How easily can you Forgive?

Singapore
September 7, 2007 8:47am CST
Hi peepz. I just wana share some thoughts I have read from a book. It says " Hating someone and holding onto bitterness builds a prison around us. Forgiving others frees us"- Steve Saint.. what about you? Do you forgive easily when someone wronged or disappoint you? I used to be a hater myself. Everytime someone says bad or stupid things on me, I keep a deep hate on that person and avoid him till he disappears. Unknowingly, what I am doing is just creating my own bitterness and frustrations...
1 person likes this
5 responses
@Lifeless (2638)
• India
14 Oct 07
It dosn't take me long to forgive anyone.. I am a very soft hearted person.. If the person says something wrong or does smthng wrong by mistake and is ready to apologise, I am the 1st one to forgive him for his deeds.. But if he/she does it with a purpose, I never forgive that person, I just try to forget him/her after giving a good verbal thrashing which he/she wudn't forget in his/her entire life...
1 person likes this
• Singapore
22 Oct 07
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Lifeless..I am not really so good in verbal thrashing. though my voice shows a lot of temper when I am upset..I really coudn't battle with words. I tried once, but i only ended up crying.
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
7 Sep 07
I was impressed by one statement in Tamil[I shall translate it for your benefit]-it was in a very old film. Don't nurture anger and hatred for a long time because the smouldering embers of hatred within will soon be the cause of a volcano, which , one day ,will burn you. It was more accurate in our regional language where it picturised anger and hatred as burning coal. Detachment from people and situations is the best solution. However, it is the most difficult task to cultivate this detachment- .
• Singapore
9 Sep 07
"Detachment from people and situation" what a very deep thought you have in there kalav..it can be done..Somehow...What keeps us from being "unattached" to a thing or someone is FEAR..Fear of being alone..security...and the fear of losing the so called "love" that we have grown accustomed with. If there will be a perfect definition of "love" that will commit you to "detach" I would take it.
@kalav56 (11497)
• India
9 Sep 07
I agree with what you say, that it is our basic insecurity that causes attachment. We may have to read more about this detachment as propounded in Hindu religious texts-[I have also not read a lot about this aspect though I have read a small portion of Swami Vivekananda's discourse on the Gita-these profound thoughts will and should inspire us but as I said earlier, cultivating this detachment calls for a lot of determination, courage and will to do so. Perhaps , as we grow older , we may hope to achieve this.We have to, for own peace of mind.In the meanwhile we will still have to struggle with ourselves and our complicated thoughts in this complicated world.But you know, I know of certain people who are absolutely decisive and have the utmost clarity of thought. one person I am talking about has not many desires in life for himself and may be this helps him to achieve that clarity.
• Singapore
22 Oct 07
hi kalav..May I know what is your religion? The pains of being human will remain a mystery...if one longs to see it that way. If one will really seek through his heart...he will find it out.For those who knock, doors shall be opened.
@Niceone (28)
• Indonesia
25 Oct 07
Hi Dinx.. ! Btw I want to ask something if I may.. since 2 months ago you just created this discussion, have you been changed ? Do you still struggle with this problem.. if you don't, then no answer nor response will satisfy you up.. Forgive me for this, I should answer your question first.. If you ask about forgive someone else, yes I'm able to do that.. you know why, because if we not forgive the person who have fault on us, we just keep hurting ourselves.. not that person.. As long as you sure you're right, then don't get bothered what other said.. Here is a simple and funny example : someone said to you 'Bad dog !!' , now see the fact, are tail grow up in your bottom ? what has change to you ? nothing ! so why you angry ?! You have 2 option at least... 1st.. Forgive and act like you just hear wind's whisper.. 2nd.. Pay attention, remember the person, hate him maybe, avoid him, etc.. For the 1st one, you really can manage yourself, you can smile and you can focus your energy to do something else that more important.. forgive and heal yourself quickly.. then nobody will hurt because of this.. For the 2nd one..,you hate him so much (is that you mean by 'deep hate' ? ) so you can fell the pain, you avoid him so it's waste your energy and attention.. you think that your action can reduce the pain, can make him suffer too, but what happen.. does he think about your suffer at all ? does he feel the same pain because of your action ? he suffer nothing and you take the full suffer !! Here just my opinion.. feel free to continue our discussion.. ;)
• Singapore
25 Oct 07
I have come to realise that hatred doesn't do me any good at all. That's why I tried to change my perspective.Accepted some advices...worked on myself and with the help of Jesus..I was able to see the truth...The truth that everyone has his own flaws and that we should be open-minded about it. No one is perfect..and it's hard to become human..we all have are own short-comings. Everyone has.No matter how strong and perfect we think we are. That is why..I seek understanding so others may come to understand me. You are right, we should forgive so we can heal ourselves quickly. If we don't, it is only ourselves who will come to lose the battle. Thanks for the reply:)
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
6 Oct 07
For me, it depends on how intense the offense he/he made. If it's just a very simple thing or an unintentional mistake, of course, I will not mind it. But if it caused much pain on me, I know I will forigve him/her but it may takes some time.
• Singapore
22 Oct 07
Yes i know it takes some time to forgive and forget..That's why I am careful in my actions ..or the things that I say to another person. If I don;t find it worth telling, I just keep my mouth shut and deal with my negative thoughts on my own.
@Pompon (1758)
• Poland
7 Sep 07
Now that you recognize it you can try to change it. Asfor me... If someone betray my trust I can forgive him after some time. But you know that sentence : "Forgive but not forget". it's exactly what I do. Nobody can expect me to act the same after he did something like that.
• Singapore
9 Sep 07
Thanks for the response..You say you "Forgive but not forget" ...isn't it the same as not forgiving at all?I mean , you just forgive for the sake of forgiving but your conscience is not forgettting what he said or did to you. If don't want to forget. that means you won't have a piece of mind? That scene will playback in your mind again and again. It happened to me too when someone said bad things about me. We had a lot of fights because of it till everyone around us esp our close friends got affected on our conflict. So when everything went way out of hand, I decided to make up with that person just so"to settle" things. But deep in my heart. I was still hurting and i hated her for it. Not until I realised the quote that I have just read from a book..I did create a prison in me for a very long time.