My son that I adopted out is having his birthday tomorrow.
August 26, 2007 3:18pm CST
Normally I go to his birtthday parties, his parents invite me every year. However this year I cannot afford to go. I also did not want to go this year. It is emotionally gut wrenching for me. Although his parents told him that he is adopted he doesn't know who I am and probably has no idea why I come to his parties anyway. I wish him well but I am distancing myself from even that sliver of his life. Do you think that I am wrong not to go like I usually do, or do I have the right to say that I don't need my emotions tied into a knot this year?
26 Aug 07
what a difficult situation. i'm sure it's hard for you and i understand why you want to distance yourself. i do think it's your choice. maybe one day when you and him are both ready when he's older it might be a better time to get together and start to know each other. but do what ever is best for you now. good luck.
• United States
27 Aug 07
You're not wrong to not go at all. If you're uncomfortable or if makes it harder for you, you should avoid having that much contact. I'd let the adoptive mother know how you're feeling, let her know that you appreciate that she keeps you involved on some level, but that at this time you need to distance yourself some. Let her know how much (if any) contact you would like, and let that be how it is from now on. Although I think the current trends for open adoptions are a great choice for some families, sometimes a closed adoption is the better route. There's nothing to feel guilty about, you've already decided what was best for the child; it's only fair that you also be able to decide what's best for you.