My 15 year old niece got caught smoking....

@Laurla98 (786)
United States
August 30, 2007 9:28am CST
My niece has been having some problems recently. I found out she was cutting her arm and giving herself bruises. I knew she had tried drinking and smoking. But we thought it was no longer happening....wrong. She stole a pack of cigarettes from my brother and on her lunch break at the park she was caught smoking. She was then told instead of going to her 4th period class that she was to go to the stop smoking class they have...she didn't go...so now she is suspended for three days, she got a smoking ticket and has a court date. I don't know how else to help her anymore. She confides in me about things and I have helped her talk to her parents, but its not getting any better. If anyone has suggestions or has dealt with this, I would appreciate any ideas or input. Thanks!
2 people like this
5 responses
@williamjisir (22885)
• China
30 Aug 07
It is usually hard to imagine young girls like your niece would learn to smoke and drink. For boys it is more common. As a teacher for so many years, to be honest with you, if you don't mind, (I don't want to be offensive, dear laurla), your niece has made friends with some bad students who don't show interest in study. This is a sign that you need to pay more attention to her and her friends. In China, we have a saying which goes like this: those who make friends with good ones will be good people or vice versa. I do hope that you will care about her more than usual and help her to keep away from the bad kids. Thanks for your discussion raised.
@Laurla98 (786)
• United States
30 Aug 07
I agree. She does have one best friend that is trying to help her, but her other friends are not good ones. The more her parents tell her not to hang out with someone the more she tries...just like I would expect. I hope she can get away from them...otherwise she is putting her future in jeopardy. Thanks for responding!
1 person likes this
• China
30 Aug 07
I am glad that many people are trying to help her. The sooner you get her leave her bad classmates, the better. It could be a good idea to help move her to some other school to make it more effective,please?
@Laurla98 (786)
• United States
30 Aug 07
Unfortunately, its the only high school in the area that they are living in. The next closest is about 45 minutes away from their house. She wants to go to school in her old neighborhood, but the only one that lives close enough is my mother and she already is raising one grandchild from my step dads side. I don't think they would take another one.
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
30 Aug 07
i think if she is cutting herself and hurting herself she needs therapy. There is obviously something seriously bothering her to make her cut herself. i know a woman who does that to herself and she was getting better with therapy.
@Laurla98 (786)
• United States
30 Aug 07
That was what we told her parents when I helped her talk to them. She said she wants to talk to a counselor...they haven't even looked yet. I think they are in denial to a degree.
@jodenton (222)
30 Aug 07
I sympathise with your position. My advice for what it is worth would be to just carry on as you are. Lots of teenagers go through problems and the way they are wired probably means that they won't respond well to any heavy well meant advice. I think all you can do is be a friend and make it clear to her that what she is doing will have consequences for her. She is 15 and is old enough to understand these consequences and will deal with them the best that she can. All you can do is make sure she knows that she can turn and call for help if she needs it.
1 person likes this
@Laurla98 (786)
• United States
30 Aug 07
Thanks. I am glad that she will still come and talk to me. I've made a big point of earning her trust because I would rather she talks to me about certain things than her friends. I guess you can only do so much when it isn't your own child. I will say this...I'm learning a lot and will hold onto this knowlege with my own girls as they get older. Thanks for posting!
• United States
31 Aug 07
Unfortunately we have all had our growing pains.I've never heard of a smoking ticket and having to go to court.Of course in my day we used to get paddled or suspended.They won't allow that anymore.
@tad1fan (3373)
• Canada
30 Aug 07
She's 15,is she still cutting herself?To me,that's the bigger problem here,deal with that and than the smoking....the more we tell our children "NO",the more they are going to do it.....but if she is hurting herself,intentionally the problem is a lot deeper than you think....good luck and please let me know how it turns out....your friend TAM/TAD