What should I do..go for my job or His job? Need your opinion...
By cmsk2005
@cmsk2005 (1770)
United States
August 27, 2007 7:01am CST
Hi friend, I need an advice from all of you. I am in a difficult situaltion at this time. I was in home for last one year almost and recently I got a job offer with a very good salary for 5 yeras contract sign right ow and may be extended after this time depending on my performance. This is my dream job, i was trying for a log. Now my Husband is doing the job has got an increment recently and new contract sign for another 2 years and his job includes lots of facilities like holdays mre than mine, big travel expenses Internationall and is in the same town in Scotland eher we are now. But If I want to join my job we have to move to Englind and its far awy, not possible to do daily journey for any one of us. If I join my job, he has to resign his and go with me and try for another and if i leave my offer, I will have to stay at hoe again for, I don't know how long but I really want to start a good job outside rigt now. S I am in confusion what should I do now. Salary is his little higher than mine and covering many benefits but mine is not. I am so tired of thinking this...what should I do??? We want to stay together...
1 person likes this
16 responses
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
27 Aug 07
Hi cmsk2005! That is a very difficult situation my friend! However, if his salary is higher than yours and has many benefits that include you also, I guess I will be sacrificing at this instance what I want for myself. I can always look for a job within Scotland that may somehow fulfill me. However, try to talk to him first and tell him how this career or job is important to you and then listen to him of how important his job is to him and maybe both of you can meet halfway or compromise. And if he tells you, he wants to stay with his job and wants you to go to England and pursue your dream, then try to weigh things, which is more important to you.. Your love or your career. Wow, that is heavy stuff! Friend, just try to feel in your heart what will make you really happy. Having the dream job of yours but may take you away from him or a true love and the adventure of looking for another job near him. Well this is just my view and I hope it helps you even for just a little somehow. Take care and have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@cmsk2005 (1770)
• United States
27 Aug 07
I really appreciate your help dear. I am so happy you described it in such a friendly way and like a very close one from my family. The hard thing is that he already told me to take decision as He wouln't mind for anything and asked me to think in such a way so that I will be happy at the end, whatever it is but the only thing he also prefer is to stay together, not I am in England and He is in Scotland. This really made this more difficult for me...I knwo i am slowly going away from my dream as I want to see him around me and happy and jobless situation must not make him happy anyway....still thinking, thanks dear
2 people like this
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
27 Aug 07
Since his is the better paying job with better benefits,I would suggest that you be the one to make the sacrifice this time. Unless it would be feasible to move to a place that's halfway between the two jobs and the distance from there is tolerable for both of you. Of course, that might cut down on the time you have to spend together on work days.
1 person likes this
@cmsk2005 (1770)
• United States
27 Aug 07
Yes we have considered this but this may be not possible to move to a place in between as my job is really needs a much loner time than usual, as much as I can spend and also sometime, may be in such cases i have to go some odd time other than office time to do some emergency work, its lie for me needs 100% commitment but his one is little relaxing if we consider both. So I have to stay close to my job as I will have to go odd s times too and that will ve far far away from his job. Thanks dear, I am tryig to thinking now that I have to find another may be here, close to him and actually today I have applied for two of them I found just now.
1 person likes this
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
27 Aug 07
Distance sometimes enhances love!! you know what I mean. Meet once a week and you can do one week's love in one day!! I am just joking. Try and get the job in the same city, does not matter if the emoluments are slightly lesser, it is the convenience that is important. Thanks and have a nice day.
@brew2x (3094)
• Philippines
28 Aug 07
Your situation is kind of tough. This is just my opinion, for me I think you should just stay in Scotland. Your husband sounds stable in his current job. It would be hard for both of you to start a new life if your going to move to England and it might hurt his ego if you choose your new job. Maybe you just try again and find another job in the place your living right now, there is something you will find if you keep on trying. As a said this is just my opinion, it is really up to you. Goodluck.
1 person likes this
@MaryannaHope (96)
• United States
27 Aug 07
By all means, do not let a change in jobs cause your marriage to break up. When it comes down to it, a job is just that...a job...and not nearly worth breaking a marriage up over. I would sit down with your husband and just talk about it. See what makes the most sense financially, and do that. If the two of you decide that he needs to stay with his job, then don't let it make you bitter. Would your "dream job" still be as wonderful without your husband to share it with?
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
27 Aug 07
First of all, congrats on landing your dream job. That is awesome and you must feel great about it.
But you left out an important part of the story as far as I am concerned. What does your husband want and feel about all of this? This is a very important decision for both of you. I wish you luck in making this decision together.
@cmsk2005 (1770)
• United States
27 Aug 07
Thanks dear for encouraging me to take the right step, my husband is totally giving me the opportunity and asked me to take the decision so that i would be happy for it, he is not going against me or for him, just asking me to think about the plus and minus for both the jobs and both of us. He is very nice, its me who is in confusion, I am in between my career and my life....
@sunshinecup (7871)
•
27 Aug 07
Ok I can only offer you what I would do if faced with this. I would go for his job for the simple fact it would cause less change, no moving and he wouldn't have to give up his job. I would make the sacrifice of the dream a job in hopes it will come again later in life. Now that is me, I am not saying I would be making the right choice, just the one I personally would feel would be right for me. Only you dear can decide what you feel you can do with this. I do wish you the best of luck and I so hope to hear an update on this and what your choice was and how you feel about it. Not to judge you, but just because hey, I am a nosy person, LOL.
@cmsk2005 (1770)
• United States
27 Aug 07
You know sometimes this nosyness make some people very close one, when you think about knowing the final result I feel like it must be someone who thinks about me and do care for thats why asks for the resuld and the fate. I am so happy I am really getting help from your replies. I was a little inclined towards him and now I found all of my friends will go for that to get a real good family life. I am glad that its being easier for me to take the decesion after your opinion. I dont want to tell that I will depend on this opinion blindly but I know for sure these will help me to decide the right thing properly. If I can find friends around the world giving preferance to living a healthy family life being with him, how can I ignore the world? See, its not from one country so not from one culture and faith, we all from so many different part of this world are for this. It is amazing for me and I really really appreciate it dear.
@mummymo (23706)
•
2 Sep 07
I am so sorry I come in so late here my lovely friend - I do hope that the problem is not hanging so heavily on you anymore. I guess I feel that this is something that you both as a couple have to agree on together, you are the ones who know the situation and dynamics of your relationship better than anyone else! I am thinking of you and hope that you can work things out together! xxxx
@sandwedge (1339)
• Malaysia
28 Aug 07
personally i think, being together is the MOST important thing. thats the case then you are left with
1. which the job that has proven itself to both of you. a brand new one where you wouldn't know much about the goings on of office politics, temperament of the boss, job demands, etc etc....OR a job thats been there all this time and comfortable with already.
2. which job benefits the most.
hope that helps.
@crazed_moma (1054)
• United States
28 Aug 07
Oye.... Book suggestion. You Can Afford to Stay Home With your Kids (can't remember the authors) Since it looks like either way you'll be down to one salary at least temporarily.
I was going to say moving to England would be a great experience but then I realized you live in Europe all ready so it's not so foreign to you as me. Who's job has more potential? Who will be able to find a new job more easily? Make a list with hubby of the pros and cons of each. :) Good luck with your decision.
@Sharon38 (1912)
• Jamaica
31 Aug 07
Honestly i cant tell you what to do. When I saw your heading I thought let me see what i can do but the best help i can give you now is that you and your husband need to discuss this. You two need to sit down and weigh the pros and cons in this thing. I will pray that God shows you both the right way.
@Frozen2ice (152)
• India
27 Aug 07
hi... sounds like u really got a situation in your hand!!
well, i say, b4 taking any decision ,talk to your husband... say everythin that u wrote on this discussion to him, say him how badly u have been waiting for this opportunity , n let him take the decision .
accept the fact that sacrifice is a part of love, if u two u cant live in 2 places n meet in the weekend, then one of u will surely have to sacrifice their job...who does?? well, talk to him... share everythin that u feel n take the big decision together!
tk cr
@meetajay_kenny (48)
• India
28 Aug 07
I guess you need to be more crystal clear in what you are planning to and also you should be bold enough to take clear-cut decisions...let me tell you one thing LIFE is a very big risk, so unless you take risk you will never reach or even get near to what you are planning...And if you want to stay together,I guess you better take a another way Parallel to your husband...:)
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
27 Aug 07
for me, i will set up my priorities and rank them in order of importance... that will help me greatly in making my decision... i know that my priority in life is God have to come first (Matthew 6:33 is my favoutite verse - "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. And all these things shall be added unto you.")... and then family and job comes after that... i don't know about you... so may be ask yourself what is your priorities in life and then make your decision based on that... hope this helps... good luck...
@Cammeel1 (372)
• United States
28 Aug 07
cmsk2005, My heart goes out to you. I knowthat you must trul feel torn between what your heart and what your head tell you to do. If you look deep inside, I a sure you already know the answer to this and you are just not ready to face the choice.
It would be so hard to be that far away from your husband kowing that he is unhappy as well would only hurt you more. It sounds as if this job of yours would also be demanding and time consuming. It seems it would also be very difficult to find the time to go back to Scotland to spend a weekend with your husband. You will be losing benefits, having to spend money to move, and lose a little income too. Even though this may be a dream of yours, it doesn't seem to be the right time or place for it. I wish you all the very best in making the decision that works out best for you and your husband.
