My Son and School
By hgosinski
@hgosinski (153)
United States
September 25, 2007 8:40am CST
My son is ten, and in the fifth grade. He has always had problems in school, with everything. He is a smart kid, but I started him too early in kindergarten, (his b day is in the beginning of August, so it could have went either way, but I needed to work, so I enrolled him) Anyway. In the third grade, the teacher retained him...the thing is, the following year, he ended up in the forth grade anyway, (the teacher did not show up to the meeting is what I was told.) Well, he struggled through forth grade, failing almost everything. The forth grade teacher said he was going to hold him back. Then on the last day of school, changes his mind! I took my son out of that school, and put him into a charter school. He was placed into the fifth grade, and school started three weeks ago, and he has failed EVERYTHING. The teacher and I were talking, and she set up a meeting with the principal. We are going to try to put him back a grade, into the forth grade. We all think this would be best, because if he stays in the fifth grade this year, he is not going to learn anything, and will still fail, only to be in the fifth grade next year, having the same knowledge, or lack there of. He needs to go back, and learn the forth grade stuff first. The report card for third grade was in his file, and clearly says that he was retained, and the principal said that this is the ammo we need to get him taken back to the forth. I am crossing my fingers that this can be done. He has struggled too long, and something should have been done a long time ago. I can't believe two years in a row at his old school they did this to him. They were also very rude to me, and told me that it was not my decision, it was up to the teacher, (I just found out that had I gone to the school board with this, they would have helped me...) I was just wondering what everyone's thoughts were on this. I have talked to my son, and he agrees that he needs to go back to forth grade. The only thing he is concerned about, is how it's going to look, three weeks into school, getting put back a grade. I told him just to tell his friends that the old school made a mistake, and he was supposed to be in the forth grade from the get go. (which isn't very far from the truth). He doesn't know that this isn't entirely true either, so it's not like he is knowingly telling a lie...but that's a whole nother subject. I am just trying to save him a little 'embarrassment', (as he says. ) What would you do, or what do you think moms???
4 responses
@chickangel (161)
• United States
25 Sep 07
Sound like the right thing to do having him repeat 4th grade, but he was also suppose to repeat the 3rd grade. so he migh still have a little bit of a hard time in it.
I would suggest to get some learning computer games that helps in 3rd-5th grades, he can do these after his home work they make learning fun. My daughter liked them.
@hgosinski (153)
• United States
25 Sep 07
I know, he's so far behind. I have a lot of learning workbooks here, and computer games is a great idea. I am going to try to get him to do a little every night. He usually has a ton of homework though, and after doing work in school all day, then coming home and doing homework for two hours, I just really want to allow him some time to do things he wants to do, and since school is so hard for him, doing more work isn't going to be something he's going to want to do! But computer games may defiantly work Thanks for the suggestion!
@chickangel (161)
• United States
26 Sep 07
No problem, I know kids get bored with school work..Thats why I am glad they have games that can help kids learn and have fun doing it..Hope things work out.
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
26 Sep 07
You have to hold him back. Do it now, he will learn, get better grades and gain confidence. Your son can not enjoy school now.
You must start being pro-active as a Mom, I made my son's school keep him back in 4th grade, I had to go before a school board, I threatened them with psychological testing - that they would ultimately pay for and I brought a lawyer.
Stop waiting for the teachers to help your child, they only have your son for one short year, he is yours for life.
Sorry if I sound cold, mean or nasty - my son had so many problems in school that I get angered easily when the topic comes up and parents must learn that the schools don't really care.
@hgosinski (153)
• United States
27 Sep 07
You don;t sound mean...I know what your saying! I did end up getting him oput back a grade, I am going to wroite a little article about it. Thanks for your comment!
@emarie (5442)
• United States
25 Sep 07
It depends what he's having problems with. I really don't think its the starting him early that is the problem. Talk to your son. When I was slightly younger then he was, about 3rd grade, I struggled a lot during class in both English and mostly math. They had me tested for several things including ADD. The thing they found out was I had a different learning method and I was also slightly dyslexic, which is why I had problems in math. I struggled with my for most of my school life until 8th where they had a new, experimental math program which was based on 'visual' learning then book knowledge. I continued in that math program from 8th grade till graduation and when from Failing my 7th grade math class to getting a B the following year, which is a major improvement.
Learning skills like that should be discussed. Different children learn in different ways. Its like telling a child 1 + 1 = 2. some will get it, some might struggle...but when you visually show you that, then it begins to make sense.
I wouldn't want my child to stay back, but first address the problem he IS having in school. If he's having a hard time understanding the work, then it may be that he needs to learn in a different way. I suggest you talk to him and look into those type of otpions. They also have after school tutoring services like Kumon and the Sylvan learning center....I'm not sure if there are any in your area, but they are there to help and give extra attention to those students who do have a hard time learning the work. If he's a smart boy like you say he is. There's probably something else which is causing him to get low grades. Again, the best thing to do is to talk to him, may ask the school if there are learning and visual tests he can take. When I received all of these testings, I was very small and didn't even know what was going on. I figured out later when I was older that I was having major problems in school. I knew I was doing bad and just didn't want to do the work, when in reality I didn't understand it. I didn't get help back, but my teachers suggested these type of tests to see what the problem was. I did have to work harder then others get overage grades, but thats a part of life.
I wish you well, and you just need to do whats best for your child.
@hgosinski (153)
• United States
26 Sep 07
Thanks for your comment! He has had every kind of test imaginable, and they told me that he does not have anything wrong with him...no dyslexia, no add, nothing like that. H is in speech, and was in occupational therapy for two years, because they said he had weak muscles, but other then that, he's been to tutors, special classes, everything had been tried, and still he struggles. Holding him back is the absolute last thing that we can think of to try.
@kitty1234 (1476)
• United States
25 Sep 07
I am not a mom, I am a 1st grade teacher. It is a difficult decision to keep children back and no it is not only the teacher who decides! There is a whole team that must sign off on the retaining of a student and there are many factors involved. To me the first being self esteem, socializaton, age factors, size factors. Have you considered a tutor for him, he may work better in a one on one situation. Some kids do not grasp the concept with so much going on in the classroom. I just want you to know Mom, we do try!
@hgosinski (153)
• United States
25 Sep 07
Oh I know you try, and I am very thankful for teachers! You guys are the best! You said size factor...is that why I have heard the comment, 'and he's so big for his age', when discussing holding him back? He is 4'11 and 130 pounds at the moment, and has always been a lot bigger then everyone in his classes very year, but he is also the youngest in his class too. I understand that he's already big, and holding him back a year might make him look a lot older then the kids in the class, but I don't want him to big and dumb as well! I was just a little upset with the last two teachers, because they had both met with me, and discussed it, and I thought we had all agreed that he was to be held back, (it's even on his third grade report card), and then for them to decide on there own not to mention it at the meeting, I just thought that before they took that decision into there own hands, they should have run it past me first. I say this because the third grade teacher that had retained him, (the time it was on his report card,) went to the meeting they have to go to when holding a child back, and she did not mention him at that meeting at all. She had held two other children in the class back. I just found it odd. And the fact that he struggled so much, and still is, makes me wonder why they decided to let him go on...anyway, thanks for your comment!
