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Would you keep your true age a secret if it meant you could get married?
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
United States
August 24, 2007 1:39pm CST
If you knew that your boyfriend didn't want to marry a woman over a certain age, i.e. 30 or 40 years old, would you fudge on your age just a bit, so that you seemed younger? Would you think that it was alright to tell a little white lie to be with your Prince Charming? Or, do you think that such a lie could come back to haunt you later on?
As for me, I can't be sure what I would do in this situation. Assuming that I were single and on the open market looking for love, then I would have to consider this. Perhaps if the man that I fell in love with had lots of money and a strict policy against marrying an older woman, then maybe I would tell a little white lie.
Then again, I would be surprised if I got away with the lie, because it's so easy to do a background check on anyone these days if you have the right information. So, perhaps I would not make it as far as the wedding before he found me out.
On the other hand, if he really loved me, then I think he should make an exception on age. After all, why would he be so hung up on what age his spouse would be? What is your view on this? Would you tell a little white lie about your age? Would you expect him to change his age policy? Please tell!
6 people like this
21 responses
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
24 Aug 07
I would rather be upfront and true about my age than rather live a lie my whole life. I will get caught in the end, my dad did LOL he told my mom that he was two years older than him. I'm not sure how long after she found this out, not sure if they were married by then but I think they were. They have been married for 38 years now.
If my guy preferred someone who was a certain age so be it. He is the one missing out LOL
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
24 Aug 07
Oh, that's too cute! Well, it worked out for them, so she must not have felt too bad about it. And, it's true, if some guy were going to judge me on something so superficial as my birthdate then I wouldn't want him anyway. Cause that kind of man would also not want to be a father to my little kid. And, she is part of the package deal. Of course, I'm not on the marriage market, so all this is just speculation anyway. Thanks for the giggle!
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
24 Aug 07
I would never marry anyone that I had to lie to in order to get him to marry me. Whether it's about my age or anything else, I believe any relationship based on lies will not last, and even if he never found out I would feel that he was not the right person for me because I had to lie to him in order to catch him.
Meeting my husband online, I had already told him a lot of things about myself before I realized we had romantic feelings for each other, and it's kind of nice that it happened that way. I can't think of much that he doesn't know about me, and I like it that way. Had I lied to him in order to get him to be with me, I would feel that our relationship was fake, even if it was just a small lie.
2 people like this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
24 Aug 07
That is a really good point. As is, I feel like a big faker, even if I am telling a tiny lie about something insignifigant that noone would notice. That's just me though.
@rosie_123 (6113)
•
24 Aug 07
Well first, I would never considering spending the rest of my life with a man that had such pre-conceived ideas about "his" woman! ANd I certainly wouldn't trust a man with such a philosophy. But to answer your question - no I would never lie to him about my age, because that would mean our whole relatonship would be built on a lie from the start. That is not a good way for two people to embark on their lives together - sooner or later he would find out anyway (he would see my date of bith on my passport, or on a legal form of some kind), and then he would feel he could never trust me again because I had lied to him from the beginning. Totally bad idea I think!
@sapphrene (24)
• Philippines
29 Aug 07
No. Keeping your real age isn't a little white lie. It is a big lie. If you know that age is important to the person you intend to marry, then lying about it is totally dishonest. If a person can't value what his/her partner also values, problems might arise later in the relationship.
@serenidity (641)
• India
24 Aug 07
It is never good to start any relationship with a lie, marriage after all is a serious commitment. I think it would be cheating on your future spouse. I would say, come out clean and let that person decide whether he wants to make an exception or let go of a partner just for some notion.
@crazed_moma (1054)
• United States
24 Aug 07
I could see not telling. :) Flat out lying though, not a good way to start a relationship. lol I tell every one I'm 25 (really 28) but make sure I do so in a way they know I'm joking.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
25 Aug 07
Why do you do that? I mean telling them you're 25? are you afraid of your age? *LOL*
I'm 27 and proud of it. *LOL*
Yeah, I agree about the jokingly way, but what if they're serious, would you joke?
And yeah, you're right about lying about age not a good way to start a relationship.
@crazed_moma (1054)
• United States
25 Aug 07
I am feeling a little old, ya know the whole pushing 30 thing! I think it's more my kids making me feel old.... Really I don't think it's any of their business and that's the main reason I joke about it. ;)
@starmoishe (58)
• United States
25 Aug 07
Whenever you have to lie to get something you want, something's wrong. If being age 44 is too old than I'd rather forgo the "princess wedding" and live alone with the truth.
@Modestah (11179)
• United States
26 Aug 07
if the relationship has progressed to the point of making marriage plans, surely the true age would have been discussed by then? i do not think I would wish to marry anyone shallow, nor do I think it is wise to set the foundation of a relationship upon a pillar of deceit.
the answer to your question is no, I would not fib about my age in hopes of marrying someone.
@craftcatcher (3699)
• United States
25 Aug 07
No, I'm a firm believer in "honesty is the best policy". Lies always tend to come back and bite you on the behind. Plus a lie is a really bad way to start a relationship.
If it's that big of a deal to him then.. goodbye. If you love someone then the age shouldn't make a difference.
@shinjiao (1457)
• China
25 Aug 07
I guess I won't marry a man who doesn't want to marry a women over the certain age.I won't hide my true age as a secret.Age is nothing!If there is true love between the couple,the age is not the problem for marriage.If a man minds the age,I guess he doesn't know the meaning of love.
@auntielow (2)
• United States
25 Aug 07
NO i think you should be honest if you get married you would want your partner to be honest keeping sectrets from your partner can be bad for a marriage sectres always come out in time you will get caught keep it honest and you will be happy
@smartbrain69 (2790)
• Canada
25 Aug 07
I don't think that it is wise idea to tell lie in beginning, as it is well said that lies can never be hidden one day or other it will be revealed and at that time it will be great problem.
so never do such act.
@wondericequeen (7876)
• Hong Kong
25 Aug 07
No I wouldn't lie about my age no matter. Basically I present the real me in every relationship and it's the man's choice to take my package or leave it. And I would be totally honest about everything at the start of the relationships, because love is not built up that strong yet (if he goes away I wouldn't be hurt that bad) and I guess I don't want to lie about stuff which I don't see as a big deal and freak out about it everyday, it's not good for my health *laughs*.
@archer1811 (1098)
• Philippines
25 Aug 07
Hi beautyqueen! Definitely I wont lie for my age. And I agree with you that if he really loves me he would accept me for what I am and for who I am, and in the first place if age is his first requirements well maybe before he courted me he must check my background or ask me my age and I would honestly tell him the truth. Age doesnt matter if you love the person.
But I am married now and my husband is almost 3 years older than me..lol!... so definitely I wont reach the age of 30 or 40 to get married. I am 30 now and very much married with a kid beside me....hahaha..lol...happy mylotting..
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
25 Aug 07
I always believe that secrets could not be kept forever just like smoke can never be sealed off perfectly. Sooner or later, the truth shall come out.
Plus, it's not a good way to start a relationship (specially marriage) by lying. If he/she really loves you, age wouldn't matter at all.
So, to make things simple and clear right from the start. It's best to start fresh and honest.
Plus of course, we all have our 'ideals', these are the markers of who we like, but truthfully, we don't really get what we want all the time. Most of the time, because of love, we tend to forget the ideals and see the person the way we like them to be.
So don't worry about not being his/her ideal. True love can never be found where it doesn't truly exist; nor can it be hidden when it truly does.
=)
@gesell03 (173)
• Philippines
25 Aug 07
no, i would never want to marry a guy and tell him a lie, and live my whole life a liar,
i would not even consider this, if the man could not even love me because of my age, i would not put up with that, im worth it, i need not lie to impress, i need to lie to someone that i really loved eventhough it would cost me his rejection, atleast i have been true to myself which is more important.
you would everyday feel unhappy and stressed out knowing that you did not tell him the real you.
