Why Abortion? When does it become the only choice left?

Philippines
August 30, 2007 10:46pm CST
I have a friend whose teenage daughter is pregnant. Her daughter is only 17 years old. The father of the baby is a married man. She didnt have knowledge of the relationship until the pregnancy. She trusts her daughter and she's been busy with her work. My friend is a single mom. But she is a good mother. I know this for a fact. She is very confused and desperate. She asked me if I knew an abortionist. Abortion is illegal in my country. But that is beside the point. Legal or illegal, I strongly dont believe in abortion. I asked her, why abortion. She told me it seemed to be the only choice left to save her daughter. I am also confused coz honestly I am not sure also what I will do when faced with the same problem. I maybe very strong with my faith and belief about about abortion but I don't think I would know what to decide if I were on my friend's shoes. Please tell me your thoughts. Thank you.
4 people like this
17 responses
@Lifeless (2638)
• India
31 Aug 07
Since ur friend's daughter is too young to have a baby of her own, abortion seems the only way out to take her out of trouble which she might face in her future... Also the father of her child is married, so there's no point of commitment from his side.. But I don't seem to understand, how did it all happen?? How can a married man have an affair with such a young girl?? Was she forced into it or what??
3 people like this
• Philippines
31 Aug 07
She's seventeen young and in love. She told us she's in love with the guy. But she didnt know he's married. She was only told he's got kids. She's an academic scholar, an intelligent child. I even asked her how could she have done this to her mother who's only dream is to give her a good life. I blame the very selfish, irresponsible man who got her pregnant. He should be the one to suffer not them.
2 people like this
• Philippines
31 Aug 07
Don't get me wrong but my friend's daughter is a good child. I just cant understand the circumstances of her actions, of her getting into this kind of problem.
2 people like this
• Philippines
31 Aug 07
I agree with you Eden. The man lied to the poor child. She's young and isnt mature enough to see thru his lies. We all have wrong choices in life and this is one of those wrong choices she made.
2 people like this
@cripfemme (7713)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Sometimes a woman might feel stuck or totally helpless in the situation. They might have no money, no job, or be unable to finish school while pregnant (depending on the social mores of the country), or not be ready to parent.
@suspenseful (40313)
• Canada
31 Aug 07
I do not believe in Abortion. It kills an innocent life and will ruin the 17 year old who will regret it later. She should have the baby, and either keep her or him or give the baby up for adoption. There are thousands of couples wanting children who are unable to conceive, more now since in many countries, the supply of newborns is diminishing. Besides what about the father. He committed the sin of adultery. He cheated on his wife and deceived this young lady by not telling her of his marriage. If the girl keeps the baby, he should be responsible for the financial upkeep of the child.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
31 Aug 07
The father of the unborn child is a 25yr old married guy. He doesnt have a stable job and seemed to be very irresponsible. He's got 2 kids with his wife and he couldnt even support his family. So it's not that easy.
2 people like this
@eden32 (3975)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Why would it automatically 'ruin' the 17yo and who's to say she'd regret it? Having a child with an irresponsible, liar of a man and leaving school sounds like actions that are just as if not more regrettable than choosing to end the pregnancy.
1 person likes this
• Australia
31 Aug 07
I think by "ruin" suspenseful means that it would definitely have some sort of negative emotional and mental affect on the poor girl; regardless of whether she and others acknowledge it or not. Statistics say that most women that seek abortion as a cure to their dilemma later have regrets and emotional issues. I would not wish this on a 17 year old girl and her family at all. Abortion is not the solution! There are always options, and those options should always be explored and thought about extensively before any action is taken; once someone has killed the child, it is gone, it is irreversible, I hope that your friend and her mother fully realise the extent of what they are proposing. It is definitely not a decision to be made lightly.
1 person likes this
@xiuluoelly (1225)
• China
31 Aug 07
I think she chose abortion is right. Although I do not agree, but we are often the only frustration we do not wish to make the choice to avoid these helpless in fact very simple, it is responsible for their own, not lightly to the forbidden fruit.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Yes it is really difficult especially at that stage in life. She's got her own life to live and none of us can really force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. We may not agree with her end-all choice, but it's her life, her choice and that must be respected. Thanks for contributing Xiu.
1 person likes this
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
1 Sep 07
I personally believe that any women should have the right to choose whether to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term. It is my belief that a first trimester pregnancy is not a living thing, but merely a cluster of cells. There is no heart, no brain, and no form and a woman who does not wish for it to grow into a living baby should have the option of having it removed from her body, regardless of her reasoning. However, since abortion in your country is illegal, I would be afraid. when abortion was illegal in the US women were dying after going to back alley butchers to rid themselves of unwanted pregnancies. I don't know if it is as dangerous in your country. If it is, I don't know if the risk of losing her life is greater than the risk to her career if she has the child.
1 person likes this
@ZenDove (698)
• United States
1 Sep 07
What concerns me most of all, and hasn't really been addressed here amongst all the very caring responses, is the illegal abortion. These are very dangerous and can be deadly - to the mother. In this country, at least for now, women have the right to choose. I respect a woman's right to choose, even when the choice is different from the one I might make. As a matter of fact, the agruments made before the Supreme Court centered on a woman's right to privacy, the right to govern her own body. I do not feel that abortion is birth control. Rather it is a solution for an intolerable situation. It is not for me to decide what is, or is not, intolerable for the next person. Personally, if it were my dilemma, I would move heaven and earth to keep my grandchild but I would not sacrifice my daughter or her future in order to do so. I would not insist that my daughter give up an education that I could not otherwise provide for her. Mainly, as I said earlier, I would keep my daughter safe from "back-alley" abortionists. Untold numbers of women have been permenantly injured or even killed by unsanctioned abortions. Your friend stands the risk of losing both her child AND her unborn grandchild from such a desperate measure. You mentioned the pregnant girl's father and that he lives in the US. Perhaps, he can bring her here for a safe, legal, medical procedure. I realize that the expense could be prohibitive but when you consider the danger to this girl's life as well as her future, what price is too much? Abortion does not have to leave an emotional scar on the woman who chooses to have one. It can actually be felt as a relief and a near avoidance of disaster. I have worked with children who were born by parents who did not want them, there are few things sadder and more damaging to society. It is a beautiful thing that you are supporting your friend, in spite of your personal beliefs. Perhaps that is a true test of friendship. I wish you all peace and health.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Sep 07
Well, there was this one case that my mother told me about, a 13 year old girl got pregnant by her uncle, and the only way to rid herself of the inbred child was to abort, in a case like that, I do not judge, and she was in a truly horrible situation, so for her to abort the child was of no shock, honestly, would you keep your uncle's child, a child that may not survive because it is inbred? I do not think that I would.
1 person likes this
@sunshinecup (7880)
31 Aug 07
I think your friend's daughter is making a choice based on her situation as of right now, there are no guarantees in life. Sure she could go on and raise the child and be quite happy or she could raise the child hate it and abuse it. We don't know. So when does abortion become the only choice? I think it's when the female feels it is. Only she knows what she can and can not handle.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
31 Aug 07
It's quite a situation you posed. For once I'm kind of at a loss for words. I would try to raise the child, but I can clearly see how it will cause immeasurable difficulty in the future. There is also adoption if that is a possibility, but I don't want her giving up something she loves or doing something else she may regret. One thing I'll say Euphro. Stay with her and make sure to support her and that her family supports her. She will need all the strength she can. My thoughts are with you both.
1 person likes this
• Australia
31 Aug 07
To begin with, I am glad that you are there for your friend, good on you. Secondly, I am against abortion (unless it is a rape victim). My opinion on the situation is, if the daughter was "adult" enough to have a relationship (especially with a married man), the she is "adult" enough to care for the child that she brought into this world (for even though it is yet to be born, it is still part of this world inside its mother) - and the married man, regardless of the effect on his relationship is also responsible and capable of caring for the child. He should also have some input into what becomes of the child. I think that your friend should consider putting the baby up for adoption after birth, there is an ENORMOUS amount of people out there that are unable to conceive children of their own and would do just about anything to get their hands on a little one. What is the sense in killing a child when you could carry it for nine months and give it to someone that would love and cherish that child as their own?? Also, if abortion is illegal in your country, doesn't that indicate to some extent that it is not the right course of action?? If they chose to go ahead with the abortion, could your friend and her daughter live with the fact that they are murderers?? I know I couldn't
• Philippines
31 Aug 07
i feel the same way but it's more complicated than that. my friend's daughter is in her 2nd year of college and is under a scholarship program. if the school finds out she is pregnant she could lose her scholarship and had to quit school. my friend is a single mom and is trying to make ends meet for her and for her daughter.
2 people like this
• Australia
31 Aug 07
I hate to sound negative (and perhaps mean) but there is not other way to say it...she should have thought about the consequences of her actions before she followed through with them. Surely the college cannot expel her on the grounds that she has conceived a child?? A scholarship is awarded to those that have "promise" is it not? Then I do not believe that she would lose any of her intellegence throughout the pregnancy. If she is committed, she can still finish her studies and have a child. If the college was approached reasonably about the matter I'm sure some compromise could be arranged. She needs to take responsibility for what she has done, and if that means giving up her studies temporarily, then I believe that that is what she must do. You can't possibly justify murder by weighing it up against being able to complete some studies, it's just not comprehendable.
2 people like this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Well some do count it as a life on conception due to religious and/or moral beliefs. However this is naturally not applicable to all. But without the above statements Sacrificial is correct, at least the scientific facts of what is going on there. And for others abortion does end up being the final choice/only choice depending on the situation. People aren't gonna see eye to eye on this one and yea some of us do want to avoid abortion when possible. It simply won't happen in every situation given reality.
1 person likes this
@wavelander (1529)
• Portugal
31 Aug 07
Well, abortion it's not always the only choice left. I know it's a difficult situation but she can always have the other choice of having the baby.
• Philippines
1 Sep 07
I am hoping and praying so hard that they will let the unborn child live. If they decide to keep and raise the baby or have the baby adopted, I would be happy either way.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Sep 07
I'm sorry but I can't be happy for her if she decides to do something that is very wrong. But then again it is her life and it is her choice. I just hope whatever she decides she will not regret it.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Sep 07
Thank you Sacrificialcalm. You have given your thoughts honestly about this issue and I am grateful. We may have different views on this but I understand where you're coming from. I can see and feel you really care even if we dont know each other. Again thank you very much. And to everyone who took their precious time to respond to this issue, I thank you all. Let's all hope things will turn out well for my friend and her daughter. Let's all hope that whatever they decide to do things will still turn out well, just and fair to everyone involve.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Sep 07
I completely agree with you about abortion. I dont believe in it either (also unless its a rape victim.) The daughter should have a choice about what she wants to do. And having an abortion isnt going to "save her daughter." What about taking an innocent life? The decision should be left up to the daughter. And of course the mother isnt to blame, im sure shes a great mother. And you are such a great friend for being there.
• United States
4 Sep 07
Sorry if i offended with you my opinions. Why wouldnt a fetus be innocent in all of it? Its not the baby's fault if the parents dont want it. The baby couldnt have prevented it. The parents could have though.
• Australia
6 Sep 07
Sacrificial, in response to your question, "was hitler innocent..." and so on, I would like to say that all children are innocent until they begin to be conditioned by the people and the circumstances around them. Some may have a disorder that interrupts or alters "normal" brain activity causing them to do unthinkable things early or late in their lives, but they are innocent of that condition too, they did not wish it on themselves, they were given it genetically and cannot change that. They are not innocent however, of their adult actions, regardless of what caused them to do such negative/hateful acts; those actions must be accounted for and suitable repercussions reached if possible.
1 person likes this
• Australia
7 Sep 07
Firstly, it is impossible to know such details. What I ask you, is that in knowing something like that (if that were possible) would you not take action against such negative conditioning of your child?? I know that I, personally, could not stand by and let my child develop into a monster if I could prevent it. I would trust that the light, love and laughter that I brought into the child's life would guide its life in a more constructive direction. There is always a choice. And I don't believe that any adult human is innocent. We have been exposed to too much to be innocent, each and every one of us.
@crazed_moma (1054)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Is the pregnancy going to harm her daughter? Or is she just looking to avoid the social stigma of an unwed, teen mom? I was 16 when I got pg with my first and my mom supported my decision to go through with the pregnancy. (Abortion did cross my mind but I knew I wouldn't get any support going that route and I decided not to). I did have my moms help the first year while I finished high school but after that I was pretty much on my own. It wasn't easy but at this point I'm very glad I made the choice I did. I can't imagine my life minus my oldest child.
@eden32 (3975)
• United States
4 Sep 07
I also had my first child at 16, BY CHOICE. I have never seriously wondered "what if" or wished I had done anything differently. But again, it was my CHOICE; and that makes all the difference in the world. I too am very happy with the choices I made, but it was far too big of a commitment for it to have been anything but my choice. If you are 16 or 46 , if you don't wish to be a parent you're not likely to be a good one.
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
5 Sep 07
I also had my first at 17. My choice. My ex offered to marry me and I accepted. he drank and i took care of the kids and house. he hit me and I divorced him. But I chose my son. I wouldn't trade that choice. but I had family who helped me. I would never seek to deny anny woman their choice.
@healer (1783)
• India
31 Aug 07
I am really against this abortion, everyone knows that it very dangerous and have to be careful and control up to some limit. I was a teenage once and i could avoid such circumstances and anyone can do that, untill and unless its a case of rape and if so we get justice. I see many friends stuck in such troubles and they end up in an very ugly manner. Teenagers are old enough to understand this burden and they should try to avoid getting into such situations. We are the ones who control ourself and we can make things happen and we can stop things happen. So, how many teens are here in mylot you should try to maintain your prestiage/status and avoid such situations.
@eden32 (3975)
• United States
4 Sep 07
Unless you are talking about illegal terminations, there is virtually no risk in terminating a pregnancy early.
@MisterPlus (1917)
• Philippines
31 Aug 07
Abortion has always been the issue to early pregnancy. Voluntary expulsion of a fetus is a crime in my country too and it's agianst God's rule for me. The baby inside her is innocent to their mistakes. For me, give the baby a chance to see what for him in this world. God may plans for him and he maybe the key for their survival. For the case of the girl. She had learned her lesson well now I guess. There are other options aside form abortion and it is keeping the baby.
• Philippines
1 Sep 07
Thank you for thoughts Mister Plus. You are very positive about this issue. I actually told my friend the same thing about the unborn child. But it's something that is just really hard for her to think or even consider right now. You are right, there are options other than abortion and it shouldnt be even an option in the first place. Maybe it's easy for us to say these things because we are not faced with the same problem. Yes the child made a mistake and she has definitely learned from it, the very hard way. Now they both have to deal with it.
@aries_0325 (3062)
• Philippines
12 Jan 08
Just tell your friend that don't try abort the baby of her daughter. Like her, as a single mother, I think her daughter can be a good single mother like your friend. Abortion is an absolutely wrong and it is a crime of murder. And absolutely I am not favor for this. And I think the fetus have life and like us she/he have a right to see this wonderful world.
@meljessxena (2317)
• Australia
1 Sep 07
oh your friend is so lucky to have you for support. i think your friend needs to sit down and talk to her daughter and find out if the daughter wants to keep the baby. i dont believe in abortion unless e.g rape etc. its really the daughter choice i think if she wants the baby or not and the mother needs to accept the decision her daughter makes and be the support for her as either way she will need heaps of support. good luck to your friend and her daughter.