My family envy...

Stop it. You are a fine person. You exist ans you are as valuable as the person with two loving parents.Not everyone ha the "perfect" family growing up. And some of those " perfect" families weren't perfect.They seemed okay but....And don't think of your self as " dirty". What is so great about life is you can make your own family. Either by marrying and have a family or having a great group of friends.It isn't too late to have the " perfect" family.Being a little envious of a loving family is nature but feeling like there is something wrong with you because you didn't have it growing up is not right.You can't change the past , but the future is yours. Take Care.

if it makes you feel any better i had to move 500 mile away from mile lol, my family is far from perfect in fact im happy to be away from them lol, i do love them dont get me wrong but i clash with them and none of them no what love actually is lol x

I was the same way once upon a time. I had and still have the most dysfunctional family known to man. Abuse in every form and no one to help me and yes the abuse is still attempted to this day. But I survived and I don't dare allow those memories or those negative actions to have a second chance at hurting me. I am grown now, and no one can get to me if I decide not to let them. What a wonderful freedom that is, once I realized I had that. Nope, I didn't get a fair shake as a child, especially when it seems so many did. I lived in a nightmare until I ran away. But I don't hate to hear other's bragging anymore however. I just think to myself with full confidence, someday that will be my children bragging. They will be singing praises about what great parents they have/had and that gives me a big smile right down to my heart. So I know one day my girls will be “Those people” even though I will never be. It’s all right though, I am here and I have them and I can redo my childhood by being darn sure they get the one I was screwed out of.

To be honest, I feel the same thing. There are times when I read discussions saying "I can't stay a single day without talking to them" or "there's no better advice than the ones given by your family"... Wrooooong...at least that's how I feel... As far as support is concerned...well, when i really need support from them, they consider my reasons as being childish or useless...although those reasons tear up my heart most of the times. I can't tell them anything when I come home after a fight with my boyfriend because the only answer I would get would be something like "Not that I haven't told you..." or just a face expression that shows more than words can say... I'm not the type of little girl that hates her parents or anything like that, but I just can't stand their attitude towards the important aspects in my life which for them appear to be nonsense... However, I wouldn't ever be able to leave them and not help them when they're in need, as they're my parents after all, and I still love them, I guess I can't help it... I admit I often feel envious too whenever I hear about such happy families. Who wouldn't want a great family, after all?

lecanis, you do exist and you are my family. You break my heart. I came from a bad family not as bad as yours but bad none the less. I put my mom in a nursing home I could not longer take care of her. If these people where true and honest with themselves they would know that 24 hour care of someone is hard work. Someone with Alzheimer’s disease who does not know their own children and they become combative, you cannot tell me their children will be forced to seek a nursing home to put mom or dad in. I am a disabled RN I know what it is to care of someone for 24 hours a day. I did it for work, then went to my grandmothers and help take care of my grandfather who had dementia and did not sleep. We had to put him in to a board and care then in a nursing home. I understand the feelings of missing out when people talk about their great childhoods, I have often been jealous and wanted a mom or dad to love me for me and not what they can get out of me. I have often wanted to be that child that was cherished. How I overcame that is I gave that love to my children. I did everything in my power to love my children. I have often been beratted by my parents who said that I have spoiled my children. They are my children and they are loving, well adjusted children that know their mom loves them a lot and would be there for them when ever they can.

I can't say that I know how you feel because I don't. I realize that everyone don't have that loving family experience. Are some people "lucky", and others not? I don't know the answer to that, does anyone? I do know you are very much a person now, with a chance to create your own wonderful family. I have a feeling you are doing that. Blessings.

Well you were at least abused or abandoned. There are families, especially in India, where the ‘bond’ is so strong that it actually stifles the children. Indian families have a peculiar expectation from their children. Granted that Indian parents give their youth for their children, but once these children grow up, the parents don’t forget to extract their pound of flesh. The children are made to feel at every step that ‘you are here because your parents did this for you, that for you and in return you must look after your parents in cash, kind, physically, mentally everything. You will exist only for your parents.’ Being the only child of loving parents, I may sound ungrateful, but this is something that I have felt many times. Thus I have promised myself that since I have brought my son into this world of my own will, I will give him the best I can, but will never be a burden on him. He will have only one youth, I would not want him to spend that looking after old parents. So don’t worry if you don’t have a family to fall back on, sometimes its good riddance.

My Dear Sweet One, Even though you and your husband come from a horrid histories, the best thing to come from them, is that the feeling of jealousy that you are thinking you have is not really there at all. What is there is the wonder of how you are going to create it for yourself. And that is so very simple. If you are fortunate enough to have a digi-cam or even a regular camera, you are going to take pictures every chance you have of your family doing the most mundane of things; washing dishes, doing laundry, routine grocery shopping, wiping spills from the floor, etc. Then you are also going to capture the not so special times such as birthdays, anniversaries, etc. (They are not so special because Everyone has those pictures in their scrapbooks!) If you are not fortunate enough to own a camera go to Freecycle.com and put your zip code in to find out if there is someone there that would be willing to give you one. It is a wonderful place where people don't buy or sell; they give. Of course, if you have something to give (such as baby clothing that has been outgrown, you post it on the site). It that is not available, you simply journal every day and draw pictures - if you can't draw, stick figures will do. Any effort you make will convey the love that you feel in your heart. Knowing your husband, I am sure that he will also want to contribute; and for sure, your beautiful son will add some of his special writings to the pages also. Pour out your heart on the pages. Create memories. You can use one of the black and white books that we used in grade school to do this in. The kind that are bound and stitched so paper doesn't pull out. They have been around for ages and I don't see them ever going away. This way you can keep an organized system of volumes, beginning with Volume 1 of "Our Family History". I'm not saying that you need to put your pain in the past - those would be empty words. I'm not saying you need to just move on - what a joke that is! What I am saying is that now you have a wonderful opportunity to Create something that you have always wanted. You are not only creating a family for your son; you are also creating it for your husband and yourself. You know I love you.~Donna

Well, whilst my mother never physically tried to kill me, she certainly did me harm emotionally and psychologically. However, having got through that, and having (with the help of therapy) healed those scars, I don't envy people with happy well-adjusted families anymore (as a kid I used to try and spend as much time at friends' homes as I could). The past is something no-one can change, but it and how we choose to deal with it, the lessons we learn from it, are what makes us who we are. We can either let it become our burden and make us bitter, or we can deal with it, realise that who we are is our decision. You define who you are, and the family you have now is your present and future family, and having had such a nightmare of a mother when you were a child, I'll bet you appreciate your family so much more now than all those people who take them for granted. So really, having been without, means that you experience your family life fully now, so in that way, you have the advantage over those who don't know any differently. All the best to you and your family, and never mind those people who can't know or understand what they've got. You do though!

To be off the wall...You only exist to the point that you have created your existence. The past is gone and the hurts cannot be erased. They can only be forgiven and let go of. You only have what you have right now. In that sense, nothing else exists. You have to make your life in the present moment and forget about the past and not worry about the future. I don't see it any other way. Even if you have no family, you still have yourself. Who else on the planet can you trust more?

I was really sad to read your post, and I am sorry if anything that I have ever written here has made you feel that way. I am one of thoe who had a secure, wonderful, and happy childhood, and I admit it is impossible for me to even begin to comprehend the horrors that you have been through. As such - I am sure there are times when myself (and others like me), say things that hurt you, and may appear unfeeling. We do not mean to at all - your bad experiences are just behyond our comprehension, and sometimes, sadly, people don't think before they speak. All i can say, is it seems you have made something psitive out of your bad start in life - with a husband and a child, and you should be proud of yourself for that. Please don't feel bad or dirty at all. You seem like a good, strong person - and good luck in your future.

I know what you mean but my experiences were not so bad as yours. Reading posts like the ones you mention make me ill. People seem sanctimonious and complacent about their wonderful family. Did you know that it's more "normal" to come from a dysfunctional family? They are more common than any other. I think a lot of people "pretend" as well. They try to make out their family is wonderful but the reality is somewhat different. Some folk cannot face the fact that they come from a rotten family. Don't you ever feel bad about yourself. You've come a long way, you are strong and honest with yourself and about yourself. You are the sort of person who can be looked up to and admired.

Dear lecanis, I agree 80% of the people of the world has had parents to love them. I do agree there are people, who unfortunately, had no parents to take care of them when there were young. I do appreciate your feeling. God created us all. Somebody lucky enough to have parents and some without parents. Please do not feel much about it. It is a life. We have to accept what we have been provided by God.

Oh lecanis that makes me sad. :( I know what you mean though. I feel that way a lot too. Well, I only feel that way when it comes to my father. I love my mother and sister very much and they love me. But when it comes to my father, it's like I don't have one at all. It sort of makes me angry too because it's almost not fair that some people have such loving families but I'm stuck with a monster for a father. :(

I hear ya lecanis....and I feel the same way at times....sometimes I too am jealous of all these ppl who have these picture perfect, happy, loving, caring familys and had that ideal childhood etc...Hell I'm jealous of ppl who have memories and pics/slides etc of birthday parties as kids and so on..I never had that (I've never had a bday party in my life)...There are NO happy "childhood memories" for me either and I TOTALLY understand that whole "I feel dirty" and like i dont exist thing..wow do I EVER get that one!! "sometimes I get angry seeing this discussions, especially when people are casual about them, as if having a good family is something everyone experiences" I think thats what gets my goat the most....ppl assume that EVERYONE has that beautiful homelife, family, parents/caregivers etc etc and that is SO far from the truth for so many of us ya know...and what really ticks me off is when I respond honestly to a thread (for example "which parent do you love more?" my answer: "neither, I despise them both") ppl (some) have the audacity to tell me that my not liking my family or 'parents' is horrible blah blah blah..I'm sorry but ya know what..ppl like that need to shut the flying fk up as far as I'm concerned and step into the real world ya know...

You know you still have a chance to have a family and probably do and don't even realize . Family is not just the person who brought you into this world but are the people who care for you , your friends , a family you started on your own or just someone close to you that you can trust with all that goes on in your life . I have a daughter that is not my biological daughter but a seventeen year old that I took into our home . She will always be a part of our family even though she is of no relationship to us . I have always beleived that family is those that care about us and not who is blood related to us . I have friends treat me better then some of my own blood related family and have sisters that are as close to me even though they are my step sisters and we only met as adults because they would be there for me if I needed them to be . You don't ever have to feel you don't belong because in someone's heart you are family to them and mean more to them then you will ever realize , and this is what true family is all about . Take Care and don't ever feel bad about feelings you have because of something that was trough no fault of your own .

There is no need to dwell on the past, nor to feel envious or hurt because of what you didn't have as a child. Make the most of what you have now. What was done to you then doesn't make you any less valuable of a person, and as a previous commenter said, you can still have your own wonderful family.

There have been times I've went through the same thing. My parents were divorced when I was 5 and I was always jealous of the kids that had both parents living at home. I hated hearing about how happy their mom and dad were. I moved between mine alot and there were alot of fights over who we were going to live with. Even now, I have a good relationship with my Mom and I just got to see my Dad after 22 years but sometimes I still feel jealous of the ppl that have both parents together. I hope you find some peace within yourself to help you through it. AT PEACE WITHIN

hello lecanis *hugs* Envy is a normal reaction to things we may have missed and didnt have in our life. Im proud of and admire you for what you have achieved today and that makes your existence a beautiful thing. I cant imagine going through all that you had and still be a better person. You survived and existed to be what you are now. A caring and sensitive individual. I salute you dear friend. Take care and have a great day. I ENVY you ;) ... more hugs

Dear Lecanis, This is really such a bad luck and karma for you in this life time, and I feel so sorry for the pain you feel, and what has been done to you. What your family did is such a shame, and if I could than I would share my family with you, I really would :) I am not living close to them however, and don't see them often as we live in different countries, and only my dad comes to visit me every 3 months, but I miss my mum the most. And I wish there was a way to aleviate the feelings you describe in your post. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself and feel badly because you feel envy when reading loving posts regarding families. It's human to feel the hurt and long for the feeling that others have had with their families. I hope that one day when you have a family of your own - you'll be able to give them everything of what you have missed in your life, and more, and that you'll be able to make your own children very happy. This way their happiness will contribute to your own happiness :) God Bless