Somewhat at a loss
By devilsangel
@devilsangel (1817)
United States
September 21, 2007 4:49am CST
Ok so I need some advice. One of my really good friends is in a really bad relationship and I have no idea how to help her. She is dating a guy who is a complete and total jerk. What makes this hard is the fact that her bf is an assoicate of mine and my spouses boss. I actually met and became friends with her becasue of him. Well in the 5 months that they have been dating its been hell for her. Frist he lied to her about stuff with his ex gf, then he got into a domestic dispute with his ex-wife over his kids. He got sent to jail and she ended up having to bail him out by using her car as colateral. Now he's acting like a total a$$ toward her and I have no idea what to tell her. I want to tell her to kick him out but since her car is on the line cause she used it to bail him out I don't want her to lose it. I'm not sure if he'll skip town or something and then she'll be left high and dry. Secondly he moved in with her so she's not working and his income is taking care of most of the bills. She gets a little money but not enough to take care of everything. So any advice on how I can help her? I'd have her move in with me but she's got 2 kids and our place isn't big enough for that many people. I really want to help her but I just don't know what to do. I also don't want the backlash of it all to fall on my spouse while he's at work.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@redyellowblackdog (10629)
• United States
21 Sep 07
There are problems beyond our ability to do anything about them. This is one of them. Simply, politely, stay out of it. It'll be hard to do but I sure don't see any other course.
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@devilsangel (1817)
• United States
21 Sep 07
its hard to stay out of it when everynight she calls me crying and fustrated because of something that went on that afternoon. I feel helpless cause I want to help her and I dont know how.
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@redyellowblackdog (10629)
• United States
21 Sep 07
You are probably helping all that you can by lending a sympathetic ear. I'd continue that while she figures it out for herself.
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@prettiemammie (835)
• United States
21 Sep 07
Well you can be a shoulder to cry on, a reliable friend who is always there to help. You can't tell her what she should do, because she has her own mind and she can do whatever she wants. The best thing you can do for her is to be a good friend, by her side.
@missybal (4489)
• United States
21 Sep 07
This would be my answer too. Really she will have to get out of it on her own. Even if he is being a jerk, as long as he is not beating her or the kids and he's supporting them financially and all there really isn't much anyone can condone. Although no one deserves to be lied to or if he is yelling at her but she made the decision to move in with him and with her two children when she has only been with him a short time. I would however encourage her to start saving everything that she can incase it does end so she has backup and it must be kept secret from him.
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@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
21 Sep 07
That is a hard one and the backlash could very well fall on you and your spouse. His job could be in jeopardy and so so your friendship. Sometimes it happens that your friend could resent your interference yet I understand that you just want to help. It is kind of like emotional blackmail as she doesn't want to alienate him because of the car. If he has a good job then I don't think he would skip town but she could sue him for the bail money and then if the relationship survives that then she could decide with to dump him or keep him.
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