Should she be the one to "pop" the question?

@LCecelia (1124)
United States
August 31, 2007 5:41pm CST
Yes, its another one of my "Dear Abby" discussions. :-) A young lady wrote in to ask if she should she wait around for her boyfriend to pop the question. She explains that whenever they discuss marriage his comment is "when YOU want to ask." So now my liberated sisters, and well, I don't mind getting some comments from the gentlemen too, should she or shouldn't she? Ladies...would you pop the question?
2 people like this
11 responses
@candy111 (241)
• Philippines
31 Aug 07
If this lady really feels that this person is the one for her, then I do not see any problem in popping the question. His answer is so vague when she brings up the topic, she may as well ask and get an answer instead of waiting around and possibly losing time to find the one that wants to spend their lives together. Now, if she is happy with ust being with this person regardless of whether they are married or not, then, its her choice whether to wait or just let things be as it is. In this day and age, I really dont think women have to wait around for men to propose to them. We have blossomed as a gender that can do most everything that we were not socially approved of doing so in the past. Its not a matter of being a feminist or not, its also a matter of practicality.
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
31 Aug 07
And that was one of her reasons for writing. She already has a child from another relationship and she wants more children, however she wants to be married when she does.
@sunshinecup (7880)
31 Aug 07
I think sure why not? I mean I never understood why only the guy could ask, anyway. It just didn't make sense to me. So I say if the gal wants to ask, she should.
2 people like this
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I guess that there is just an unwritten law that men are supposed to ask, I don't know. But I think its OK for a woman to ask. I'd be too scared to do it though. :-)
• Malaysia
31 Aug 07
She should just ask him. No sense in waiting until they're both old and grey, right?
2 people like this
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Thats my opinion too, as long as she is ready for his answer.
1 person likes this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
31 Aug 07
It could work and I would be flattered if I was asked in a special way. I talk about it a bit in my proposal idea thread listed here http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1262085.aspx And basically I do use a male to female dynamic but a couple of ideas at least make clear that this could be used for female to male. I actually encourage it :D
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@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
31 Aug 07
Wow, I'll have to read that one later. :-) Its good to know that men would welcome women proposing to them. Thanks!
@derek_a (10897)
1 Sep 07
Personally, I don't see anything wrong if the lady pops the question. I suppose in a way it would be flattering..
1 person likes this
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
1 Sep 07
:-) You don't sound too sure. Just teasing you!!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Sep 07
I guess it is better if the man should be the one to ask first about marriage cause that just means that he really loves the girl and he thinks that she is the one for him. But considering these time where womens are much more aggressive than mens I think it's not more an issue of who would ask the question first.., well it's just what i think...
1 person likes this
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
1 Sep 07
And you are right in your thinking. Traditionalists think the man should ask, however we have all evolved so to speak, where the woman can ask a man to marry her if she so choose.
@urbandekay (18308)
1 Sep 07
Yes, cut to the chase and ask him all the best urban
1 person likes this
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Awesome, another vote for women making the first move. :-)
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@sedel1027 (17851)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I definitely would! If you are ready for marriage and you have discussed it with him, there is no reason to pop the question. You could even get down on one knee and present him with something. Then go shopping for your ring together.
1 person likes this
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
1 Sep 07
I just remembered that movie with Julia Roberts and I believe Richard Gere when you mentioned getting down on one knee. :-)
1 person likes this
@meemingNEW (2228)
• Philippines
1 Sep 07
Well, if women are given the chance or possibly change the way of what boys can do and what women can't. What I mean is that, instead of men doing courtship and proposals, can women be the ones who will be courting and proposing to men this time around or soon? If that happens I would definitely be the first one who would "pop" the question to my boyfriend. But as for now, I will just wait for the guy to do their thing "courtships and proposals". I just think that it is improper for women to pop the question first during this time or generation maybe. :)
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
1 Sep 07
And that's OK that you think that. You still value tradition. I think its OK for the woman to ask but I'd be really nervous doing it. :-)
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
1 Sep 07
engagement - getting engaged -- can the girl propose? sure she can
I don't see anything wrong with it. If they've been in the relationship for quite some time now, then maybe it's time to find out what's the deal. If the guy says no then she'll be free to move on. Judging from the responses here, there seems to be a consensus that she should go for it. So the bigger question now is, should she kneel when she asks? Should she have a ring for the guy? Now that's something else!
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Speaking as a women we do need to know where we stand in a relationship especially if we want to have a traditional family, ie first marriage, then children. I think she should kneel if she wants to be traditional or start a NEW tradition. Ring? I don't know. Do they make engagement rings for men?
@andyliuzn (1029)
• Guangzhou, China
1 Sep 07
Hi Cecelia, It's OK for me, but quite some people think that Man should propose here:) Andy
@LCecelia (1124)
• United States
1 Sep 07
Excellent, a liberated man!!! :-) Some people do love and still honor tradition.
1 person likes this