What should I do?
By Ms Michelle
September 22, 2007 1:26pm CST
Well I have been with my husband for five years now and we have two kids together and one on the way. When we first started dating about a month later his daughter from another mother came to stay with us for good. Well, she was extremely jealous that he was moving on with his life and not stuck on her so she would say things like I don't want my baby around that b****. I can watch my own baby whenever I'm off work. So I just let it go because it would be much too childish of me to respond to such jealousy. So at first I'd say at least six months she was seeing her daughter regularly and then it seemed that as soon as I had my baby she didn't see her anymore. My husband would call her because her daughter would say Daddy can u call momma. He would literally have to beg her to watch her own child. Now it has been at least 2 years straight since she has seen her daughter. She makes up excuses as to why she doesn't see her. Everytime she sees one of my husbands family members she claims that he is keeping her baby away from her. The thing is she knows the phone number, where the house is in which she has passed by plenty of times, as well as where most of his family members stay or their phone numbers. What is the excuse? Honestly, I have come to the conclusion that she doesn't care about her child. What should I say to her daughter? She constantly says things about her mom such as Why doesn't she ever call her or Why doesn't she ever come by and see her. I know you are thinking well just take her to see her mom. This is the real sad thing about the whole situation she doesn't want her to know where she lives. She cussed out her own momma for telling her before when she had first moved. So from then on my husband doesn't try to chase behind her. What should we do in order to help the child to understand the situation? Is there anything that can be done to help this mother to develop a relationship with her daughter (who is eight years old by the way) before it is too late? Should we put her on child support? I ask this because since she has been living with us she has never gave her one penny to help with anything. She feels as though it is wrong of my husband to ask for support of her child. Please help me in this situation so that I may be able to comfort this child in her time of need.
22 Sep 07
Obviously, the mother doesn't seem to really care about the child. She is just using the child to make her jealousy apparent or to put you and your partner in a bad light. Is it possible that you can adopt the child and raise her as one of your children (which she already is anyways)? If that can be done, then you can explain to her that her mother is busy with some work and will not be able to meet her often. So, you would be her mommy for her. A person who doesn't make the time to see her child is not going to bothered about child support. So, there's no point expecting it from her.
23 Sep 07
When I first started reading this post I expected it to say that the mother has some sort of issue like drinking or whatnot but obviosuly that doesnt seem to be the case here. It may be though that the mother has become so used to not having her daughter around her, that she feels like she doesnt know how to be one any more and rather than seek help for that, takes out the frustration the only way she feels she can, by badmouthing you and your husband. I get the feeling it would probably be pointless in trying to talk to her yourself but maybe you could ask one of her family members to do it instead? I dont say it to try and take the blame off her or anything like that because obviously she is, but it may be one of the reasons thats shes causing such a fuss. As to the 8 year olds questions about her mother. Don't try to fob her off, believe me shes old enough to know when us grown ups are lying through our back teeth but equally, dont tell her everything flat out or she may end up suffering from depression. Just tell her something along the lines of her mother is having some problems in her life and she needs to deal with those problems before she can do anything else and possibly give her an example from her own life so that she can relate in her own way. Believe me when i say im speaking from experience here, I know how hard it can be when you find that someone else has just left their child with you and randomly contacts here and there and what have you. The confusion for the kids is the killer more than anything else and there will be times when the 8 year old will vent at you for no apparent reason and call you every name under the sun. As long as you grin and bear it and dont take it to heart, you will be absolutely fine. As to child support? you should absolutely go for it! the mother hasnt given you a penny yet expects you to do everything for the child that she should be doing so i would take her for every penny you are entitled to! If you want to talk more, feel free to PM me and ill help you out any way I can.
• United States
25 Sep 07
Thanks for all that you have said and I understand where u are coming from as far as looking at both sides rather than being judgemental. I will try to talk to my stepdaughter and help her to understand what is going on because she is getting way to old for this kind of stuff and she deserves an explanation.