If he cheated on you, would you want to know the truth?

I have been married over 20 years. If my husband cheated on me once a long time ago maybe when he was out with friends or something and never again, I don't need to know. All it would do is upset me and make me not trust him even if it was years ago and never again. What good would it do for me to know now? However, if he had a real affair with emotions attached and it was an ongoing thing at any point, yes, I deserve to know. I want to decide whether I want to work it out,figure out what went wrong that he turned to someone else, and whether I want to stay with someone who has shared so much intimacy with someone else. I really do think a lot has to do with when it was and what type of "cheat" it was. When I first met him and we were together, he was a very popular ladies man who worked at a bar at night bouncing (during the day welding). If he cheated back then, I don't even need to know. If it was last year or last night, yeah, I want to know. We would have to work it out and discuss what caused it and where to go from here. I would NOT automatically decide to leave. I believe in communication and I would have to know everything first and discuss things at length before making any decisions. We shared 20 years. I am not walking out without being 100% sure that is what I need to do. Good topic!

Yes, I still want to know the truth about it. I guess if you dont have the clue that your partner is cheating on you then there will be no realization but as soon as you discover that your partner is cheating on you would you still prefer not to know anything at all? Me, I guess that it is better that you know already, atleast you can solve the problem earlier. Cheating doesnt always mean saying goodbye... if you really love your partner.. the cheating one then probably you can talk and discuss what you should do so that you can solve the problem... Talk to him/her and ask her/him what is lacking and missing taht he settle for another. If you think you can solve it... then you should count it to couples trials and move on with your life, trying to make things back to normal and making love a little more alive. But if not, then you could go on with your life without him. I guess its better at least you know so its fair that you can decide for yourself. Relationship is sometimes rocky and there is nothing you can do about it. You must face it and solve it in any way you know...whether together or not

that is a good question, i often ask myself the same question. I often wondered if he is/has,but i don't think i could handle knowing, don't think i could handle it. I wouldn't be able to stay with him and that would mean breaking up the family.

Well, I was married for over 8 years and have 2 children with him. I found out he cheated with someone super close to me and she was pregant by him, actually I didnt know it was his til the baby was born, so as soon as I found out I was out of there. I never went back. what am I gonna stay for? just so he can do it again?? I know if I had stayed he would just continue. it was better for me to just walk away, now my life is so much better without him I am a new person. I am happier. If he loved me and wanted to be with me he would have remained faithful. but he didn't and I wasn't about to keep being hurt like that. If the man I am with now cheated on me, it would be the same thing. he would have to leave.

if i caught him in the act, there's no need for explanation.. what i see is what i saw.. no need to explain and believe on him and then prove my stupidity..

Hi beautyqueen26! I remember someone saying that, "What he or she doesn't know won't hurt her"...that is true, you can't be hurt if you wouldn't know about the cheating but for how long would that secret remain hidden from you? I would prefer to know the truth than be left in the dark because I would rather deal with it than be played for a fool. Of course, that will hurt me big time but still, I prefer the truth no matter what. Well, this is just my view. Have a nice day and take care.

I would want to know- only for the fact that I would leave- or have him leave- Honesty is the most important thing in a marriage or relationship- Cheating breaks that honesty- I’m pretty sure that would be it for the relationship- Their would be no more trust- and I would not live that way- worrying every time he left if he was with someone else- No thanks!

I'd want to know and right away. I think if you don't find out, it's kind of a cue to them that it's acceptable behavior and you don't care. I want to know and I want to know exactly what happened so I can decide whether or not I want the relationship to continue. I don't find cheating acceptable and I'd rather not stick around with someone that enjoys doing it, especially when it comes down to the really major stuff, such as sleeping with a partner several nights a week, not treating me with respect and like I'm a part of their lives, that sort of thing.

My exhusband cheated on me. But I really didn't find out until I had already left him. And even then it hurt. So I guess maybe I wouldn't want to know.

yes i want to know the truth twos a couple three is a crowd you can't have it both ways and want to have a trusting and loving relationship i would want to know the reason why they cheated and maybe work it out but i would be cautious i don't know if i could truly trust them again so perhaps it would be better if i left

hard question indeed. i would rather hear it from him if thing got public of course. but in general i do not now, i think i would rather know the truth. it is hard to me to say how would I react in a situation i have never been into. i was cheated on once it sucked but the guy who cheated on me did not mean a lot to me yet (early beginnings of a relationship and technically he did not cheat on me but he cheated on his other girlfriend the feeling sucks anyway when you find out) so it was not hard to let it go. but if this happened in a relationship that meant a lot to me i really do not know. i can't say that i would dump him as i can not say that i would not. well just hope the situation never comes so i will not have the answer to your question.

if you think that your partner is trueful, you don't need to hear anything. But if he is untrueful, do not hear anything. It's not neccessary for you.

I feel it is important to remember that we have choices in all matters. I believe we must consider the circumstances under which any infidelity occurs as well as if the problem is persistent. There are a great deal of trust issues at stake in the matters of cheating. If the unfaithful spouse decides to "come clean", there then has to be a re-establishment of trust that not only is the affair over, but also that it will not happen again. If the spouse insists that he/she has been faithful, the questioning spouse must decide at that time whether or not to accept his/her spouse's word as truthful. Making the decision to leave or continue a marriage where infidelity is an issue must include the potential emotional damage to any children in the marriage, no matter how old. Not only is the parents' ability to communicate and be emotionally available to those children very likely to be compromised, but also the exposure of older children to a parent's infidelity would certainly affect the child's ability to develop healthy relationships.

If you trust him,just believe him ,maybe he has some unavoidable reason to do it.

If it were my husband, I wouldn't care either way. But if it were my boyfriend, I would like to know. With a boyfriend, you are not bound by a marriage, and if he is so unhappy that he needed someone else, then i would want to know so if it wasn't working then we should break. But with a marriage, I wouldn't care because I am not going anywhere so he could have his girlfriends but I am not leaving.Why go through all the stuff you do to be married just to leave because someone cheated?

I wouldn't automatically leave if someone was cheating on me, I would I suppose expect to know before the cheating started. So yes painfully honest is better than blissfully ignorant, at least my life would not be a lie. I would prefer to know what is really going on around me and in my life, if there was a problem that needed attention something I or those who mattered to me needed to work on in our lives. Because to be honest I doubt that things can just drift eventually the could then just drift away. Especially if it is an issue of cheating, because people who cheat are looking for something they are not finding in their marriage, and it could be something very complicated or something simple, but like any thing you ignore it, doesn't mean it goes away. example, person gets a pain, they are not feeling well but they ignore it and hope it goes away and yeah sometimes they get better more often than not they get worse. If a relationship has a problem ignoring it won't make it go away it won't fix it, then one day the person doing the cheating decides to walk away from the relationship and the person in ignorance has no idea what went wrong, and it is to late to fix or work on things. So for me I would prefer he said he was considering cheating before he did, and work on it from there but if he did then I would want to know what happened and go on from there.

Very good question. Yes and no. I'd want to know as I wouldn't want to get an STD. Plus, how am I supposed to kill my husband if I don't know about it? :P LOL And no, I wouldn't want to know as I wouldn't want to break up my family. My dad had an affair while my parents were married. My mom and dad tried to work it out, but in the end they got divorced. I'm sure my mom has felt guilty about splitting up the family.She used to say that maybe she should have stayed with him anyway. But staying together wouldn't have been right and it would have taught her kids that it is okay to cheat or be cheated on. What kind of moral values is that? :(

IF a friend do someshings i did not know,and cheated me,if the things were not serious ,i did not care of ,so i didn't want to know what happy,course i believe him ,maybe it is unfair!sometimes it was the goodwill falsehood,than if contrary speak about ,my choice is listenad to,very good analysis is clear if the problem is unable woeds,i think that i have not certainly need in having spoke down, if you do not think of accept the bar hurting ,choosing a departure!

i know that "what you dont know does'nt hurt you" but i still wanna know cheating is a big issue for me that we have to sit down and talk..why it happened and after hearing it then it's up to me if i can still take him for whatever reason it was.

I would rather know the truth rather than live in the dark. I know sometimes truth hurts but that's what makes us human. That's what makes life interesting. Moving on. Living on. That makes life very beautiful because everything is full of surprises. Some might make you happy, others makes you sad but what can I say, we're not perfect.