent. I don't think you should be upset at your friend for answering her door and letting him in....nope...you should be upset at your hubby for knocking at your door and not telling you where he was. I think you have a very good friend and that you owe her an explanation and an appology. Unless there is more to your story, that is how i see it.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
4 Aug 07
No I don't trust people easily...have had my trust compromised all too often. What I was trying to say was that your husband (if I read your story correctly) went knocking on this friends door. What was she to do but answer it and be civil to him? When you called and asked she did tell you that he was there. She was honest with you, I am thinking because there was nothing to be dishonest with you about. My opinion is that the guilt lies with your husband for going to visit her without informing you to where he was. It sounds as if he dropped in on her unexpectedly unless I misread something in your story and lord knows that does happen to me all the time.
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
4 Aug 07
ps...I am saying that maybe your friend really is your friend and maybe it is your husband you should be questioning.Either way, you are right and I agree with you...it is not a good situaton.
@cutepenguin (6448)
• Canada
4 Aug 07
I think it was a bit weird that your husband was mad because you were upset with your friend. I also don't understand why your husband took over an hour to get home. The whole thing is a bit odd. And the fact that your husband and your friend aren't acknowledging that the thing is odd is...well, suspicious. If my husband is at one of his guy friend's house past 1 in the morning, he calls me. And in fact, he tells me where he's going if he's going to a friend's place.
1 person likes this
@wackwy (96)
4 Aug 07
I think you shouldn't tolerate this kind of behaviour from your husband. He goes out in the middle of the night without telling you. He gets mad at you, while defending your friend. The very least that he could have shown is understand your feelings. No wife would ever be happy with this kind of incident. Now, if you don't tolerate this kind of behaviour, what's your next option? It may be very drastic; but come to think of it, if he has done it once, he will do it again. The very least that you can do is give an ultimatum. If he will do it again, then it's over. I don't mean him going to your friend's house again. But the act of withholding information from you, or being mad at you. And as for your friend, ditch her too. And her refrigerator! She has the option to say no to your husband's visit. She can ask him to come back on a decent time if she had wanted to.
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
4 Aug 07
I agree with you. Your friend should have seen that this was inappropriate and asked him to leave. Why was he there...did you ever find out...besides the reason that is in everyone's mind.
1 person likes this
@icequeen (2841)
• Canada
3 Aug 07
I totally agree with you...this was ridiculous..and for him not even to tell you when he left...what's up with that? I think you have every right to be angry...I hope you get to the bottom of this...good luck.
1 person likes this
• Jamaica
3 Aug 07
girl that is no friend she is a husband stealer and a family wrecker stay from her and as you said let her keep him too seems like she has been doing that for a long while
1 person likes this
• Canada
3 Aug 07
Ouch... I'm sorry this happened to you, Janet. Your husband being "mad as hell" at YOU really strikes a chord and makes me think immediately: "guilty conscience." There was no need for him to stay out all night without telling you and the fact that he is defending HER by being mad at YOU is not a good sign, in my opinion. Your friend did give you a straight answer and did appear to be puzzled about why you were mad (but that, in itself, doesn't make her innocent). I don't think your husband is being straight with either of you -- playing both ends against the middle, you know? Whether they claim to "understand it" or not, you have every right to be mad. I agree that it seems he had no valid reason to be out overnight at another woman's house. If this were me and my husband, there would be a problem because I'm not very forgiving of what I call "lying by omission"... good luck to you hon.
1 person likes this
• Canada
3 Aug 07
Your friend and your husband did not show you any respect. There was no good reason at all for this to have happened, and what's worse is that your husband lied to your friend, saying you knew where he was, when he knew you did not. You did a wise thing. I can see where a lack of trust was born.
1 person likes this
@apuroy11 (59)
4 Aug 07
If anyone loves you then he will not leavr you or share bed with anyone.If it is happend then he doesn't love you.
@nickventere (1423)
• Zambia
4 Aug 07
Oh yes, everything for sure did happen. Very unfortunate to have such a friend. The best she could have done was to call you the moment your hubby showed up at her place. Maybe that could have been less suspicious.
• China
4 Aug 07
maybe they are just friends. but the relationship between them is a little strang.
• India
3 Aug 07
hope itz de normal doubt arisin for every wife! to be more specific every married man or woman! thrz nothin wrong in yur view but yur limit of doubtz should be within a range n shouldnot exceed nor decrease! hope yo can understand! else lif jus getz pissed off! better try viewin in yur hubbyz view! shez her best friend or somethin but they r friendz n yo r his wife! so better hav faith in him! a doubtful lif is nothin more than a bin!