A case of the ex
By sharone74
@sharone74 (4837)
United States
September 26, 2007 11:43am CST
I am one of those women who just can't help asking questions and investigating a man's worthiness. One thing that I always make it a point to ask is "With your ex, do you know why it didn't work out? And to whom do you attribute the blame for ruining your relationship?" Mind you the answers can sometimes shock you so if you are not the type who is already confident in your relationship you probably should not ask. This is because when you ask you open the door for him to discuss his ex with you and often that Pandora's box cannot be closed once it is opened. My current boyfriend was with his ex wife for a total of 36 years, never cheated, and was a good father to his only child. So I just had to know after that long, how come it ended? The answers that he had given to the questions were hitherto unacceptable because he wouldn't say why something that was previously not broken changed and eventually broke. When I point out things from a woman's point of view however, I am shocked that he still defends her. Especially with the topic being basically "How did the ex do you wrong."
The reason I ask about things like that is not because I care how the relationship was, they're not in it and there is always a justifiable reason for that. I ask because I want to guage how perceptive they are when it comes to their relationships, and are they willing and able to accept their part in the death of their love affair. A person (be it a male or female) knows what happened in their previous relationships and beleive me after being together a long time, even if they claim not to know what happened, they have spent hours and days worth of minutes analyzing the data and coming to conclusions. There is no such thing as either "I don't know what happened" or "It was all the other person's doing", ifthey minimize their part in it to you you know that they will do the same when and if you break up. Either that or they are stupid. What do you think?
2 people like this
5 responses
@archer1811 (1098)
• Philippines
27 Sep 07
Its maybe because we are really not meant to each other, and God has set a side a right man for me that He will only give it to me in the right time. As what I have now my true love, better that my past relationship ended and didnt workout in a good way that now I landed on my right man. And I hope and pray that God continue to bless us and guide our relationship till our last breath. As we have promised to each other during our matrimony until now. Hope our love continue to glow and not be the of our ex's. For me Ex only refers to boyfriends and girlfriends.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
27 Sep 07
well, we are on the same plane of predicament, archer. for me, exes can be referred to boyfriends and girlfriends only. thus, when i realized that i married the wrong guy,it is such a sorry thing for me. anyway, i went on to sucy lenghts of sacrifices beyond measure for the sake of my children. my wrong marriage can only be attributed to my wrong decision. i had only myself to blame for this. my kids will have to be spared of the failures and the pain. thus, i have no other choice but to shoulder all the responsibilities that i can to see the family through.
i hope that you will indeed be happy in your current relationship and that the guy you have now is indeed your soulmate. i wish the best of everything for you.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
14 Mar 08
Most ppl will not admit when a break up was there fault regardless of whether it was or not. I also think that each relationship is unique to a certain degree. My Hubby was married for 17 years before we met. I know why his marriage ended...b/c he'd had enough of her being a bloomin' idiot. I've dealt with her so I know where the majority of blame lies in that one. I also know that my first husband swears our marriage ended b/c it was my fault...his reasoning was it was my fault b/c I wouldn't let him beat on me. So it's kind of a unique thing depending on the personalities of the ppl in the relationship.
It is good to find out why a previous relationship ended but for the most part, I think they tend to blame the other person whether it's true or not.
@trinidadvelasco (11401)
• Philippines
27 Sep 07
for me, it is really a matter of compatibility. no matter how much effort one pours into a relationship it may not work out if the partner does not do his/her share of the effort at making adjustments and sacrifices in order for the relationship to work. in all my relationships before which ended in break ups, there is only one reason why i quit: i have given up on my boyfriend because we are just not agreeing on so many issues about life. now, even if i was able to be objective on this matter while i was still a student, my failure came to the fore when i started working. i got so engrossed to my job such that, i failed to see that the last boyfriend i had had only himself to love and care for. what happened is, he became my husband and how regretful i am to this day that this has happened. now, i am sacrificing so much for the family so my kids will just be fine despite everything.
no matter how much we try at relationships, it is always a two thing. it will never work just fine if only one of the partners will shoulder all the responsibilities. relationships are called partnerships because there are supposedly the two of the partners working and helping out in order to make it work.
@whywiki (6066)
• Canada
26 Sep 07
I am a need to know person too. My hubby was married before me and I asked him why it broke up, who broke it off and who left. I also asked if he had any kids I didn't know about. He says I am nosy but I think we have a need for this kind of knowledge, I need to know if he was a bad breaker upper. He never asks about my past though. He just thinks the past is the past and no need bringing it up. Maybe it is a man thing. I find he is a bad gossiper too. He will tell me a story about a friend or co worker but he never gets all the details. I need details I tell him but no he is just a man and men will be men I guess.
@devilsangel (1817)
• United States
27 Sep 07
What does it matter what he did or didn't do in his last relationship? It was before you so why are you so concerned as to why it ended? Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it and you trying to force him to is just kinda stupid. Maybe him saying "I don't know" is his nice way of saying its none of your buisness, because frankly it isn't. No relationship is going to be the same to trying to compare how or what went wrong in one to another is stupid. I don't press the issue of ex's and I feel if my spouse wants to talk about an ex then he will if not then I don't really care to know what went on in his past relationships.
