I looked back and asked... what happened?

@pagibig (298)
Philippines
September 12, 2007 6:02am CST
I couldn't sleep earlier. For some reason i was restless. And for some reason, i had the urge to go through my old stuff. Things well hidden and forgotten. All stored in one tiny box. As i opened the box, i was thinking... i know i have a bunch of pictures here.. it'll be good to look back and think about my old friends. Then instead of that boxful of pictures, i opened the box with all my poems and letters and stories. I started reading one poem, then the next and the next. At the end of this whole experience, i asked myself... what happened to me? I was this girl who wrote poems and letters and stories. What happened? Did i lose my need to share? Or did i just find another outlet? Why don't i write letters anymore? Why did the stories stop? Then i answered... i've become a cynic. It's a sad realization. But what made me entirely sad was this... the realization that the reason i stopped was an old flame. I had my heart broken and decided to create an entirely new me. Without the poems and the letters and the stories. It is sad. Because reading what i wrote, i had a brief glance of who I really am. I've changed so much. But i'm still changing, maybe one day i'll strike a balance. That old me loved too much, trusted too much. A few months ago, i loved too much, didn't trust enough. When i decided to completely trust again, that person betrayed me. It also somehow made me realized, ive changed so much, yet i'm still the same girl. I'll strike a balance one day. But for now, i think i'll start writing poems again.
2 responses
• India
12 Sep 07
intresting.... a story in a story.. when i started reading your post i thought that you might be having a problem in sleeping due to some fear of ghost or something as i do.. but i loved the story about you... SERIOUSLY GREAT... better go to story writing
1 person likes this
@pagibig (298)
• Philippines
12 Sep 07
thank you. i tried to write today. someone it wasn't as good as my poems from way back. i'm out of touch. i'm under the phase of changing myself again. another heartbreak caused this new phase. but i'm trying to go into that creative and productive type of change. trying to get in touch with myself. the last time i changed myself i thought i was making myself better. that way i wouldn't have my heart broken. this time, i'm changing myself not to be better, but to love myself better. it's a nice feeling.
@jillhill (37377)
• United States
12 Sep 07
The same thing happened to me and six years ago I began writing again. Poem....short stories.....and now have two book out. I needed someone to encourage me...someone to inspire me. Start writing poetry again. It is the song of your soul! http://totouchaheart.blogspot.com