Hey, teens! (and parents) ... Should I check out my kid's MySpace page?

@wotfpatty (2065)
United States
August 5, 2007 12:52am CST
About a month ago, I was logging onto MySpace and I saw the log in box was welcoming a name that I know my 16 year old son uses. Now, I know my 21 year old has a page and that's his business. I don't snoop over there. But my 16 year old is a trusting, very open kid and I am scared to death that he will tell people where he lives or something that could hurt him. I have always brought my children up to have privacy. I trust them and and I don't go snooping into their business (unless I have a VERY good reason to). In turn, they don't betray my trust. I know my son is more into Magic the Gathering and RPG games than anything else but I really would like to see what he is saying and doing on MySpace. But that would go against the trust I have for him. If he were 13, sure. But he will be 17 in a month and I don't feel right about reading his private things. But I am dying to be sure all is well. Teens, what do you think I should do? And parents, what would you do? Thanks, this has been bugging me for a month but I haven't said anything to my son.
4 people like this
17 responses
• United States
16 Sep 07
279
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
16 Sep 07
Whatever.
• United States
16 Sep 07
yes deff
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
5 Aug 07
I've struggled with the issue of allowing my children their privacy as well. I think we each have to decide what balance we are most comfortable with. I have decided that it's okay to check up on my kids once in a while. I have done so at first without telling them, but eventually they found out. They were not thrilled, but I bascially told them as their parent it's my job to make sure they stay safe. Part of keeping them safe is checking up on them from time to time. They actually encouraged me to create my own myspace, but once I started using it, they didn't like it. They said "myspace isn't for old people" lol. Truth be told I've gotten away from it. The funny thing is that a few months back her boyfriend invited me as a friend, not realizing that would give me access to his myspace (they all keep their myspace on private so that only their "friends" can see it) He told her he didn't realize what he had done! lol Anyways, checking up on her myspace as well has other areas has given me the scoop on a couple of areas where she could have potentially gotten into trouble and has helped me to make decisions on how much independence to give her. I have no regrets about checking up on her and I think deep down, she realizes (or will eventually realize) that it is all for her well being. Good luck.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
6 Aug 07
It can get a little crazy there. I've seen a few things that I haven't liked and I've told her so. She deleted one comment that I found offensive. I've seen some of the poses that her friends strike in their pictures and if I think it's inappropriate, I tell her. Sometomes I get an eyeroll or an exasperated sigh, lol, I try to let her have her space, I don't fret over everything, but I do put a stop to things when I've feel shes gone too far past the line. Thanks for the best response. Good luck with your son and take care :-)
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
5 Aug 07
It's funny because I used to look at my older son's page all the time. It was nothing. Just his real life friends acting dumb. I was told by him it's not for old people too but I have a page. Rarely use it though. I guess I will go look at my younger son's page and then tell him. I feel better if he knows. That makes me less sneaky. If he doesn't like it, he'll get over it. He knows I watch out for him and worry about him. The people on myspace are just crazy! Not all, but the ones I met. lol. I assume my son has just his real friends on the page but I will never know until I go see. Then I will tell him and he will get mad and say I don't trust him and get over it. :) Thanks for your reply.
@pendragon (3350)
• United States
5 Aug 07
I have a myspace because of my 16 yr old.Go there. Trust me that you should go there and make sure everything is ok.Myspace can be a very ugly placeYou don't have to tell him you went there if all is well, the internet is for everyone, you may as well be able to see what anyone else can see about your child.It's your safety as well as his.
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
5 Aug 07
I have a page that I started when my 21 year old son joined (He was 18 then) and I went there all the time. Nothing ever was going on, thankfully. I agree that I should go check out the page and go from there. I may be pleasantly surprised that it's just nothing talk. I just worry about strangers who say they are one thing and who are completely different. I have talked to my son about this many times about the net in general and he has watched TV shows proving it. He's smart but you just never know. I am going there and just looking at the comments and his friends. Thanks!
@pendragon (3350)
• United States
6 Aug 07
You sound like a great mom.My kid had more than one page and was acting a bit wilder than I liked, it's why I get so ancy about these things! Good luck to you and take care.:)
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
5 Aug 07
This is actually quite a simple question. If he has a page on mySpace open for the public to see... that is everyone... including you. So there are no problems when it comes to you looking at it. If you objecting to what is on the page... it is another matter... and while your objections might be completely right... I would advise you to take the soft approach by telling him why it is not such a good idea to have such and such on his page. If you are angry at him for what he has put on that page and you demand that he removes it... you will be up for a big fight which will result in resentment for many days... or perhaps weeks.
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
5 Aug 07
Thanks for the reply. No I am not mad at him. He was never told he couldn't have a page. I am surprised though since he isn't very social outside his own circle. I suppose with it being open, he isn't hiding it, thus me going there is no big deal. If I see something out of line (I am worried about his friends, not him), we'll talk. One thing about us is that we CAN talk and get things out in the open. Which is why I am surprised he never told me about the page. Then again, I never would have told my Mom about a myspace page if there even was such a thing back then. I get along well with my kids and talk rather than demand and I think I'll take a look and go from there.
@ky1119 (698)
• United States
5 Aug 07
My son has a myspace. The agreement was that he could have a myspace account if I could have the user name and password. So, yes, I check up on him regularly. If my son was a little older, I might not be so worried about it. Things are different now than when we were younger, and it's amazing to see the things these little girls will post. I have caught some nasty messages to my son from girls that were very inappropriate. It's not that I don't trust him, it's that I don't trust others.
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
5 Aug 07
I think that is what I will do. Tell my son I know about the page and am going there and, if he wants to keep it, I need the password. Not that I would use it but I want him to know I am watching. Not for something bad he says or does but for the crazies out there who prey on kids like him. He's trusting and believes everyone is who they say they are. My older son only has people he knows on his page and he's very picky. I may also have the older (21 year old) son talk to the younger (16 year old) and let him know what a nutty place it is. My older son gave ME that lecture when I joined. And boy was he right. Thanks for replying.
• United States
5 Aug 07
I think that would be the best way to handle it tell him you dont mind him having a myspace account but that you would just feel better having his password just incase (Just for your peace of mind!) Make sure you let him know you trust him its just that there are a lot of nasty people out there! And just leave it at that short and sweet, and yes I would have his older brother give him the talk that your son gave you it would seem less like a lecture coming from his brother I would think!
• United States
5 Aug 07
i understand how you feel but you also have to look at it as it is a public board. anyone can see it so therefore you are not doing anything wrong by looking at it. i personally will not let my kids have a myspace account. i have one that i hardly ever check cause of the weirdos that message me. i know alot of kids that have gotten into lot of trouble through myspace as well. my kids arent allowed to use the pc online unless i am in the room with them i dont have to sit there but i will walk by all the time. as a parent you have the right to look out for his best interrest. i mean there would benothing wrong with looking at the older ones too as long as you didnt go harping about something on there. they are grown so you cant get on to them but it never hurts to have a look it is an open forum. as far as the one in your house eating your food etc you have every right to take a look and i would. i asked my daughter what she thought before i wrote a reply and she even said well if he writes for the public to see it why cant the mom look. also she said that if a parent thinks it is a good idea to see waht there kid is up to then they should find out. being a parent that just trust and never questions gives the kid alot of room to screw up and she even said if i let her on she would be in heaven lol. i told her fat chance. but she has a friend that has an account and her mom doesnt check it so that is what she uses to make plans and stuff that her mom would not let her do. she also got a boyfriend off of there that is 11 years older then her. my daughter said that is why she doesnt hang out with her cause she knows if she tried it she would be road kill. that and she doesnt want to get in trouble. so that was a teens thought on the matter too.
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
5 Aug 07
I don't think I would have allowed my son to have a page if he came to me. But he didn't which is such a surprise because we talk about everything. But he is getting to the 16/17 year old stage where it's all friends and I don't understand him stuff. I will look and, if all is well, tell him I saw the page. If all isn't well, I will sit him down and talk to him. I want the password for one thing. I have it to his email but never look. I just know I could if I felt the need. But myspace is such a seedy place. I have a page there and barely ever go on because of the crazy letters and messages I get from people. I will go take a look now and then we'll talk. We have always talked in the past and we're really close so if gets defensive, I will deal appropriately. I guess kids don't understand that we just want to protect them, not snoop into their private lives. I know everyone needs privacy but not if there is someone out there giving my son a line of bull to get his address or God knows what. Thanks!
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
17 Sep 07
I wouldn't go and read it without his consent, if he ever found out he'd be angry and probably even turn away from coming to you with any problems he may have in the future (in fear that you'll judge or go against him). Instead, you should just be like "hey I noticed you have a myspace page....". Just be cool about it and tell him that you're not trying to sound too paranoid, but you'd feel a lot better about talking about things with him personally rather than reading it online.
• United States
6 Aug 07
I would take a look sweetie, i know it seems wrong but it's for the best, People are doing crazy things on the internet now and websites like myspace dont help anything. I'm 23 i dont have any kids but i'm 7 months pregnant and i know the things i used to do on myspace and the people i used to talk to you. I say take a glance put your mind at ease.
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
6 Aug 07
I wouldn't log in as him or anything, but I would ask him to be my friend on myspace. My coworker is "friends" with both of her daughters and it kind of shows that they won't be doing anything bad on there. Honestly, how could your kid say "no I don't want to be your friend!" :) Well he could but that's just a good idea to make him do it. I'm 26 and my mom can read my page (b/c I'm still public) but even if I wasn't I'd let her be my friend to see it.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
6 Aug 07
do you really want to destroy his trust? is it that important? hopefully you have raised him right so that he is not doing anything illegal or immoral and just trust him...
• United States
6 Aug 07
I would have to check it out...sometimes it is really a surprise in a bad way..then I have heard some parents that they were really relieved!
• United States
6 Aug 07
I think you should atleast take a peak at it. Kids feel nothing can harm them and often put information (like schools) without thinking about it. Besides, if he had something to hide he wouldn't care as long as you respect his privacy.
• United States
5 Aug 07
As a guy around your sons age (18) i would have to go and say not to go snooping. Sure i know its tempting and you want to see and make sure everything is ok in his life but would you honestly want him snooping in your personal life if he had the chance too ? Of course use your best instinct and goodluck !
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
5 Aug 07
Well, I have an open MySpace and he COULD go there but I sure doubt he would want to. He wouldn't see anything shocking there though. I hate snooping. I won't look at my 21 year old son's stuff. I know he has it together and he has a life outside of me and I don't go looking at his private things. But this younger son -- h's very trusting and not as mature as some at his age. Still, he's smart and has been warned many times about things online. It is an open page and maybe I will just talk to him and tell him I am going to look at the page to be sure all is OK. At least it isn't sneaky that way. Thanks!
@alamode (3071)
• United States
16 Sep 07
I have a myspace page, and most of my family is on there as well. My grandkids are in my 'friends' and I have full access to their pages. I'm not shocked or offended by what they write... they are entitled to have their own opinions and to express them in their own ways. Being trusting and open doesn't mean your son is ignorant of the dangers of being online. Send him a friend request.
@angelface23 (2494)
• United States
6 Aug 07
I would definately check it out. You can never be too safe about those kinds of things. I would recommend that he makes his profile private so that people would have to send him a message first before viewing. Also talk with him about the dangers or giving out too much personal info.
• United States
5 Aug 07
I'm 18 and I don't have a myspace page, it seems like i'm the only one. I would tell you to check up on him because there are some sick and weird people online now and you don't know what could happen to him. It's really important that you know what he's doing in case it deals with bad stuff. My mother has a friend who's daughter has one and her own mother didn't know. So another friend told my mother and my mother checked out the page with this friend. On it she had pictures of herself doing things but which weren't too bad but bad enough to attract perverts and weirdos. Good luck with this and just follow your gut which is something I always do.
• United States
5 Aug 07
Hey patty, I know it's tempting to check out your son's myspace, I have a mother too lol. You should ask him to see it first. He IS sixteen years old so I should hope that he won't let some shady person know where he lives or anything like that.