Do you KNOCK on your own bedroom door?

@ZenDove (698)
United States
August 7, 2007 6:19am CST
When I know that my husband is in the bedroom with the door closed, I knock before opening the door. He refuses to return the favor. He just walks right in. It drives me crazy! It always startles me and it's just plain rude. Yes, I am your wife but that doesn't mean I've given up all rights to privacy and consideration. We SHARE this room, it's not his or mine. Do you think that I am asking for too much or is knocking before entering simple, common courtesy? Do you knock before entering your bedroom?
4 people like this
15 responses
• Australia
7 Aug 07
I am sorry, but I see no reason to knock before entering OUR bedroom. In my opinion, marriage is union. Marriage is no longer "his" and "hers" or "yours" and "mine". Marriage is togetherness. Marriage is "ours". What could you possibly be doing that you would consider your spouse to be intruding? Nothing! My husband is part of my life, and I am part of his. We share everything.
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
7 Aug 07
It is precisely because it is OUR bedroom that I feel we should knock. It is not My bedroom nor is it HIS. Yet,I did not stop being an individual just because I got married. I am entitled to private moments, even if all I want to do is sit and stare out the window. Yes, he is a PART of my life and a PART of my soul but that doesn't negate the validity of the rest of my space, identity and freedom. I didn't become some sort of one-celled amoeba when I got married. Thanks for responding.
• Australia
8 Aug 07
I didn't become one either. He complements me and I complement him. We are both richer in personality, in happiness, and in every way, simply because we share everything. I do not need nor want anything apart from him. We have no secrets. I did not intend, and I hope you did not take, my comments as degrading. You are entitled to your opinion and to live as you will, but you asked for an opinion and I gave mine. It has worked for us for 49 years.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
9 Aug 07
Wow, 49 years - I didn't think they made them like that anymore! Kudos to you and yours for your successful relationship. Obviously, I am still working out the kinks in my own of 2 years. :-) I know that it takes some of us longer than others to "unlearn" our single ways and learn how to be a couple. But I like who I am and didn't marry in order to not be who I am. Sorry, if I sounded contentious. I may be a smartass but I do appreciate advice, opinions and insight - expecially from someone with your wealth of experience. Thanks again.
• United States
8 Aug 07
My husband and I don't exchange knocks. We always kind of have this unspoken agreement thing. He plays video games while I'm on the computer. So the only time we're ever in the room together is if we're watching something on the computer or sleeping or just hanging out. But there has never been a privacy problem. We have our own time and do our own activities. But we'd never do that. But everyone is different and you're entitled to your own privacy rules.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
9 Aug 07
Thanks for "supportively disagreeing" - nicely done! My husband likes to be in whatever room I am in, all day, every day, even in a townhouse with 3 floors! That's great, it's really sweet. Still, sometimes I need the room to include only me. Between his kids and my kids, granddaughter, their friends and pets - sometimes, I really need to close a door and know that it will stay closed until I open it! A simple little knock would signify to me that my personal pause was over. Thanks for understanding and WELCOME to myLot!
@socorban (651)
• United States
8 Aug 07
Why knock on the bedroom door of you own house? I can see if your in the bathroom or something but seriously now, its the bedroom... Are you afraid of walking in on him doing something naughty or vise versa? Not that i don't agree in privacy of one in a marriage but its the bedroom, the sanctum of the house for you to, knocking denotes courtesy of "permission to enter". Why do you need permission to enter your own bedroom?
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
8 Aug 07
As I said earlier, he has a seperate bedroom that he has turned into his "hobby room", his tv room - his sanctuary. I would never enter that space without knocking if the door was closed. I'd just like the same consideration. Knocking could connote "notification of entry" rather than a request for entry. By the same token, a desire for privacy does not automatically mean secrecy. I mean, I'm not exactly hiding the pool boy under my bed! I'm just looking for a little "courtesy tap".
@mkirby624 (1599)
• United States
8 Aug 07
Neither of us knock to enter the bedroom. It's just as much his as it is mine. I understand your need for privacy sometimes, but I certainly wouldn't call it RUDE that he doesn't knock. He probably doesn't really understand why YOU knock. I think if you want time alone, you should tell him that you want some quiet time, and I'm sure he'll not disturb you. The only time I knock on any door in my home is when my husband is in the bathroom with the door closed. I knock to see if he is just brushing his teeth with it closed or if he's using the potty. I don't walk in on potty use.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
8 Aug 07
It's rude because I have asked him several times not to do it and yet, he continues. He certainly DOES understand what I mean because I have explained it in more than one way. He just doesn't think that it is that big of a deal. Fine, maybe in the global scope of things, it isn't. But it matters to me and that should be good enough for some consideration. Whenever I ask for quiet time, you would think that I was asking for a divorce - "Why? What did I do?" By the way, the bathroom is definitely off-limits, I don't care what activities might be going on.
• Philippines
8 Aug 07
it was never an issue to me and my husband, i dont really mind him coming in without even knocking, even in the bathroom, we dont lock the door
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
8 Aug 07
Are YOU a Mormon? lol Sorry, a previous poster asked me that and I'm still chuckling. Needless to say, the idea of ANYONE walking in the bathroom while I am in it, with or without knocking is unimaginably barbaric to my way of thinking! My husband would know to duck and run if he ever did that! (p.s. are you one of those people who talk to their friends on the phone while you're using the bathroom? Gee, I wish I could be that carefree and natural. NOT!) lol Thanks for responding.
• United States
8 Aug 07
o.k. that's a bit strange, are you mormon?
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
8 Aug 07
What does being a mormon have to do with anything? Are they more respectful of one another's private space? Do the husbands respect their wives more? Mmm - maybe I've been too hasty dismissing them as a viable religion. Fill me in, will ya?
• United States
7 Aug 07
My rooms, my house, do not need to knock. If I were sharing with someone then yes, I would knock, but if I am all alone, what is the point?
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
8 Aug 07
As long as you WOULD knock if you were sharing, that's the answer I was looking for. Hey, if you live alone you're absolutely free to roam however and whenever you like within your main domain. Lucky!
• United States
7 Aug 07
omg ZenDove..lol..here we go again!! i too go through he same thing..men..i have to wonder do they all read from the same playbook? You are so right when you say WE share the bedroom not his or mine its OURS..and its a form of common courtesy to knock..i knock before opening anydoor in my home..and you are right again about the getting startled part..i remember i had one leg in a pair of jeans and because he just walked in and startled me i of course ended up on the floor because i was balancing to stand one legged off the floor to finish getting dressed..as far as asking too much..in my opinion i shouldnt have to ask for something that is so taught when your a kid as to knock before entering through a closed door..and no ..your not asking too much ..perhaps we are both asking the impossible though..i mean when i say something to my husband about it you would think i grew an extra head or something, just the look i get ..its like" are you serious"..and for the record yes i am very serious..im married yes..but just like everyone is entitled to some privacy..so are married people!for god's sake PLEASE KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING!! its only right!
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
8 Aug 07
Are you an Aquarius?!! I can always count on you to see my side of things. I'm almost looking forward to the day that we disagree! :-) There's actually a post a couple down from yours where someone asks if I'm a MORMON! LOL All because I, too, was raised as a child to knock on a closed door before entering. And I know the EXACT look you are talking about - like you just grew an extra head...while slithering out from under a rock! And what is it with the whole "I'm married now, so I no longer count" mentality? Well, I bought a little latch-hook lock today. You'll probably be able to hear him bellow clear to the Rockies!
@myfanwy65 (1030)
• United States
7 Aug 07
We rarely have the door closed. And, we never knock. But, if you want him to knock, I don't think it's too much to ask. Like you said, it's your room too. And, it's not so much an ownership issue as a personal preference. If he respects your feelings, he should knock if that is what you want him to do.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
7 Aug 07
Thank you. I don't think that it is furtive or sneaky to simply want some privacy. If I were truly trying to "hide" something, I would lock the door. I just want to feel respected in my little corner of the world. Not too much to ask, I don't think.
@gyw2124 (41)
• Nigeria
7 Aug 07
theres noway i'll ever knock on my own door when its not close it really looks silly and awkward and to really be honest with you if aint got notting to hide why would you want your husband to knock on your door lets face the truth whats there to hide since you both own the room.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
7 Aug 07
I don't mean to knock on the door if it is NOT closed. But if the door is closed, it just seems polite to knock. I don't lock the door because that seems excessive. After all, I don't have anything to hide from my husband. What is the deal with "privacy" sounding like something to "hide"? DOn't you have moments that are just yours? My husband doesn't meditate - I do. Is it "hiding" because I prefer to do it alone and undisturbed? Maybe I don't want an audience while I pluck the hair from my chin or clip my toenails. Do I really need a reason? If I am in the bedroom and the door is closed - knock. Simple courtesy.
@Nardz13 (5059)
• New Zealand
7 Aug 07
Hi there. We never have to knock on our own bedroom door, my husband respects my space and I respect his, our room door is always open, we dont hide nothing from each other and therefore we dont feel we need to be kept behind a closed door, to get a little privacy... Personally speaking, to close the door in our house would be like I was hiding something...
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
7 Aug 07
It is not ever a matter of "hiding something". Sometimes, I simply like closed doors with only me on one side of it. He has his "hobby room" and I always knock before entering. I don't have a separate room of my own, our bedroom is the only room where I can enjoy a little privacy. I just would like for him to respect my space the way that I respect his. Thanks for responding.
• China
8 Aug 07
I think that you'd better lock the door in that case.Respect is a common courtesy as your words,my family merbers will not rush into when one working inside. hehe
1 person likes this
@gwendovere (1283)
• United States
8 Aug 07
I agree. It's rude. Everyone deserves privacy.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Aug 07
In all honesty, yes, you are asking too much if you expect your husband to knock on the door of the bedroom that you share. Your idea of sharing and of privacy are a little off, from what you said on your post. I'm not trying to be rude in saying this, but privacy in your bedroom from your husband is just, well, strange. I could understand if you expected privacy in the bathroom, but in your own bedroom to ask your husband to knock on the door is not right. Why on earth would you knock on the door of your own bedroom? That's just weird. Knocking on the door of a room where you don't live, or in the bathroom, a room that demands privacy is one thing, but on your own bedroom door isn't something that you can reasonably expect your husband to do. I would suggest that you maybe talk to a marriage counselor. I'm not saying that you need help in your marriage, or that you even take your husband with you, but that you sit down and talk to them about reasonable boundaries in a marriage and what you can ask of your husband without being unreasonable. Sorry, hope I wasn't too blunt, but you asked.
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
9 Aug 07
I don't take offense at all in your opinion or suggestion that I seek professional help. I find it interesting that a simple request for respect of privacy suggests mental imbalance. I like my personal space and I need time alone - always have, even as a child. I am not capitulating my privacy by being married, I am simply SHARING it. To my thinking that means that there are still some parameters that have to reflect my needs, as well as his. Besides, it isn't HIS own bedroom that I am asking him to knock on, it is OURS. If it were his, I would agree that it would be strange to knock. If it were MINE, I would simply lock it and be done with it. I think that every marriage is unique and even if there are some general "boundaries" that would be advised, I pretty much would have to set my own, reasonable or otherwise. lol Please, don't apologize for being blunt. I did ask and I am interested and grateful for your response. Thanks.
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
8 Aug 07
I don't knock on the bedroom door or does he. I would prefer he knocked or stayed out of the bathroom while I'm in there. I definitely prefer privacy when using the potty or taking a shower. I have visions of the movie "Psycho" when I hear somebody in the bathroom while I'm in the shower.
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
8 Aug 07
Well, I would probably GO "psycho" if someone ignored the "Ocupado" sign on my bathroom time! But that's a different kind of rudeness, altogether.