What if you found out your friend was talking ill of you, behind your back?

@vinzen (1022)
India
August 18, 2007 3:56am CST
Hi, i just wanted to find out, as to how would you react, if you ever found out that the one good friend that you ever had, was not after all your best friend, and had istead being lying and talking ill about you, behind your back. What would your reactions be then. How would you deal with him or her? Would you confont, talk out and ask them why they are doing this. Or would you break up your age old friendship and walk away. Would you prefer to try to make up and resolve things or prefer to end such a friendship. What would mean more to you, forgiving such a friend, who back stabbed you or trying to make amends?
4 people like this
10 responses
@mfairuz (15)
• Malaysia
22 Aug 07
Hurm...its sound same problem as me. Well...i would prefer to talk out..work something out to clear the problem with them. But stabbing at the back s more painful than anything else in friendship. For this attitude...i would rather break the friendship after having a little talk face to face. Once they stab at the back...they will be twice n more. Try to get someone else to be ur friend. Someone that u can truely trust her/him. Its sound easy...but trust me it wasn't.
@vinzen (1022)
• India
23 Aug 07
Hi, and a very warm welcome to mylot, as i see that you have just about joined mylot, and hope you are liking it too. Yes, i too would think that we should at least try to make things work, as its a long association , that you have this one good friend too, so why not keep in touch and try to make things work, but despite that, if nothing seems to work, then we should let go and leave that friendship and maybe try for another one. Though i would also say, as we grow older, with time, its very rare that we are bale to make good, true, best friends again. But yes, nothing is impossible too, thanks for your reply.
@secretbear (19463)
• Philippines
22 Aug 07
i'd surely be devastated! and 100% pissed. ^__^;; i dont think it had ever happened to me before, at least none that i know of.. oh yeah! this has happened to me! but the people backstabbing me were really not my friends. they were only my orgmates back when i was in college. they were older than me and when i learned that they were talking trash about me behind my back, i couldnt help but get pissed and cry. T.T i vented it out on my boyfriend which was a relative of those b*tches. LOL i just ignored them and continued as i am. they were just insecure because i was good in dancing and they were not. LOL but if it was a friend, i dunno... i'd probably be heartbroken and would just avoid her/him. im not good at talking and confrontations...
1 person likes this
@vinzen (1022)
• India
22 Aug 07
Thanks for the reply.
2 people like this
• Philippines
22 Aug 07
I would truly be hurt. Worse of all, I will be angry. I never like it when people talk behind my back. Even if they are friends of mine. I like it more when people tell me directly if there is something wrong. At least if they would do this, we would be able to resolve any problem that wont be resolved if they will just talk behind me.
1 person likes this
@vinzen (1022)
• India
22 Aug 07
Thanks for the reply. I agree with you, that if you are true friends then you should have the courage to face up to your friend and talk to them frankly, about their plus and minus points as well. And do it face to face.
1 person likes this
• Hong Kong
21 Aug 07
I had a best friend like that! And I eventually ended up confronting her and asked her what was wrong with her inventing all those stories behind my back and talked bad about me. The reason I confronted her not because I wanted her to know that she was wrong, it was just because that I wanted her to know that I wasn't an idiot and I knew what she was doing behind my back. Then I gave her up and never talked to her again. I have absolutely no feeling towards her now but I wouldn't want to waste my time talking to such a person again.
@vinzen (1022)
• India
21 Aug 07
Thanks for responding. I agree with you, and as you have under gone this, it must have been rather painful for you too, to go through all this. But, its good that you confronted her and got to know maybe, why she did this. i still wonder, as to how people, that too close friens can be like this.
1 person likes this
@wonderful1 (2075)
• China
20 Aug 07
i would break up my age old friendship and walk away. If someone is my friend, i can't talk ill of her/him, behind his/her back. if i make a friend with someone, i must respect her/him, if someone talk ill of her/his friend with me, then i don't talk with him/her at all. i hate those kinds of people.
1 person likes this
@vinzen (1022)
• India
20 Aug 07
Thanks for the response, yes i do agree with you, that such people arent meant to be called friends any longer and breaking away maybe the only answer, ust that its such a age long association,and if we have feelings and emotions, its very tough to break away that easily too. Agreed that we arent like those people and we cannot hurt anyone nor talk ill of friends behind that back, so we dont expect them also to talk ill of us, as we are good, we expect them to be the same, and it hurts a lot when they talk ill and make fun of us. It does mean that they arent real, true friends. But they were alright all these years, then what happened all of a sudden i wonder.Anyways, thanks allthe same for sharing your opinions with me.
1 person likes this
@JoyfulOne (6242)
• United States
19 Aug 07
I've had this happen a couple of times throughout my life. It's always a surprise to find out somebody who purports to be a good friend truly isn't! I just usually fade out contact with them. You know: "too busy to get together", "don't have time to talk on the phone right now..." I never could see a reason to confront somebody like that. Sure, I'll forgive them for being that way, but it doesn't mean that I'll continue the friendship, because that's not what friends do to each other, or how they should treat each other. The way I see it is if you try and make amends, what point is it? Nine chances out of ten they will not have mended their ways and will probably keep on doing it. Having a two-faced friend is not a fair friendship, nor is it worth the headache and heartache (no matter what their motivation behind their actions are!)
@vinzen (1022)
• India
20 Aug 07
Thanks for your reply, and yes i agree with you that we should not waste much time with such kind of people, as if they ahve done it once they are likely to do it again, and such so called friends cannot be trusted again, as friendship is purely based upon mutual trust, understanding, feelings and emotions and once you know that they have broken them, its no point trying to go back to them, unless of course you learn that they did it under some different kinds of circumstances. But some people do feel that if this friend was a really just one good friend that you had, i mean just 1 such friend, whom you have known for years and never expected them to behave this way, would you still not try to make amends?
1 person likes this
18 Aug 07
i would screw her boyfriend. i know they all want to.
1 person likes this
@vinzen (1022)
• India
18 Aug 07
Thanks for your response. I was thinking that maybe as she was a good friend of yours, wouldnt you want to ask or talk out with her, as to why she did and behaved this way. this of course if you wanted to keep your friendship with her. If you felt that shes not worth it, then of course you are free to feel and do as you please. I was just asking , wanting to know what people feel about this.
2 people like this
@andyliuzn (1029)
• Guangzhou, China
2 Sep 07
Well, that depends on what he/she is talking about me, if all he/she is talking is corrent, I would try to correct it. If he/she is just trying to talking ill of me without any proof, I would be angry but would still talk with him/her directly to see if he/she has misunderstood me or not. If he/she still doesn't change at all after I have explained the trutn to him/her, well, I would finally say good bye to him/her, since he/she is not worthy making friends with any more.:( Andy
@vinzen (1022)
• India
2 Sep 07
Thanks for responding, and i think you deserve the best response too! I too think we do need to analyse the situation fully first and then taking any action.
1 person likes this
@andyliuzn (1029)
• Guangzhou, China
3 Sep 07
Thank you for the same feeling here. I do hope freinds could be friends forever even thought there might be some misunderstanding happening sometimes:) Good luck. Andy
@indiavani (865)
• India
5 Sep 07
Hello Vinzen! First of all I'll ask her/him why he/she is talking ill about me. If there has been any misunderstanding, I'll try to clear it up & be good friends as earlier. But if he/she is talking ill about me without any reason/some jealousness, I'll talk to him/her straight away about it & break off friendship because if he/she is talking ill about me, he/she is not worth being my friend...vani^_^
@vinzen (1022)
• India
5 Sep 07
Yes, you are right, at least we shoud give it a try first, after all we were good friends earlier, and still if nothing works, then its better to leave things and let go. Thanks for replying.
@eliezl (766)
• Philippines
4 Sep 07
i will talk ill of her too..that way we will be both equal LOL =) and that way, ill be teaching her a lesson about how it feels being gossiped! =)
@vinzen (1022)
• India
4 Sep 07
Thanks for replying. Have a nice day :)