How To End A Friendship
By Brian
@wolfie34 (26771)
United Kingdom
September 6, 2007 10:57am CST
As many of you know I am leaving my housemate/friend in less than five weeks now. He wants to stay in touch and keeps telling me there's always a home for me if it doesn't work out for me in Rhodes.
I've told him I'm moving to Rhodes and he thinks I will return to him, it's the only way to get away from him!
However today he wanted my address in Rhodes and my mums address and I refused to give it to him. He got angry with me and said that I was just going to leave on 7th October and break all contact with him.
I said it was for the best and now he's throwing up the last four years we've had together and that they mean nothing to me!
I know it sounds cold, callous and hard feeling but I've totally closed down my emotions and when I leave that's it I want to break contact I do NOT want him pestering me or my parents.
The fact of the matter is he won't let me go, he'd rather I'd stay prisoner and go back to the depressed, unhappy Wolfie that I used to be.
What lit the bomb today was that the local council office need a forwarding address from me so that he can get a rebate on his bills, but I refused point blank to give it to him. The counsel weren't much help.
So I've escaped to the library to let him cool down!
How do you tell someone once you leave you don't want to remain in contact, there is no easy way is there?
6 people like this
21 responses
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
6 Sep 07
It's hard, I know it has to be, ending a relationship is never an easy thing to do, especially when one of the parties does not want it to end. I know it may sound harsh but you probably need to keep putting him off until the day you leave and when the day you leave give it to him point blank. You are nicer than me I would hummed and hahed around and not given him any answer, truly you don't want him pestering you in your new life. It is hard but best to keep things peaceful between the two of you until you leave, it will make it easier for you for the remaining time you have to be there. How many days left now??
1 person likes this
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
6 Sep 07
I know it is hard, I have had to do it too many times, but for the next 31 days I would leave and go to the library or for a walk to avoid all matters concerned when it comes to an address or a phone number where you can be reached. Perhaps you could go get you one of those cheap pay as you go cell phones and give him that number and then when you leave toss the phone and him and that way he won't have a way to contact you, you might also want to get prepared for your email to be blocked by him, he does not seem like the type that will be able to let you go easily!
But highlights of this ... only 31 more days to go to freedom, to a time you can learn to love life again, on your own, without anyone bringing you down.
I am so proud of YOU~
@mummymo (23706)
•
6 Sep 07
Well my darling brother I have never really been in the same situation so I am not sure but I think you just have to spell it out to him and stay strong for your own sake! It is a pity that he started asking for this whilst there are still 5 weeks to go but my brave and happy Wolfie will not let this man get to him I am sure! You know I am always here for you if you need me, okay. Thank you so much for the lovely message for my birthday - it made me feel special! xxx
1 person likes this
@KrisNY (7590)
• United States
4 Oct 07
You need to be careful how you say it- Just go—tell him that in time you will contact him- when you are ready- but that you will. Even if you have no intention of doing so.
Then make a break- I think you leave soon- I remember it was sometime in October-
Good luck in the break and the move! Be sure to pop on to tell us how you are doing!
@eaforeman6 (8979)
• United States
7 Oct 07
Sometimes things have to end so that new things can begin. If you arent comforatble with the idea of keepng in touch then you have alot of very bad feelings that you are wanting to put completely behind you.Its your right to do that and its your right to move on. You really dont owe anyone an explanation and he shouldnt pressure you for information because that is wrong.
@shambuca (2524)
• United States
6 Sep 07
You are right Wolfie- there is no easy way- You just need to get away from him altogether...with my first serious boyfriend we tried to be friends but he just kept trying to tell me what to do and get back in my life and causing me heartache. Do what you have to to change your life- to make you happy- and I understand the emotional shut off that is normal after everything you have been through- I had to do that too. You are doing the right thing!!!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
7 Sep 07
Wolfie I am proud of you and if he does not get it by now Sweetie he never will
As for the Council needing your forwarding address why
I have not heard of that as far as I am concerned they can do their investigations and the Landlord can tell them that you have given notice and moved out I have not heard before that they need a forwarding Address
Do not give it as he will get it then
Hugs to you Sweetie and stay strong
Love
Gabs xxxxx
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
8 Sep 07
Nope, no easy way.
I'm damned proud of you for standing your ground and making this a clean break for the sake of your sanity.
Go Wolfie!
@Dolcerina (3376)
• Hungary
7 Sep 07
As I see it is not the question of how to do it, because any way you choose, or chose he does not accept it. All you have to do is just be very busy.
Once I had a boyfriend. He broke (it is a complicated story), but he said I was the biggest gift in his life. I loved him too, and I believed we stay in touch. But after a while I realized, that he decided that he wants to close our story. (Though he always denied it, when I asked) So I could not do else, than accept it. ANd I closed the story too.
So I think your friend will realize too, that he must accept it. All you can do to be true to avoid him to misunderstand what you want. Just be true.
@raydene (9871)
• United States
8 Sep 07
My Sweet friend Wolfie...The truth is the best choise. Get it over with.. It's like pulling a bandaid off a hairy spot...You can do it slow and have the pain in a series of yanks or pull one hard pull say ouch and it's over! Tell him at this point you want no contact but if at a later date you change your mind you will contact him.Stand your ground Doll!Good luck Honey..Be strong!
xoxoxo
@cmsk2005 (1770)
• United States
7 Sep 07
Nice to hear you friend after a while. I know your situation but here what you can do except just be rude and really close down your emotions and sentiment for this case. You must stay on your point and never let him win oner you by using his sentiment or emotion. It is not easy but not impossible to do it, be very strict this time and just spend the rest of the days, may be you tell him you will send him the address once you go there and settle down,
@ssf12ster (488)
• India
7 Sep 07
ask hi to go and contat somebody else. if he wants to. why is he stalking you. looks like he is a lill it deranged guy careful buddy .dnt give your address to wrong ones.be dafe and play safe.
@banukkiran (58)
• India
7 Sep 07
i know this is not easy to lose a friend and asking the permission from his what we have to do is to keep aside this ego feelings and get united because if we lose a friend and if he moves around you only it will be hell for u
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
6 Sep 07
I think it's best to not say anything very much to him at all. Don't mention your plans, try to ignore most of what he says, be evasive, even lie if you have to. Sounds as if self preservation is important. The less you tell him of your plans the less baggage you will take with you to your new life. Try to leave behind all the hurt and discomfort so you can start absolutely fresh with no remnants your life with this person - hard to do yes but really important. Things will get harder the closer moving day gets...stay strong and keep distancing yourself in your mind and your emotions. The last time you walk out the door...have a smile on your face...you'll be FREE.
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
6 Sep 07
Wolfie, can't you get a PO box or something to send your mail too.
If he wants to keep in touch, just to placate him, explain to him that you have mutual friends and that at this time you need your space and privacy. Tell him that possibly sometime in the future, when you have gotten to a better point in your life, you may contact him to resume 'the friendship' but at this point, you need to be away from him.
This leaves the idea with him that sometime in the future you may contact him - be it 1 year or 20 years but no way do you commit to it. Use words like possibly and maybe etc.
It may make these last few days more tolerable for you.
@xfallenxlostx (2074)
• United States
7 Sep 07
There is no easy way to say it. You just have to say it. Yeah, it's gonna hurt him, but you have to do what you have to do. Simple as that. It might help YOU to explain your reasoning to him, though. So i might suggest that. Other than just a blanket, blunt explanation, there is really nothing. Just tell him outright. Don't let him keep you prisoner to him. It's not fair to you my dear Wolfie.
@brew2x (3094)
• Philippines
7 Sep 07
There is really no easy way Wolfie. I've never been exactly in the same situation as you but there was a time that a friend has done me wrong and I end up our friendship right then. You made a good decision in not giving anymore information to him. Just try to be patient and wait for the day that you will leave.
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
6 Sep 07
In an ideal situation, wolfie, you would be much better off if you had somewhere else to stay until the date of your departure. I don't believe that he is going to willingly allow you to walk away. Just be on the alert for signs of trouble. He might become aggressive towards you as the date approaches. Take care!(:
@hammer100 (21)
• India
6 Sep 07
i think the best answer is to reply in positive manner i.e. speak clearly to him/her and tell him.
