My youngest son

My youngest son - I don't understand why he has such low self esteem.
United States
September 5, 2007 9:42pm CST
My son, is one of the kindest, caring and loyal young guys out there, and he has a girlfriend that takes total advantage of him. She takes his money, she has cheated on him, beat on him with a ballbat, slashed his car tires, at least twice, that I know of, she had an abortion, against his wishes,and yet he stays with her, because, his words ("he has been with her for over a year, and he hates to just give up on the relationship, and he's afraid that she might kill herself, if he breaks up with her.) SHe took a handful of her moms' pills once, and then came in and told him, and he rushed her to the hospital, and they pumped her stomach. He lets her control him, in many different ways. She wants him with her, everyday, after work, she doesn't like him going to any family functions, and she doesn't want him to workout. He has been working out behind her back, because he doesn't want to fuss with her about it. My son used to be a workout junkie, but she told him, that she didn't like guys with big muscles. Now, he finally got an actual thought of his own, and something clicked, and he said " if she don't like guys with big muscles, then why is she so crazy about The Rock (the wrestler). Now, in my opinion, this is a classic example of an abusive relationship, and I think he knows it, but he stays with her, anyway. Now, he's a good looking guy, he had a good upbringing, he's very loved by the whole family, so why do you think he'd put up with this treatment. By the way, she doesn't have anything to do with any of his family. She never liked me, sight, unseen, because she said I baby him too much. Before he got with her, he had a savings account, paid his bills on time, and loved going to visit his nephews, and taking them places. Now, he has moved back home, and can't even keep up his car payment, because he helps her with her bills. She's a job hopper, she either gets fired, or mad and quits, and she whines, until she gets what she wants. Now, do you feel, like I do, that she's just manipulating him, and that, more than likely, she's not gonna kill herself, if he breaks up with her, and it's mostly an act, to keep the money coming her way? That's the way that we all feel, but he's still skeptical. By the way, she's a cutter.
11 people like this
15 responses
• United States
6 Sep 07
WOW! She sounds like quite the winner. She is only with him because he pays for everything. She DOESNT LOVE him. He needs to get out of the relationship..regardless of weather or not she would kill herself. Witch is an act. I new a girl who does the same things, cuts to get attention, uses guys for money, tha abortion thing. She was to Pu**y to go through with killing her self witch im sorry would have done the world a favor. This girl your son is dating is not worth the ground she walks on. Its only going to get worse. And the fact that he cant support himself now is not good either. Hes in a hole and the only way to dig out is to burry her! SHE NEEDS TO GO!! I wish him the best and hope he sees what shes really all about! {You could always send him my way :) Id treat him right.. LOL} Good luck and best wishes!!
• United States
6 Sep 07
I agree with everything you said. We are all worried, that with her temper, she could end up killing him. Beating on someone with a ballbat, is pretty serious. She actually broke his hand once, while they were living together. He doesn't believe in hitting women, so I taught him well, but in all honesty, I'm starting to wonder if she's a woman or a demon.
2 people like this
• United States
6 Sep 07
I would file a police report next time she does something like that to him.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Sep 07
The first time we found out about it, we called the police up there, and they asked him if he wanted to press charges, and he wouldn't do it. I didn't understand that, I thought it was automatic, if a weapon was used, but maybe it doesn't apply to our small town. I bet if he'd have hit her with the ball bat, they'd have taken him to jail.
2 people like this
@secretbear (19463)
• Philippines
6 Sep 07
what's a cutter? maybe your son loves his gf too much. but its a waste coz she doesn't give importance to it. I agree with ambiepam that she just want the attention and she wouldn't really kill herself. I think there's a disorder like that. I can't think of anything to convince your son to break up with her. people like that would not let go until something really bad to the highest level is done to him by his gf. but I think working out behind her back is a step. maybe you should convince your son to attend family functions again even if his gf doesn't like it. tell him his nephews miss him and they'd be really sad if they didn't see him. you said he adores his nephews so I think he'd consider that. getting connected back again with your family would help him in his situation. he'll realize that his gf is not the center of his world and there are other people who can make him happy. tell him one year is not long enough to let his gf run his world. or maybe I can go there and kick that girl's azz. LOL or maybe I can date your son and do the convincing. LOL just kidding. ^__^ smile brendle boop, there's hope for everything. ^__^
• United States
6 Sep 07
A cutter is someone who slits ther wrists, cuts there skin. Posibly tring to kill themselves or for the attention.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Sep 07
A cutter is someone who cuts themself. They say it makes them feel better, or something. I have seen your photos, so I think you could do a good job of taking him away from her, coz you are much prettier than she is,so come on down. You have my blessing. lol
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19463)
• Philippines
6 Sep 07
haha.. i'd be happy to drop by, take the girl out of the picture and make your son happy! LOL wait for me, i'll just put on my wings. ^__^;; oh so that's a cutter. i thought it was someone who cuts grass or hair. LOL
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (51023)
• United States
6 Sep 07
A lot of people have mental illness. Going on just what you have told me, I DON'T think she has one at all. And I doubt she would really kill herself. She wants attention. It's not as easy to kill oneself with pills. I mean she would have had to take a massive dose, and I'm bettng she didn't. I don't know what to say to help you. Does he have any close male, or better yet female friends who could tell him this isn't natural, and she will ruin his life? I worry his self esteem is crushed because he still sticks with her, but I am loathe to know how that could be repaired. He might find it is unmanly, as a lot of guys do, but support groups are available. Going to one might encourage him to see he is not alone, he can be happy again, and he is only responsible for his own happiness. NOT hers.
• United States
6 Sep 07
She has alienated him from most of his friends, and they have all told him how unhealthy it is. He has tried to break up with her, a couple of times, but she always does something(the pills, for example, or cutting herself), and she has even used the abortion, by saying that she regretted it, and blaming it on him, because, she didn't think he was really ready to be a father yet, and that's why she did it. Just all kinds of stuff, to keep him feeling guilty or sympathy for him. You wouldn't believe the amount of times, I've seen him cry over the baby, that he believes, was his, I'm not sure that it was his, as she's a cheat, but it was still a baby, and I have cried over it too. She has changed him so much. He went from a happy guy, that loved goofing around, to a guy that just looks sad, all the time. The only time he can talk to anyone, is at work. He does have friends there, and they have all tried talking to him, and just when you think that he's seen the light, she pulls out another trick from her hat.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (51023)
• United States
6 Sep 07
Do you think she even was pregnant? It's not unheard of for a woman to use a fake abortion as a manipulating ploy. Have you ever seen the show Intervention on A&E? I wonder if something like that would save him.
• United States
6 Sep 07
Yes, she was pregnant, because he went to the doctor's appt. with her, when she found out. Then he went with her, when she was discussing options with family planning. I don't know how far along she was, at the time, I'm guessing about 3 1/2 or 4 months, because she didn't do it right away. I'd hate to see her get pregnant again, I don't think he could handle her having another abortion. I've seen that show, I don't know if something like that would work or not. Maybe, it could.
• Philippines
6 Sep 07
i feel sorry for your kid Brenda, how old is he? maybe i can date him..lolzz..just kidding hun..i think he just got his life into mess because of this girl..from my opinion, i think he is not manipulated he is just stuck there because he is afraid of her killing herself..so, she threatens him on that way to keep him..i dunno what to say about this, i dunno if what i was saying is helping but only your son can make his way out of that relationship..i just hope he find his way out sooner before he totally get messed up..
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Sep 07
Thank you. He is 25 now, that pic was taken about a year ago. He looks so young, doesn't he? The girl is 22. Although she acts like a spoiled 10 year old. Too bad you're so far away, I'd hook you up. lol
• Philippines
7 Sep 07
whoah! so ok, he's 25 and i'm 23 oohh..perfect..he he he..yeah, he looks handsome to me..
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Sep 07
yes, perfect. Come on down. lol
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
7 Sep 07
I think she is just using him, and when she doesn't get what she wants when she wants it, she threatens him with killing herself..If she wanted to do it she would have done it by now..If he wants to have children she is not the choice of a good mother for a child...He needs to call this one off and if she does kill herself or whatever it isn't his fault..It is sad that she has to do this to him...He should tell her to take a hike...I know he doesn't want to hurt her but he is only hurting himself in the long run...No one owns anyone and that is exactly what she is doing to him..She thinks she owns him and can make him do want she wants..He should have left her the minute she aborted his child without his knowledge...It is a choice that he will feel good about once he decides to make it....I wish him luck and will be praying for his happiness....
• United States
7 Sep 07
I agree. We all thought, well, now that she had this abortion, he will finally leave her. But, then she really poured on the "I need sympathy bit". Immediately after, it was "I didn't know what I was doing", what have I done", "I wish I hadn't done that", and so on. So there she went, and turned on the tears big time, and made herself the victim. And he fell for it. We were all pretty stunned by that.
1 person likes this
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
7 Sep 07
I don't know what it is going to take for him to realize he doesn't have a future with her. If anyone even thought about hitting me they would have been out that door and to never return...He is a good looking man and he deserves better..
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Sep 07
i totally agree,he needs to get rid of her fast,he doesnt need to put up with that stuff,hes a nice looking kid and there someone better out there for him that will love him for who he is and not use him,he deserves much better than that,no one should have to deal with that.take care brenda,hopefully maybe he will come around and it will sink in eventually and get rid of her.pattie
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Sep 07
I also don't think that she will kill herself. I think some people just say that to keep a relationship. Has your son ever been in another relationship like that? Maybe something happened and he doesnt have self esteem and this is why he puts up with it. Your son does not deserve to be treated this way but theres not much you can do about it. I was in a situation like this once and my whole family tried to tell me about my boyfriend. He done the same things with the keeping me away from my friends and family. My parents were also very worried and upset about it but nothing they said i would listen to. You just have to give your son time to realize it on his own. Which he will eventually do.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Sep 07
His previous relationship, was with a nice girl, but she hurt him, and that may be why he's trying to hang on to this one. I try not to presure him too much, because I'm hoping he'll come around, soon.
• United States
7 Sep 07
Maybe thats part of it then. Or maybe hes afraid to be alone? Thats part of the reason i stayed in the relationship that i was on. And finally i had enough. All of the emotional stress finally got to me and i just couldnt handle anymore. Hopefully your son will come to his senses soon. I hope it all works out and i will be sure to keep you both in my thoughts.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Sep 07
No there's nothing I can do about it, but hope and pray that he finally gets out of it.
@blackbriar (9080)
• United States
10 Oct 07
She's nothing but a gold-digger that doesn't care one lick for your son. He needs to open his eyes and get rid of her b4 it's too late.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Oct 07
I agree with you, so much.
@yanjiaren (9050)
7 Sep 07
I think the gorl is very manipulative and clever and she wants to get what she can out of everyone without giving anything back. Well people like that in the long run lose out. I am sure your lovely sone will find a way out and will go for someone that deserves his love and respect. How can this girl love him if she doesnb't respect him. For me love comes with respect..No respect then the rest is a load of BE as far as I am concerned..By the way he is very handsome like his Mum lol and I will pray he gets the bestest girl in town.
• United States
8 Sep 07
I hope you're right, and he does find someone else. Thanks for the compliment, you are so kind. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and my hopes up, that he'll bow out of that pitiful relationship, soon. Take care.
@MsTickle (25065)
• Australia
6 Sep 07
I can understand your sons hesitation to drop this person. She is poison alright but she also seriously needs help and he is such a loving giving guy that he cannot walk away. He needs to understand that there is no real commitment there, that by standing by her he is allowing her to do these things, she must be stopped...at least doing it to him, she'll find someone else before she looks for help. I don't know how old he is but he needs to get away from her or else his life will continue to be unhappy and problematic...is that what he wants? If he wants to help her he needs to push her away.
• United States
7 Sep 07
Yes, exactly. I've tried to tell him that he is enabling her. I'm not sure that he understands that, he thinks he's helping her. In the meantime, she's sukking the life out of him.
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
6 Sep 07
Hi brenda! Wow what a little bi$$ch. Its sound so me like your son does realize what shes doing. He just doesnt know how to dump her. You might want to ask him if he really wants to dump her. And if he say he says yes. Maybe you can help him. Tell him you will help. I feel so bad for son. He deserves another girlfriend and I hope he soon will get rid of this one. Let us know whats going on with it. And by the way your son is good looking.LOL
• United States
7 Sep 07
Thanks, I agree, that's exactly what she is. Yes, he doesn't like hurting peoples feelings, and I know he cares about her, but I think if the right situation came along, maybe he's have the courage to do it. I would like to see him, catch her in bed with another guy. Maybe then, it would open his eyes. I think he knows she's using him, but she's so good at manipulating that when he's had enough, and tries to leave her, she does things to stop him. That's what happened when she slit his tires, and beat him with the ballbat. Then the next time, she took the pills. Thanks, I think he's good looking too, but I'm a little predjudiced. lol
@linoxy (285)
• Cyprus
6 Sep 07
I think she has some kind of mental problem and she does not love him. She just wants a punch bag in her life, and I don't think she would kill herself if your son leaves her. She need a therapist in her life, not a boyfriend. Your son looks very nice, he is good looking and it would not be a problem for him to find a nice girl to be with. On your sons behavior i have to say something. Maybe he is afraid of beeing alone. Maybe he loves her too much to give up on her. There are people who would go through anything in their life just to be with someone they think they love. This is somekind of opsessive thinking. If your son is a good person, what i don't doubt he is, he should step by step get away from her. If she is violent as you say she is, maybe she can harm him more. It is better to act sooner than later. One of my friends, she encountered with a female person, my friend is a doctor - gyneacologist, that was 15 year old, and pregnant. This 15 yo girl, run away from home, with her current husband when she was 13yo. Because my friend asked her why she runned away with her current husband, she said "I had to. He was beating me." Then my friend said that it is not normal anyone to beat her. Her answer was "But he loves me". This a true example of abusive relationship when a person can not leave someone, just because this person does not have a true view on what love acctually is. The reason why i wrote you this example above, is that some people do not have strenght to fight this kind of abuse occurancies. You should talk to your son and explain him that if this girl is acting abusive now what will happen years later. She is not going to change for better, she is going to do only bad things. Maybe with the abortion that she did she made him a favour. Beacause if he leaves her now, he does not have any responsibilities with her or a child to raise with this kind of a woman. Just think if she decided to keep the baby, in what kind of environment would this kid grow up. And i know for sure that you'd like your son to have healthy kids in any meaning of the term health. Hope this helps
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Sep 07
I believe you're right, I do think he's afraid of being alone. I really don't understand why, he has other girls flirting with him, all the time, and I know he knows he wouldn't have a hard time finding someone else. I think she just has his self esteem, so low, right now. I think that's part of her not wanting him to work out anymore. I know, that poor baby is probably better off, she couldn't be a good mother, she's too jeoulous, and much too violent. It's still sad though, and it really hurt my son, alot.
@someonesmom (5765)
• Canada
6 Sep 07
Hi brendakaya, This is a very sad situation, and it's disturbing to hear that your son's become involved with this young woman. She's clearly got some very serious emotional problems, but it's not your son's responsibility to stay with her, because he's helping out, and is afraid of what she may do. He's far too young to be with someone like this, and needs to move on, and find a healthy relationship. I hope he makes the decision, that it's okay for him to break up with her. Take Care.
• United States
7 Sep 07
I agree, and I hope so too. Thank you.
• United States
6 Sep 07
I agree with you 100%, I've come across women like her before. I wish there was a way to get your son to see what you do, but it's hard. He may feel that by admitting she is a user, that he is admitting be duped. Which can be embarrassing for a guy. Hopefully she'll go away on her own, but if not I guess your son will have to be confronted about her. Maybe a family and close friend "round table", where everyone gives their view of the situation and the girl. Maybe he'll listen, and dump her like the trash she sounds like. I wish you and your son luck!
• United States
6 Sep 07
I keep hoping that she'll find someone else, and dump him, but as long as he's giving her money, she won't. I think a part of him realizes it, but like you said, he's embarassed to admit he's being duped. he prefers to believe she loves him. I don't believe it for a minute, you don't treat someone you love like that. She's not close to her family, and she doesn't want him to be close to his, either.
@smacksman (6074)
14 Dec 07
Oh us men are mere mortals and putty in the hands of you girls. haha. Seriously, Brenda, we are now four months down the line, what is the update on the situation?
• United States
14 Dec 07
Unfortunately, it's still the same. Will he ever learn? I'm praying she don't get pregnant again.
• Canada
13 Dec 07
I truely feel for you and your son , he shouldn`t be with a girl like that ... He`s wasting his time with her , she is using him BIG TIME ... I almost wish I could talk with him and give him a piece of my mind as she does you and him ... Something has to straighten him out , its a hsrd call this one , I don`t really know what to say but try and talk him out of this relationship before something does happen and theres no turning back ... I`m surprised someone from the hopsitaol hasn`t done something about it she is out to hurt herself and is only looking for attention from him as well as wanting all his money ... Well Dear I wish you luck , I know this wasn`t much help but I hope you feel a bit better knowing atleast some people agree with you ...
• United States
14 Dec 07
Thank you so much. It really does help to know that there are people that agree with me.. Take care