Would you ever ban your children or grand-children from your home?

United States
September 5, 2007 9:31am CST
Of course, I am referring to grown adult children, not the little kids. If your child or grand-child grew up to be a criminal or drug user, would you ban them from visiting you in your home and insist that they seek treatment before seeing them again? Or, do you think that would just be another way of abandoning them? What would you do?
11 people like this
14 responses
• United States
6 Sep 07
I would not ban my child from my home. You can love your child and not support their bad habits.
@madlees (1381)
• India
28 Feb 08
Yes I also belong to your group. I just cannot ban my kids or grand kids for that matter, whatever they do. If I can I'll try to set them right and I'll try my level best to do that. I would like to help them and not throw them out...
• United States
6 Sep 07
No matter how much you love your kids and grandkids it's never easy saying no to them.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Sep 07
I guess it all depends. If its a minor offence I would allow them in my home so long as they were getting help. If its a bigger crime like say.. murder, I would not allow them. I do not like people who do things like that and certenly do not want them in my house regardless of if there my child. It would be a long while before I let them back. They would have to show me that they have changed and are better now, getting help. I dont want to abandon my kids but as an adult they make there own choices and have to pay the conciquences. I will always be there for them, helping, as long as they want me to be.
@diannebcrs (1549)
• Philippines
6 Sep 07
I don't think it's good for a parent to abandon their child even though the child's a criminal or what. Children who have problems like this - or children who are the problem - need help, guidance, and support from their parents. Abandoning them will only result to worse situations for them because they might feel neglected the time when they really need someone to turn to; hence, they might burden themselves with so many negative emotions. Parents should still be there for them.. In you question, "would you ever ban your children or grand-children from your home?".. No. A home is where every member of the family is welcome to.. That's why it's called a home. The children - whether they're good or bad - should still be the guided by their parents because they're family. Thanks for the discussion. =)
@madlees (1381)
• India
28 Feb 08
a home is where you can come and relax. It is right, but if they are against the law and are hiding in our homes then we have to think of something. We have to do something about that haven't we? Guidance and help we can give, I am no person to push them out without reason either.
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
6 Sep 07
It depends if they were any harm to me and my family if I accepted them into my home. Of course I would want to take them in but it will all depend on the seriousness of his/her condition, whether he/she was willing to help themselves give it all up and so forth. Treatment would be the first option and then with me by their side helping them every step of the way. After treatment then I would take them in to help them get on with their lives.
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6252)
• Malaysia
6 Sep 07
Hello beautyqueen26, This is a hard question to answer. As a mother, I don't think I will ban any of my children from home whether they are good or bad children. I just don't have the heart to do so. But where safety is concerned, I still need to think carefully whether they could bring harm to the entire family or not if I allow them to enter my home. Being a mother, it is just hard to decide when it is something related to the children. As for the mother, a child is still a child no matter how old or bad he is...
1 person likes this
@wotfpatty (2068)
• United States
6 Sep 07
Hmm, I am a mother to a 21 year old and a near-17 year old and I really can't say. I know that if they were getting help and such I would be 100% supportive and never ban them from my home. If they were out of control, I would help them not abandon my kids or grandkids. I would try my best to intervene and get them the help they need whether it was rehab or whatever. If they were continual criminals (I can't even imagine that but...) and seemed cold hearted and didn't want to change, I may have to do it for my safety and to show them that I mean business. But my very first line of defense would be getting through to them and getting them help. I would only give that up if I really felt that nothing I did would be of any use and they may be a danger to me or steal from me, etc. I hope I never have to make a decision like that!
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
6 Sep 07
That is a tough one- I guess it would depend on if they were wanted by the police- I don’t think I would ban them- I would try to get them help- I wouldn’t let them live with me- and I certainly would not allow anything illegal in my house- But I would not cut them out of my life either-
@carlaabt (3505)
• United States
5 Sep 07
The only way I can see banning my child from my house would be if he became a danger to me or my other family members. I would try to help him get the help he needed to overcome his problems. I do think that as long as your child is trying to straighten back up, you need to be there to support them.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11748)
• United States
5 Sep 07
I think they would have to really have done something terrible to ban them from my house. If they caused trouble or stole from me while they were there, I would make them leave. I may even turn them in for stealing, if it was something worth reporting.
1 person likes this
@izathewzia (5141)
• Philippines
28 Feb 08
I am a mother. It is the nature of the mother to be very loving to their children and grand children. If they become offenders someday, which I hope will not, I will accept them in my home. But I will do my best to guide them on the right path.
@Darkwing (21588)
28 Feb 08
I love my children and my grandchildren, and if they got into any sort of trouble, I would never abandon them, or ban them from visiting my home. They're a part of me, and although I know I brought them up well, sometimes, kids, in their adolescent years, get into the wrong crowd, and go astray. I did go through this when one of my boys was in his adolescent years, and my immediate reaction was to help him, by being there for him, and contacting counsellors etc., to get him sorted. I did, however, ban his friends from my home, and told him that if he wanted my help, he was to avoid them like the plague. He had to make up his own mind, who had his best interests at heart. Thankfully, that worked, and he's grown to be a great Dad to three of his own kids, because I took time to listen to him. He now has a problem with his fourteen year old daughter coming out of school, without permission, so much so that he and his partner have to go to court over it. They can do no more than take her to school and sign her in but she comes out of school and goes to her friend's house. So, he now faces a similar problem and I believe he appreciates more what he went through. I don't have any worries over him any more, and he is certainly not banned from my home, nor is his daughter. In fact, I invited her to come and stay with me for a while and try the school close to me, where she can possibly make new, and better friends. Brightest Blessings.
@bagumbayan (2705)
• Philippines
18 Sep 07
I will not ban them of course.They are my family I will try to talk to them, help them out on their problems. But if they will do bad things in my home of course I will call peacemaking people to help me out. But as much as possible I will give my best effort to let them know I care for them, and I they are members of my family.
@lilaclady (28236)
• Australia
6 Sep 07
I guess it would depend on the circumstances, I think there in some cases it is for the best for everyone, there seems to be some people who are really bad and for self survival it could be the only thing to do, if anyone creates bad karma around you then you would have to consider for the sake of everyone elses happiness it could be the best thing to do...hard but necessary...