Cancelled Wedding: Is This Right?

United States
August 8, 2007 12:03pm CST
My husband has a cousin who was never married and nearly 40. She is a very independent woman with her own business but always had a desire to get married. Through the prompting of her friend, she tried out a Christian online dating service. Met a nice guy online, communicated for several months, finally met and eventually got engaged. She is well off financially, as are most of her friends. She had a very nice bridal shower given by a family friend with many, many gifts. Several weeks before the wedding it was called off. A few days later she sent out a letter stating that they parted on good terms. Here's the interesting part...she said she was keeping all of the gifts, putting them in storage for her "future wedding". I thought that was in poor taste...what do you think?
4 people like this
20 responses
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
8 Aug 07
I think a person should definitely give back the gifts if a wedding is cancelled. How rude to keep them for a "future wedding" that might or might not ever happen, and not include the groom many people who gave the gifts meant them for! How ridiculous is that! I think if I gave someone a wedding gift and they cancelled the wedding, I would declare that I was going to count that for every gift they expected from me (for holidays, birthdays, etc) until it either came back to me or a wedding happened. =p
• Indonesia
9 Aug 07
Yes, I agree with you lecanis. She has taken gifts for an occasion that never happen. So next time when she get married, she will receive another gifts from them again? Coz, it will impossible for them to come without presents right?
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
10 Aug 07
She may have used the gifts or discarded the packing, it is hard to say. No one really knows what happened or how she feels inside, maybe they parted on good terms and are still involved and to send back the gifts would be saying that it is really over. Maybe it is rude or poor taste, but she may not be adjusting as well as it appears she is. Maybe she needs a few more friends and a few less judges in her life righ now.
@squaretile (3833)
• Singapore
10 Aug 07
well, i've heard of something similar. this girl married this really rich man, and I'm not sure whether she's also very rich herself but she gained a tidy sum from gifts etc after the wedding. 4 months later, she proclaims herself 'out of love' and keeps all the gifts. I'm not sure whether this was genuine, but even if it were and she could not foresee herself living any longer with someone whom she didn't love anymore (i.e. it's a loveless marriage on the part of both), i think she should have returned whatever she 'profitted' from the wedding. I'm not sure whether she got half his assets as well. It's sad that such things happen in this day and age. Then again, the other party might not want to get back any of the gifts they gave. I've also heard of this case where a rejected man who proposed with a $10,000 diamond ring was so unhappy that when the women gave him back the ring after saying no to the proposal, he threw it in a river and it was promptly swept away. what a waste. :P
@FaidaATL (44)
• United States
10 Aug 07
You better believe that's poor taste! It is proper etiquette to return the gifts; not to mention, common sense. I'm surprised that this type of behavior comes from a woman who is very successful and, I would think, highly intelligent.
@archer1811 (1099)
• Philippines
10 Aug 07
Yes it is, and in her age it is very imposible for her to get married, and maybe cant have her own child, but what happen to the relationship why they ended if up? Confusing, but its better to part ways as early as they are than have a child and after 2 to 3 years filed for separation, how I wish that someday she will find the right guy for her, but about the gifts maybe she treasured all the gifts from her friends that's why she didnt throw it into the garbage, but it is hurt for her seeing those gifts on their garage for the relationship didnt worked. I also have a friend who cancelled his wedding twice, they actually have the schedule for the wedding and of course almost finished the seminars but according to him its only then when he realize that the girl he is going to marry is not the girl in his dream and not the type of the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life, and it happen to him again for the second time, but the second girl he was about to marry is a celebrity here in our country, though they also parted on good terms, beside they are still friends today and the girl still visits my friends restaurant sometimes if she have time they are both still single until now.
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
9 Aug 07
Lol--- I find it odd—I’ve never had to deal with a cancelled wedding though- Did you want her to return the gift to you? Then you could take it back- think of it this way- Next wedding you won’t have to give her any gift. Odd though!
@Buggheart (446)
• United States
9 Aug 07
Yep, I totally agree that it was in poor taste. The standard rule of etiquette is to return the gifts.
• China
9 Aug 07
I really admire your husband's cousin. I think she is a faithful woman toward marridge.
• China
9 Aug 07
Well,in fact,it's not good to cancell wedding.But for some reason,it's the right choice in your life.Maybe you won't know who's your true love until your wedding comes.So it depends on what you have chosen...
@andrejuly84 (1047)
• Romania
9 Aug 07
oh,sorry for they canceled the wedding.anyway she shouldn't keep the gifts.hope she will find a man really loving him to get marry.anyway she shouldn't get the first coming to her just because she neeeds to get marry.first she should find if he really wants to do this,if he really loves her.good uck!
@ketybhagat (4125)
• India
9 Aug 07
Its being proved time and again that the rich are the most misererly. They are the ones who hate to let go anything and your stroy proves it. It is in poor taste and i think one should draw her attention to the fact. She may not care for it, so maybe an annonymous letter ?The rich have sooo much to give and yet they sit upon whats theirs and also anyone elses they can lay their hands on. Poor poor rich.
• India
9 Aug 07
oh.. thats so rude and poor in taste... she should ahve returned the gifts.. and to send out a letter is all the more cheap..
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
9 Aug 07
Very poor taste. If the wedding is canceled you don't get to keep the gifts unless the person who gave it tells you to go ahead and keep it. She should have returned the gifts. Keeping them makes her come across as selfish. And why doesn't the groom get to keep some of the gifts for his "future wedding?"
• India
9 Aug 07
married necessary for every one.because every one need every life partner.u know tne reason why he is not married? and someone not a hurt in your husband cousin.
@cefaz_21 (2597)
• Philippines
9 Aug 07
I find it funny, cancelling the wedding but keeping all the gifts..except of course if the giver of those gifts told her that she can keep them.. You mentioned she's well-off, I don't think she would need all the gifts, if she need it then she could easily buy one. It's just not proper I guess.
• Canada
9 Aug 07
Definitely poor taste , she should have given the gifts back as most people won't be as considerate the next time around and the gifts were meant for her and her new husband so I am sure that his side must have bought some of the gifts as well and that is just rude to keep something that wasn't meant for you alone . She could end up insulting a lot of people over this and losing some good friendships because she is coming across as just being greedy and seeking materialistic items .
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
9 Aug 07
I don't think that's her choice to keep the gifts. From firsthand experience, I can tell you that when my engagement was broken, I offered to return all the gifts I received. Everyone told me to keep the gifts. I was very young at the time and almost everyone said that I would probably get married sooner or later and that I should keep the gifts for that time. I never expected the same people though to give me another gift when I finally did get married. If the wedding is called off by either party, the bride and groom should offer to return the gifts and let the gift givers decide whether or not they should be returned.
@icequeen (2841)
• Canada
8 Aug 07
I would have to agree. I think she should have returned the gifts and thanked everyone who sent one....
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
8 Aug 07
I think keeping the gifts was in poor taste. My cousin almost got married years ago to the son of a well known dentist, but she cancelled the wedding the day before it. She has never married. For many years she has been all over the world working for the state department. She has a couple of adopted children and is happy.
@myfanwy65 (1030)
• United States
8 Aug 07
I think it is in very poor taste. I'm sure some of the gifts were from the groom's side. I'm also sure most of those people wouldn't want to give her gifts if she is not marrying the specific groom that is related to them or friends to them. Why would they? She should at least send those gifts back. Sounds like she is very selfish.