Was there a favorite in your family?

@soccermom (3200)
United States
August 30, 2007 1:35pm CST
This is kind of a two part question. When you were growing up was there a "favorite" in your family? In mine it was (and still is) my younger sister. Without sounding like sour grapes, because I have truly learned to accept it my sister is like the family princess. She is having a baby in February, and I'm excited about being an aunt, but you'd think my parents never were grandparents before! My mom's world is revolving around a baby shower that is months away (keep in mind I have 3 kids and never had a shower thrown for me) and even my kids are saying grandma doesn't care about them anymore. Second question...do you have a "favorite" in your family now? I do, all three! And I whisper in their ears all the time "don't tell your siblings, but you're my favorite". They all believe they are my "favorite" and I think it'll make for some great laughs someday when I am gone.
2 people like this
11 responses
• United States
31 Aug 07
Oh yes, my parents definitely have their favorite (and it's not me, LOL). In my parents eyes, my younger sister can do no wrong. She's successful and a good person, I'm not jealous, but sometimes I feel like saying to my mom "Man, can't you at least hide the fact that she's your favorite?" I have 3 kids and I can't imagine choosing one as my "favorite". I admit I have an extra special bond with my daughter because she's a girl, but that doesn't take away from my love for my sons. I imagine as kids grow into adulthood and go down different paths, then it would be possible to favor one over the others, based on their life choices. But I hope I never do that!
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@soccermom (3200)
• United States
31 Aug 07
You hit it right on the head! I have a different, special bond with each of my kids too, although it is a little stronger with my oldest daughter, just because we went through hell and back together. But I've never treated her like she was better than the other two. I said something to my mom once about my sis being the "favorite", her answer was "she's not the favorite, but you're a stronger person than her, we don't worry about you as much." That's great, I guess, but it still hurts just the same when she does all these things with and for my sister and pretty much ignores me. At least the lesson is learned that I will not do the same to my kids, and with any luck my kids won't have the attitude towards me that I do towards my mom.
• United States
1 Sep 07
"she's not the favorite, but you're a stronger person than her, we don't worry about you as much." OMG! This was practically the exact same quote my mom said to me a few years ago. There must be a handbook they are reading these lines from! LOL
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Sep 07
In my family, there were 7 kids...mom and dad had no time to play favorites while we were growing up. Once we were older and left the nest, it seemed like my baby sister was a favorite, but only because she was the only one left at home. My parents would say things to us like, you are my favorite because...and point out our tealent or whatever, so we all knew we were her favorite in some way, but as a whole and in all honesty, no there was a not an all time favorite. I have seen this in other families though. With my girls, there is definitely not a favorite, I love them both equally and am so very proud of both of them.
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@soccermom (3200)
• United States
3 Sep 07
I think that is so cool that they pointed out your individual talents! I could imagine that would build some pretty decent esteem, and also validiate you as individuals. I'll have to remeber that while raising my kids.
@KATRINKA (1658)
• United States
1 Sep 07
I love how you tell each of your kids they're your favorite. I do the same for my three. They always respond, "Your my favorite mom." Ah...they're great. I always felt with my mother, that my middle sister was her favorite. She was the pretty one, the thin one, the princess, the ballerina. Then my youngest sister came along, and the baby was the favorite. Funny, none of us now have a relationship with our mother. That's another story. Even though I've never thought it, I was my dad's favorite. My husband says he can see that I'm still the apple of his eye. I know he loves each of his daughters deeply. When my mother left us and only wanted to take my youngest sister, he put his foot down and told her she had to take all of us or none of us. Thanks dad for fighting for us!
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
3 Sep 07
I know what you're saying about the middle being "the pretty one, the thin one," etc..There's 7 years between my little sister and I (if you can call 27 little), but there's been that "categtorization" between us since I was in my late teens and made some pretty bad choices. Now she's the smart one, the responsible one, etc..where as I'm the pretty one, the irresponsible one, etc..andno matter what I do with my life it seems that I can never shake that stigma. It's frustrating. I do alot of volunteer work throughout the year, mymom doesn't notice, she complains to me that I take on too much. But my sister organizes a food drive at work once a year at Christmas and it's like she should be nominated for a Nobel prize. Thank goodness I have learned over the years to just brush it off, my hubby on the other hand still gets upset with my mother, her attitude bothers him more than it does me!
@pilbara (1436)
• Australia
31 Aug 07
Yes my older sister was mum's favourite and my younger sister was dad's. I was the middle one and always felt a bit left out. A few years ago I was talking to my father who admitted this was true and while an adult can understand this, a child cannot and that hurt remains to this date.
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@soccermom (3200)
• United States
31 Aug 07
It's hard being the middle child. When I became pregnant with our youngest my hubby and I made it a point to make sure our middle child doesn't feel left out. We take her out and do special things with her, as we do with our other two children. I've heard alot that the middle kid always feels left out, and I don't want mine to feel that way.
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
30 Aug 07
Oh no! Never! My brother and I were treated alike- And I do have one now as well- My daughter- she is an only child : ) Thats terrible that your kids see how your mom is treating this baby- and not them- Kids aren't that far off alot of times you know- It's sad- I would explain to your mom what your kids are feeling!
@soccermom (3200)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I've tried to talk to her about it, she does her usual "that's ridiculous" and brushes it off. But then she wonders why my kids have started to favor my MIL, at least my MIL is involved with them and make them fell like they are important.
@SViswan (12071)
• India
7 Sep 07
When we were growing up...my sister and I always knew that I was 'daddy's favourite and she was mom's. Now as grown ups and after I've had my son, I realize it wasn't a typical favourite. Most parents love their kids the same...it's just the bonding differs based on characters. I can frankly say that my older son and I share a special bond. I was just thinking about it last week and why it was so. And I realized that it's because he is so much like I am. Since he was a baby...I could see the traits in him and instinctively sense WHY he felt the way he did. My husband always said that I have conditioned him that way. And a doubt lingered in my mind. But now that we have our second child, I realize that it's not true. Our 2nd child is only 9 months and I can already sense that he is a different individual with a mind of his own. I still am trying to understand him. And last week when I was thinking about this very topic...I thought 'When the kids grow up...this is how they are going to be and older and I will share something special'. I'm not saying that I will have a favourite and one child is going to get favours and not the other. It will be easier for me to know and understand what the older one needs and I will be able to provide it without having to speak. With the younger one, I might have to make an effort to understand him because I can't understand his thought process.
@IL2Knit (1141)
• United States
1 Sep 07
I guess when I was growing up my little sister was the favorite. I never had favorites with my kids. I loved them all the same. I tried very hard to keep things fair and even with them. I'm so sorry your kids feel left out of your moms life. She should treat you ALL with love and care. You are doing a good job with your kids and I'm sure you will love ALL your grandkids too. :D
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@bowtieguy (5924)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I was always the favorite since I was the ifrst son and all of my life's choices were excepted and praised by both of my parents.
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@cutepenguin (6448)
• Canada
31 Aug 07
I don't think my parents had favourites. And if they did, they'd certainly never say.
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• United States
31 Aug 07
In my family it was my brother. And not because he was the best or anything, but he was the only boy, he got to do anything!! We were girls and had to maintain a certain level of respectability. But he sayed out all night and got in all sorts of trouble! No fair. I however am the youngest so I am the loner by birth order!
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@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Well fo r years there was just me and my brother then my bro / was 16 when our sis came along I was gone from tjhe house my brother was soo after. So my mom tool up with sister and she is her favorite. Me it is my brother for we are closer I will tell him things before I tell my sis. I think I was my dads favorite for I worked on yard and cars with him. As for my kids I cant say they each have their own ways and each is dear to me. I could never tell either one of them I love them best for to me they are different people with different needs
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