Is it essential to marry if you are in a relationship?

India
September 20, 2007 11:13pm CST
Last week I told one of my friends that I am in love. Her immediate response was "When am I going to get to see your wedding?". To tell you the truth neither me nor my boyfriend has thought of it so far. The behaviour of my boyfriend is like that of a husband. He worries about me all the time, buys things for home and even does most of the work at home whenever he is around like cooking, cleaning,washing, shopping etc. He is with me at every available opportunity and we are in touch by phone or chat whenever we are not able to be with eachother.We have such a beautiful relationship and i would not want to spoil it by worrying about the future though i have a lot of inseccurities in my mind. What do you say?
10 people like this
44 responses
• United States
21 Sep 07
You dont have to get married to your boyfriend. Unfortunalty the old school people believe that marriage is the answer and although you get several tax breaks for getting married if you feel you dont need the tax breaks then dont get married. If i were asked that question i would honestly tell people (even if i have been with my boyfriend for 10 years) we are still young in the relatioship and the thought never crossed our minds but when it happens im sure you will be one of the people who will know about it.
4 people like this
• United States
21 Sep 07
Don't worry about getting married. if you guys are in love and content with your relationship keep it that way. I there's a lot of pressure everywhere about getting married. And to be honest with you I believe that's why I got married. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband dearly and couldn't imagine anyone else. But when we got married (which will be 1 year on Oct.1) a lot of things changed that both of us wish hadn't. There's a lot more to worry about. We are STILL paying on our honeymoon. How long have you two been together?
3 people like this
@bizmom (515)
• United States
22 Sep 07
I do agree there i think alot of reasons people getmaried is because of the family & friend pressures thier friends all getting married, parents wanting grandkids, ur friends that are married making u feel bad as if ur not marriable :( - OH POO!!! dont listen to any of it!! dont rush into anything!! take ur time enjoy what u have! :) next time someone askes u that just calmly , cooly say .. *WHY IS MY EXPIRATION DATE showing!?* lol lol XX Enoy being in love!:) XX
@madzie09 (279)
• Philippines
21 Sep 07
oh, maybe yor friends was just kidding when they asked you the question. we don't really have to rush things up coz we might regret it in the end. although you have a good man there with you, just enjoy being unattached first okay?
@CEN7777 (858)
• India
22 Sep 07
hi Anamika, I do not think you need to get Certified your Relationship/ love by getting married. Its good for both of U that U R committed To each other and why to bound by getting married again . U have already seen a married life at last get painful aparted. Atleast for this time U should not think of such things and just carry on with this beautiful relation. U r self made woman do not think of securities and insecurities U can deal with allsort of problems. My suggestions is just commited to him and enjoy a Best life a head.Good Luck.
@subha12 (18449)
• India
21 Sep 07
i think there is much time left for you both to connsider this. if you find both of you are ok and can live your life haopily, then its ok. But there are few conventional deas to get married when you are in steady relationship. Actually I thibnk the person who answered intended no offense.
• Malaysia
21 Sep 07
EXCLUSIVE DISCUSSION BETWEEN LOVELYDAME & MICHAEL. LOVELYDAME3000, ASK: "Is it essential to marry if you are in a relationship?". MICHAEL SAY: Not essential but better take it as a necessary. LOVELYDAME3000, SAID: "Last week I told one of my friends that I am in love.". MICHAEL COMMENT: That was good, at least got friend to share your happiness life story. LOVELYDAME3000, SAID: "Her immediate response was "When am I going to get to see your wedding?". MICHAEL COMMENT: Yeah, Lovelydame that's true, when would it be? LOVELYDAME3000, SAID: "To tell you the truth neither me nor my boyfriend has thought of it so far.". MICHAEL COMMENT: So what are you both waiting for? Nice to have it. If one of you die tomorrow!!!...aaahhh, what a "smoke over troubled water"....smoke will replace the bridge!!!! LOVELYDAME3000, SAID: The behaviour of my boyfriend is like that of a husband. He worries about me all the time, buys things for home and even does most of the work at home whenever he is around like cooking, cleaning,washing, shopping etc.". MICHAEL COMMENT: whoa!!! that was great, you can enjoy at computer and keep on posting your discussions or responding to myLot members......congrats!!!! LOVELYDAME3000, SAID: "He is with me at every available opportunity and we are in touch by phone or chat whenever we are not able to be with each other.". MICHAEL COMMENT: Yoo!....Yoo!Yoo! what a happy moment that you have had. Make me inspired to have that such way as well...!!! LOVELYDAME3000, SAID: We have such a beautiful relationship and i would not want to spoil it by worrying about the future though i have a lot of inseccurities in my mind. What do you say?" MICHAEL COMMENT: What sort of securities that you wanted to have? Financial level of comfort? Marriage Social Standing? Marriage Future Plan? Marriage Relationship Guarantee? Happiness Reliability Assessment? Please be descriptive!!!! HA! HA! HA! A! HA! Thanks for sharing your love story, LOVELYDAME3000. :::michael:::
1 person likes this
• India
7 Oct 07
A very unique and different response Michael. Well, your asessment of my inseccurities are true. Thanks a lot for responding.I am marking you best response for this discussion.
• United States
22 Sep 07
I dont think so. I have been with my hunny for 6+ years now. We have two children together. We are not married. Things are good the way they are. Plus I dont have to have a piece of paper telling me I love him {marrage certificate}. I think if you happy then be happy. Take it one day at a time and maybe someday you will marry maybe not.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Sep 07
You friend was just kidding. You'll know when you two want to get married. For me, I married my husband not far into our relationship. We were friends first, so when we decided to date, we knew it was forever... Don't do anything if you have insecurities. Just relax and go where the relationship takes you.
1 person likes this
@lzqrain (53)
• China
21 Sep 07
I you have not ready for wedding,it shoul be wait for several months.And when you feel you could become a wife of him,that's the time to married
1 person likes this
• India
21 Sep 07
relations have to be given sum names...especially in india the culture asks us to do i...gf-bf relationship doesnt have any offical recognition here really...if u really luv sumone and u think he pr she is worth u..why no get married n give a name to da reltionship..so u dont have any frnds to ask abt ur progress in relationship n stuff...i knw ur in trauma after ur first marriage went wrong...but dont be so paranoid abt it..ur bf will luv u as he does or maybe more when he becums or hubby...
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2328)
• Philippines
21 Sep 07
Early in a realtionship it's definitely wrong to make wedding plans. But if you've been together for several years and the thought never even crossed your mind, maybe there is something wrong. Marriage, after all, is the ultimate commitment.
1 person likes this
• China
21 Sep 07
Marriage is not the same with falling in love.It is holy.It means more responsibility and long time being together.So don't be so impulsive to get married.In my opinion,lovers need long time to get more knowledge about each other so as to determine whether they are fit to live together for the rest of life.Almost everyone feels happy and exited when he(she) is in love.But only some of the lovers maintain the happiness after they are married.And many will devorce at last because they are not fit for the marriage.
• Philippines
21 Sep 07
Well you don't have to get married if you're in a relationship. My opinion is, it's too early to tell if your relationship just started. I mean, it should be a process to get to the marrying stage. There are a lot of things to learn first about your union, about yourself and about your man. Not because you're in love doesn't mean you have to get married. You can do trial and error like living in together. Haha! Well, if it works for both of you then you can get married, right? It's the couple's choice to do so after all.
1 person likes this
@eprado (1470)
• Philippines
21 Sep 07
Hello lovelydame3000, No I don't think its essential to marry if you are in a realtionship. For me its much important how your relationship is, if your happy and contented with the way it is now then stay at is. Marriage is the next phase for now don't worry much about it. It will come when the time is right and both of you are really are at a level wherein both of you really want it. :-)
1 person likes this
@weehihi (132)
• Philippines
7 Oct 07
i dont agree with that..just because you're in love, you get married.. get married if you want to..get married not because of anything or anyone..get married because both of you want to.. it's just our culture telling us to get married..but then again, most marriages never last..i've seen many happy couples out there who are just living together bt their relationship is very successful. yes, i know there are a lot of things to be missed if you just live with each other..there are laws..well anyway, if someday you and your boyfriend will discuss about marriage and if you still want it, then go for it..
• India
8 Oct 07
Thanks for your response weehihi! I agree with you there.I have never felt the need of having a certification ttomy relationship.We both love eachother and are quite open about it.
@lucky_witch (2710)
• Philippines
29 Sep 07
I think its a choice. Marriage is never an assurance that relationship will work...or your spouse/partner will be faithful to you. Though that it is good to have GOD as your witness to your love and exchange vows. Also the legal benefits you will receive if you are married. But what matters in any relationship is your love and respect for each other. You can make GOD the center of your life and relationship... it will help you to commit sin to your partner.
• Philippines
29 Sep 07
I mean it will help you NOT to commit sin to your partner. If you think you are ready and willing... then marriage is good. But if not, then dont force yourself yet.
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
8 Oct 07
marriage is not essential to a relationship. In fact, some people spend half of their lives together and never marry. I think marriage is cool, but only when it's the right time, and when both people involved want to go for it and are ready for it. Otherwise, it's always better to wait.
@Sharon38 (1913)
• Jamaica
8 Oct 07
To me if I believe that we were both ready fine. But if you odnt think you are I beleive you should wait. I would love to see your wedding though!
@Sharon38 (1913)
• Jamaica
8 Oct 07
Well My friend you sound so happy and if you fear that thinking that far ahead my pose problems then dont. Take it one day at a time and continue enjoying each other. The choice is yours as always.
• India
7 Oct 07
i dont think marriage is any useful manner to live together i saw many couples fighting and many people with out marriage living happily for living together we need love not tradition,marrige bla bla bla