When you were first married, did you feel pressured to have kids right away?
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
United States
September 10, 2007 11:17am CST
Did your spouse put pressure on you to start a family right away once you got married? Or, did they understand your decision to wait awhile before having children?
I've always wanted to have kids, so having kids was definitely one of my goals once I got married. And, even though we planned to have a baby early on, it didn't work out that way. And, now that I have a family, I couldn't be happier.
In a way, I'm glad that I had the extra time with my spouse before our daughter was born. We spent so much free time together and traveled the country. We did all kinds of amazing fun things as a couple, that we are not able to do now, because there is no time.
I guess I'm lucky that there was no real pressure to have a baby right away. Some of my friends have told me that their spouse kept putting the pressure on them to have kids right away once they got married. And, I've always thought that it would have put such a terrible strain on our relationship if we had been in the same situation.
Did you feel pressured by society or family to have kids right away once you got married? Did your spouse pressure you to have children before you felt you were ready?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
11 Sep 07
My fiance and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and I told him when I frst met him: I do not like kids, I will never have kids, end of story. He had no problem with it then and we're about to get married, he has no problem with it now. He's even come to the conclusion that he agrees with me and we do not want children in our lives at all.
I feel pressure by society every day. People simply assume that getting married means you're going to have kids and if I ever bring up that I never want them, I'm told I'm too young to make that decision and will change my mind. People always attack the childfree and ask as if we're subhuman and defective. It's very insulting.
1 person likes this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
11 Sep 07
I just plain don't like children. Never have. I don't want to deal with them and I especially don't want to carry one. If I *ever* choose to have a kid, it will be a teenaged foster child.
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
11 Sep 07
You are not alone. I went through periods of time during my 20's, when I was convinced that having kids was not right for me either. However I also went through times when I thought I would die of heartbreak if I didn't have a kid. Everyone is different. Others should respect your decision to be childless.
@carlaabt (3504)
• United States
10 Sep 07
My mother in law was asking when we were going to have kids before we ever even got married! My husband just said he would like to have kids before he turned 30. He was only 20 when we got married, so that gave us plenty of time!
We got pregnant within a week of being married, though. Several people in my family told me we should wait a while before trying, but my husband and I were both pleased to get pregnant right away.
By the time my son was 6 months old, my MIL was already asking when we were having another one. I think she has finally given up on it, though. Since we keep telling her we aren't ready yet. Maybe next year after my husband gets home we will try again.
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
11 Sep 07
Do what feels right for you. I am sure you will know when the time is right. I did.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
11 Sep 07
By my family and his yes, but with either of us it wasn't really an issue. Actually by the time we got engaged, we both were ready for children and were trying to conceive once we got married. Its been 5 years since my son was born and we are trying again for another.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
11 Sep 07
By my family and his yes, but with either of us it wasn't really an issue. Actually by the time we got engaged, we both were ready for children and were trying to conceive once we got married. Its been 5 years since my son was born and we are trying again for another.
@youless (114117)
• Guangzhou, China
10 Sep 07
That is true. It is a real pressure. Because it does need some time to adjust to the life after marriage. However, you have a kid suddenly at this time, it doesn't seem to be a suitable moment. It is better to have a kid after married for about 1 year, in my opinion.
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
11 Sep 07
Definitely, some time to adjust to married life is always preferable. Though I am sure some would say that they had waited so very long and would not want to wait longer.
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
11 Sep 07
I have three children with my first husband. We were married when I was 18 and he was 21. It lasted 7 years. We were so young when we got married, nobody pressured us to have children. He didn't pressure me either, but was very excited when I got pregnant with our son six months after our wedding.
I have one child with my second husband. No pressure there either. We have a 16 month old daughter, who is the last child we will have. She was conceived 7 months after we got married. We intended on waiting because we were in the middle of a move and job change but it didn't end up happening that way. Now that we have our little girl we are obviously glad we didn't stick to the plan!
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
11 Sep 07
My fiance and I are 20 and 23 and his parents have been asking us when we are having kids ever since his 16 year-old brother got his girlfriend knocked up last year.
@Ravenladyj (22902)
• United States
10 Sep 07
no not at all..we both already had kids from previous relationships and when we got married we were both in our 30s already so no it wasnt something ppl got on us about at all..
@men82in (1268)
• India
11 Sep 07
First choice must be ladies voice. To overcome the conflict towards impotency it is a must to try immediate to solve the purpose towards life . If you dont try you might be under pressure or diverted towards anything is possible due to present scenarios. Spouses to decide towards readiness for their betterment.
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
11 Sep 07
No but I was pressured to give birth:))))))))) see I was 4 months pregnant on my wedding day. But I know what you mean I have friends who are constantly asked "and..... any news" well I am sure if there are news people will hear about it.
@ssf12ster (488)
• India
11 Sep 07
yes i was almost tricked. i spent only one year and later on there was so much pressure on me and almost she beat me up.god will i forget!yes better to have as it will lead to a lot of complications later on at a later age.so they pressurise you.
@nyumix (1658)
• Belgium
10 Sep 07
My spouse did not put pressure, but we both agreed that we will let it flow.So when I got pregnant right away after our marriage, we felt very happy. Now we have 2 children, and still happy and enjoy our marriage life. Never blame anybody because it happened very quick.
