Do you ever approave this in case of marriage?

@subha12 (18452)
India
September 19, 2007 2:57am CST
Lets consider that you are a girl. Your parents are looking for a match. Now one of prospective groom's parents come and approve you. Say You have never met the boy. Now the groom's mother starts calling your home everyday. Will you susoect it? I think thetre are really something for which she is trying to be over pushy. Now let the bride's father goes to meet the boy and in first look he can't understand whether its ok or not. All seems OK to him. If your parents come to you and say you to marry that boy, will you? Is it not necessary to understand completelty thge person you are going to live your life with?
6 people like this
22 responses
@ailema4ever (2675)
• Finland
19 Sep 07
Of course I'm not going to marry the boy. I have to at least meet him and get to know him first. This is a modern age now and we have the right to choose. After all, marriage is "supposed to be" once in a lifetime (as I'm sure most people would want that, too), so it's very crucial that both the girl and the boy get to know each other. I mean, who knows if you can't stand the person once you get married? Then you'll be trapped for life. OK, sure you can get divorced, but why go through such a risky marriage and then deal with the bureaucracy of divorcing the guy, right? And yes, I might be a bit suspicious to the groom's mother who's too pushy. I will insist on meeting the boy before I make up my mind.
@williamjisir (22900)
• China
19 Sep 07
This kind of case seemed to be very traditional in China long ago. The marriage was arranged by the parents. Nowadays in China it is the young people themselves to decide their own marriage in most cases though there are still some similar cases in the country. Personally, it is better for the young themselves to choose and get to know each other though their life and work for their marriage.
1 person likes this
• China
15 Jul 08
Thank you so much for the best response, dear subha. Have a good day.
@jesus777 (664)
• Bermuda
19 Sep 07
hi subha 12 as far as arranged marriages by parents i dont think that it should be the parents place i feel that the two individuals should date and get o know each toher to see if they compatible before you go inot marriage!!!! because i dony want your marriage to be headed for divorce!!!!!
@cutepenguin (6448)
• Canada
19 Sep 07
I definitely would meet the person first. At least a few times. Because my parents would not be the ones whom have to live with this man, nor are they the ones who have to depend on this person for things like a stable financial future, etc.
1 person likes this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
19 Sep 07
I think that I would remind my parents what decade we are in, and then say if they like him so much they can marry him themselves!!
1 person likes this
@zabawaus (1732)
• United States
19 Sep 07
Hi subha, It is great that you opened this discussion under the title of Life. Because it is a life fact and these kind of things happening in the world. Some of the countries' small towns people are doing these kind of things. They believe that they can make the best decision for their kids. Which is totally stupid.
1 person likes this
@pillusch (1148)
• Mexico
19 Sep 07
Fixed marriages are beginning to constitute a big problem in Germany now. There are about 10,000,000 turks living there, many of who came from rural areas in Turkey where fixing marriages is the norm. The thing is that their daughters were born in Germany, have a different set of values, and obviously don't want to marry somebody because their parents say so. There was a case were a turkish boy shot his sister on the street because she ran away from the husband her parents had chosen. Talk about a clash of cultures....
@ash6666 (819)
• India
19 Sep 07
Yeah,you are right.If I assume that i am a girl i will convince my parents to fix appointment to meet him and i wil make sure that i will meet him atleast one day before the engagement.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12071)
• India
19 Sep 07
I've had an arranged marriage. But it was never like you mentioned and my parents would definitely not sell me off like a cow and insist I marry someone I do not want to. If they did, I'd probably run away from home! If the groom's mother kept calling me up before I met the guy, I'd tell my parents what I thought about her. If I thought she was too pushy, I'd try to avoid her calls. If it's after I have met the guy and given my consent, then I'll think that she's trying to welcome me into the family and helping me be a part of the family and not just the 'GUY'S WIFE'. If my dad is undecided about a guy he meets (for me),he would come and talk about it at home. We would all try to find out more as a family. My dad would never force me to marry someone if he was undecided (or even if he thought the guy was right for me). In an arranged marriage, you can't really understand a person completely before marriage. You can check if you have similar likes and dislikes..if you are from the same background...if you will be able to adjust to their family setup..financial condition and stuff like that. There are so many other things that make up a successful marriage and that will be known only after you start living with a person. But if your basic conditions match, then adjusting will be easier for both people involved and you can grow as a couple.
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
19 Sep 07
hmmmm..!! SO a pure case of arrange marriage!! See there is no such problem with arrange marriages ..unless and until you are willing to give enough time before marraige!! (thats what I think) Meeting a new a guy and staright away marrying him is just a foolishness!! One needs atleast some time like 4-6 months to know each other to get married. I will go for arrange marraige if I have not cosen anyone else by myself but I will take time to know the person whom I going to marry. As long as my father is ready to give me that time as much as I want to know that person then I have no problem for going for an arranged marraige. And YES!! it is necessary to understand that person completely to whom you are going to live your life with!! It will be foolishness to marry some unknown person, you are clearly pushing your life towards a ditch then!!
• India
19 Sep 07
I never believe in arranged marriage.How can u marry a guy without knowing him?Its really stupid.I cant marry such.
1 person likes this
@subathra (3519)
• India
19 Sep 07
I will not approve as i will ask my parents to probe into this proposal for some more time and not to take decision so fast. I think girls need time to approve someone who is a stranger by all means and moreover as she is going to live her rest of life with him forever.I strongly feel that girls parents should not decide anything in a hurry rather they should analyse the family of the boy before taking any important decision.
1 person likes this
@sang2k2 (1834)
• India
19 Sep 07
one cant understand the other person evn after satying for more thn a year or 2.bt meeting tht guy is a very important thing n a major role to play b4 getting married as d girl may nt undertand him completely bt can very well knw the attitude of tht person n his keenness towards getting married to her so its necessary for the girl to meet the guy n decide for herself whether she can spen life with tht person or no (without being into ne kind of pressure form her parents or guy's parents) all the best.
@latsmom (824)
19 Sep 07
I think that getting parents approval is a great ieda but being forced into marriage or being shunned by the family is not. I think we should be entitled to meet vthe person whom we are to commit ourselves to, after all how can you make vows to love an adore if you have never met the person before? There are a lot of arranged marriages nowadays adn many are sucessful but I think at the very least you shoudl be given teh final choice as to who you spend the rest f your life with.
@wonderful1 (2075)
• China
19 Sep 07
i can't marry a man who i had never known before, although my parents agree the marriage. i hope i can find my Mr. Right by myself. he can be a common and poor guy, but the most important is we love each other. and we can overcome any difficulty turns up in our lives. so i can't marry a man who had never known, although he is handsome and rich. if there is trouble in my family, and i will marry him if he can solve the problem in my family.
1 person likes this
@applefreak (3131)
• Singapore
16 Jul 08
mei mei senior - this is my beloved cat
wow that's really a no-go for me. i'm thankful that i'm born into a modern chinese family. no such thing as match-making for me. i don't think i can live with that. imagine marrying a total stranger? this is totally unacceptable to me. i mean how can you be expected to marry someone you've never met? it just sounds too ridiculous for me to ever accept it.
@amrishkj (297)
• India
15 Jul 08
Marriage - Well its two and two hands becoming four after marriage.
well Shuba its no using people who will not understand the culture we have in India. From the westners you will never ever get the right response. Well me being an Indian I would say that you really need to talk to the person and know him coz you are going to be with him for the rest of your life. My wife and I spent almost 7 months talking to each other and after the initial meetings and then we decided that yes we would go ahead with the marriage. If not for seven months atleast you should know the guy you are going to marry for atleast 7 days.
@MsTickle (25050)
• Australia
21 Sep 07
No-one ever knows or understands another person completely. I daresay, no-one ever understands and knows themselves completely. If you have been raised to expect an arranged marriage then I don't see a problem...I guess both the boy and girl in these circumstances have a bit of an idea what to expect and a bigger idea of what society and their parents and everything else expects of them.
@coolcrux1 (141)
• India
20 Sep 07
It does happen yet in india's country side. I am totally against of it. I mean It is not wrong that your parents select anyone for you to marry but atlease they should allow to meet and understand first, afterall you will have to pass your whole life with as a life partner. If this conditions comes to me and if I were a girl then definitely will talk to parents and try to make them understand.
• India
20 Sep 07
Arranged marriage is a best one. Look our parents have lot of dreams about our future. They never let us to go in a wrong path or life. After marriage the girl (or boy) can make a good and close relationship with their spouse. According to me no one can understand the other soon. It nearly takes 3 to 5 years for understanding. Is this possible before marriage. Obeying elders always track in good future.