My husband the inconsiderate so and so

@addysmum (1225)
Canada
August 29, 2007 6:56pm CST
My husband and his brother had an argument a few years back and my husband has held a grudge over it ever since. In January his brother invited us to his wedding and my husband said no he wouldn't go. Now 2 days before the wedding he had decided to go but not take me and our youngest son. He said I should ask my mom to watch the dogs so I can go but my mom just lost her mother 3 weeks ago and I don't feel right asking her to do that. My brother works night sift hours from where I live and I won't ask him to make that drive. So here I am not able to go to the wedding, not able to see the family that has come in for this event in our lives, not able to welcome my newest sister to the family all because my husband wanted to be a twit and refuse to go in the first place. He never thinks about his actions and how others will feel. He now is an uninvited guest, I have to stay to take care of the animals (he said he didn't think I would want to go because the baby is finally has a schedule and I don't like breaking that), and my husbands best friend has to pick them up from the ferry, hours from where he works and lives using his mothers car. Just totally inconsiderate of others and how we would feel. Can you tell I am angry about this, maybe one day he will see how much he hurts me and others when he does this.
4 people like this
8 responses
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
30 Aug 07
It is your husband's brother and he had fought with him and later changed his mind about attending the marriage. If you were pally with your brother-in-law, and were keen on welcoming the new sister and visiting sister-in-law, you must have made a plan to attend the wedding yourself, entrusting child and dogs to your husband for a day or two. If you had decisively stated that the fight was between them and you wanted to attend the wedding, things may have been different. Even now, you make an independent programme to visit the family and organise some meeting or the other where you can get together after the wedding[after a month or so may be] It can always be done. Just ring them up and after apologosing profusely make a promise to visit them some time or invite them home. You cannot change people, moreso husbands and we will have to do something to preserve our peace of mind.
2 people like this
@addysmum (1225)
• Canada
30 Aug 07
The problem here is his last minute decision to go has made him an uninvited guest and left me out. I can always go over later and see my in-laws and welcome the new sister but I can't go and see my sister-in-law who is flying home the day after the wedding and my husbands aunt leaves on Monday and his brother that I have never met leaves on Wednesday. Aside from me not getting to see them they won't get to see the baby. I chose to stand by my husbands wishes that we didn't go and then he decides to go and leave me out of the family event.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
31 Aug 07
You ar boiling mad, you poor thing1 as I mentioned earlier, you slowly make a plan to visit at least some of them ,one by one, in due course.What cannot be cured must be endured I guess ,and at least, you are ,I am sure, very thankful at this juncture that you are able to just let off steam and share your irritation and disappointment with members like us. After some time, the intensity will slowly reduce , but , anyhow, make sure you talk to them , and make a promise to visit them at least in the future.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
31 Aug 07
You are boiling mad, you poor thing and at least are thankful that you are able to let off steam and share your disappointment with members like us. What cannot be cured must be endured , I suppose. Slowly the intensity of your disappointment will reduce and I am sure you will get over it. But try and talk to them with a promise of making it sometime in the future, . Life is long and may be you will get an opportunity to meet them some time in the distant, if not near future.Good luck!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48712)
• United Kingdom
30 Aug 07
Yes Sweetie and you have every right to be angry to as I would be that was one of my Ex Husband downfalls to (but not the only one) I hope that you are showing him that you are angry to as I think he should not go either Love and Hugs to you and I hope that you will be ok you have my Addy
2 people like this
@addysmum (1225)
• Canada
30 Aug 07
Thank you Gabs, he is very aware that I am angry. He is still going as a matter of fact I am getting the kids ready to head the hour and a half drive to go and pick him up and take him and my oldest to the ferry. I have told him I am not going to be picking them up on the return trip so he is taking a taxi to where his car will be parked. I am really hoping that he doesn't make a fuss at the wedding, it is not the time to be bringing up the things that have happened between us and his brother. I will talk to you soon, love and hugs to you, I hope you are feeling ok.
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6448)
• Canada
30 Aug 07
I don't think your husband will see the way he is behaving unless you actually sit down when you are feeling calmer and explain it to him.
2 people like this
@addysmum (1225)
• Canada
30 Aug 07
I don't know if he will ever see it. I have tried many times to make him see how he is. It is not just me that he hurts, it is everyone around him. I couldn't understand why he was like that until my second son was born and my mother-in-law left my oldest son with strangers so she could stand outside my birthing room and listen. She doesn't see what she did as wrong and I don't think my husband will either.
1 person likes this
@joyce959 (1561)
• Philippines
30 Aug 07
I understand how you feel, hurt and angry over an inconsiderate husband. You should be really there at the wedding because its an important family affair and your brother in law might be wondering why you didnt attend. I think you should have said with emphasis with your husband that you want to attend the wedding, but not getting into an argument with him. I think you can talk it out nicely with him, whatever it is that you also wanted.
@addysmum (1225)
• Canada
30 Aug 07
You would think that we could talk about it would you, except that if my opinion is not that of my husbands it turns into a fight. I try to talk about it but he finds a way to make it a fight. It doesn't matter now anyway, I can't go because of the pets, and I have to drive them to the ferry this afternoon so there isn't time to find a pet sitter and he will never admit that he was wrong just like he never admits he is wrong about anything. The day he put the hammer through the dash of my truck it was not his fault he shouldn't have been working on my truck anyway, so he says, except that it was his idea to put in the new sound system not mine.
1 person likes this
@davesbiz (15)
• United States
30 Aug 07
Coming from a husband, I think you should let him know (calmy of course). I myself tend to not pay attention to the outcome of my actions, and believe me, my wife brings it to my awareness, everytime...but not being upset at me, just speaking to me.
@addysmum (1225)
• Canada
30 Aug 07
Heres the thing, after 10 years of being together and 2 kids this man should know what is important to me and since the day I met him nothing has been more important then family. So it should just be a given that a family event like a wedding is important for me to attend. Not only that but after living together for 10 years he should not be thinking only of himself. Men don't get the right to be selfish while women have to think about family it doesn't make for a happy relationship if the wife gives all and the husband doesn't.
1 person likes this
@carissa765 (1098)
• United States
30 Aug 07
I really don't understand men sometimes... I had something similar happen so I know how you feel. It wasn't a wedding, but a fishing trip.. I really wanted to go. Well he said he was not going to go, and then last minute he decided he was him and about five of his friends, but not me... i was really hurt, it was like he was doing this just so he could leave me behind, or maybe he thought I wouldn't want to go if it was last minute, but he left the house without even inviting me.. I was really hurt and pi$$ed off about it for a really long time..
@addysmum (1225)
• Canada
31 Aug 07
Men are so self centered some times. I am glad to see that I am not the only one that gets upset when their man leaves them so he can go have fun.
@ArsonCuff (3121)
• United States
30 Aug 07
Maybe one day we will all see everything everyone else sees and be the all seeing. Good luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Sep 07
Oh that is just wrong! I would be so upset to if my husband did that to me! I don't know what to say about this. But I hope you do talk to him and tell him how bad her did hurt you. And how much you wanted to see the family and the family wanted to see you. I have always heard what comes around goes around....