Update 2 weeks today since I kicked out my husband!

@raydene (9874)
United States
September 27, 2007 9:31am CST
Ok I have seen a lawyer Gone for testing to be sure that sneaking,lying man didn't pass anything on to me! Had a long talk with him yesterday..Went like this: "Cy I would like to talk to you. My lawyer suggests that isf we work together it will be less costly for both of us." I then mentioned my lists of what would be dragged into court if he fights this and believe me it is much more the just the cheating! "Cy I would like you to make a list of what you would like to walk away from this marriage with. You can give it to one of the boys to give to me or you can drop it off at my lawyer's office." He then told me he wanted to keep his BMW conv..which made me see red cause it's his little chick magnet!And we argued for months about him wanting to buy it when we need repairs to our house(which still needs to be done)..I kept it cool.. I listened to what he wanted..told him wasn't gonna happen a couple of times..He wants the piece of property that is on the river..which is ok cause I want the house I am in with the horse pastures and barns. He wants his truck,BMW, and complete ownership of the business! All of the antiques must be addressed also.We have loads of them! What do you all think ..any thoughts..I'm wondering if I should let go of the business totally? hugs
5 people like this
23 responses
@weemam (13377)
27 Sep 07
I always say go with your gut instinct sweetheart , You have put as much if not more into this marriage so why should he benifit , I would ask your lawyer what he is intitled too , he will be able to tell you what you HAVE to give him, he is in the wrong here , I am not a vindictive person and I find it hard to get angry with someone , I am sorry but I would give him what he is entitled to by law and no more xxxx
3 people like this
@mimatexas (1835)
• United States
27 Sep 07
Raydene, I am praying for you and I really hope everything turns out favorable to you. I am sure it's hard to deal with your husband about the assets you have to split with him but God will guide you and I am sure you will settle with him accordingly. What kind of business is this? Do you think you can manage it yourself if you keep it? Is it profitable? Take everything into considertion and may God bless you and give you the direction you need!
• Canada
27 Sep 07
Hi Sweetie, That is good that you have sat down with him to have a talk about both of you want. I can understand you wanting to have it all seeing as he is the one who made the marriage fall apart not that we're pointing fingers or anything lol. I honestly think that the quicker and faster this whole ordeal can be done and over with the better. My advice would be if you don't really need/want the item then let it go as that is one less argument, but for things that you do really want/need fight for. I feel it is your right. Stay strong hun, and please keep us updated! Your Friend, PurpleTeddyBear ;)
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
27 Sep 07
This is just my opinion and believe me I'm anxious to give it to you straight up. hehehe. No this is not a laughing matter I'm sorry. Give up the business totally NOT A CHANCE Why do that. Give him his chick magnet as you call it, he thought that car was his end all be all, give it all to him now. You've already said there's more to this than the cheating and the rest is your personal business but don't walk away with nothing DON"T I did and I came out the looser and I wasn't the one that did the cheating. Give him his car and even the truck that's acceptable but you don't know what the future holds for you. You don't know when you'll need some money or how much you'll need. He needs to come good for his actions and if you're going to split the sheets do it but not all in his favor that to me makes no sense. He needs to pay support too. The antiques are just as much yours as his and please be careful with that too. I have known too many people getting taken to the cleaners when selling their antiques. You would be surprized what they maybe worth. Do your homework hun. Good for you that you're standing your ground, and you already know we don't know each other and this is just my opinion but I truly hate to see you take the loss, been there and done that. Take care my friend.
@violeta_va (4834)
• Australia
27 Sep 07
oh dear too many wants. Do you want to deal with him every day? If you dont that you cant have a part of the business. Just because you dont want him in your life does not mean you should let him take evrything. He made his bed let him sleep in it.
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12648)
• United States
27 Sep 07
Take his A$$ to the cleaners, it sounds like he deserves it. I believe that things should be fair, but sometimes when the guy acts like an A$$, they deserve to be taken to the cleaners. Good luck and I am so sorry this is happening to you. Its sad when a marriage breaks up.
1 person likes this
@Akeela (2079)
• Trinidad And Tobago
27 Sep 07
One thing you can do for yourself is to go for a makeover or pedicure or shopping something to take you mind off of things for a while.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Sep 07
OMG, I just read this discussion and I had to respond. Are you CRAZY??? You are going to give the lying, cheating JERK the chick magnetic ... please tell me you are aren't. He turned your world upside down and he deserves NOTHING, notta, the bottom of the barrel. Give him the truck and the land and KEEP, I repeat, KEEP EVERYTHING else, including the chick magnetic and make him pay for it. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT give him the entire business, you spent the last 13 years with this lying cheating JERK take half the business, you are ENTITLED, ask your attorney if you think I am wrong, but I did enough family law to know you are entitled, I don't care what state you live in, you are ENTITLED. Dear, he turned your life into a shambles don't let him ruin your opportunity for a comfortable living. Take, take, take and when you are done hopefully he will have nothing, then he can go on with his mistress and his life, without YOU in it.
1 person likes this
• India
27 Sep 07
I think if you really want to be free of your husband and do it with the least pain, the best way is to get it over quickly and without too much wrangling over possessions. Decide what is essential for you and let him take whatever else he wants - only ask him to get out of your life fast! This way you will recover very much quicker and pick up the threads of your life again. Later on you will also feel less bitter. After all, physical possessions are all temporary. What lasts is a good relationship. What lasts is really in the mind and heart of a person. Physical possessions can be bought again. But relationships cannot be bought. Peace of mind cannot be bought. It is an attitude that needs to be developed.
1 person likes this
@CEN7777 (858)
• India
27 Sep 07
HI RAYDENE, It is good that you are talking to him, so that you can have legal seperation without waisting time and money.You have also given list of topics on which he have to reply in court and also ask him to give his list what he needs, so that seperation will be soft and easy.Here what i think that heshould not be given everything which he wanted keep some ofthing under your control such as ownership of bussiness,a house in good and safe locality and some of the useful vehicle which you can manage.Be clever enough and should let him to keep evrything just at the cost of seperation. Keep in mind its he who cheated you and you are innocent.
1 person likes this
@bizmom (515)
• United States
27 Sep 07
WOW so sorry this is happening to u - BEEN there did that we didnt have any property but its all the same - :( What my lawyer and friends told me is a good thing to think about before jumping to it ok? --- if u can DO WITHOUT IT and DONT REALLY want/need it then Let him have it! IF ur doing it ( taking it fighting for it) JUST to get at him or *make him pay* then let it go!! its NOT WORTH IT! things have a way of coming back *wink* if u know what i mean!? lol Its not about who has what its about Breaking away clean and moving on - which u will weather u know it/feel it now or not :) xx If U feel u can do something else and DONT need the business and ( REALLY ssk urself did u want to REALY do it? or just because HE DID?) then if u can move on not regretting leaving it then let it go!! Ull feel so much better and UNLOADED as well ( whichever u choose) the Less BS on the kids the better! they DO feel it even if they dont show it! :( My hubby & I had a house but it was still in my parents name ( which hence wasnt ours to split) when i kicked his a** out so i told them they could give it to him! i didnt want it!!-- i wanted MY OWN place to start over with my girls - and i did just that! I walked away from it all! and NEVER looked back!! IT felt great!! *besides with u being so WILLING to let things go being calm and collected and NOT fighting with him will REALLY throw him for a loop!! LOL and u get the last laugh -- even if it is inside! :) XX GOOD LUCK!! :) XX
@MsTickle (25051)
• Australia
28 Sep 07
You want it to be as equitable as possible. Are you getting a car? He has a truck and the convertable. What sort of business is it? Is it valuable? I'd say if he wants total ownership of the business, you get to keep all the antiques so you can sell them or whatever. You have to be able to maintain the house and support yourself too.
@MsTickle (25051)
• Australia
28 Sep 07
He shouldn't be getting away with what he's done either. I don't agree with taking him to the cleaners, that's just vindictive and nasty and it shows greed too.
@Wiiguy (93)
• United States
30 Oct 07
Remember R. Its all about you now. You need to focused on what you think is right. If you feel you need to share it with Cy, then by all means do so, but remember, its all about you Raydene and what makes you happy. :)
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
30 Oct 07
Being a woman who has been cheated on in the past, my first instinct would be to take him for everything he's got and worth. Being the Christian I am though, leads me to tell you differently. You need to think about sharing the business with him and having to deal with him all the time. If you don't think you can handle that, then maybe you should just give it to him or take it completely away from him. I think it would be to hard on you to try and run the business with him still in the picture. About the BMW...it will only be a chick magnet for so long. Before to long, the "chicks" as he calls it will catch on to what he's doing and then he will only be left with the car and no chick to sit beside him. I wouldn't think to much on it, but I would make sure I had the better vehicle considering you will have the children. It is a very tough situation you are in and I'm so sorry that you are having to go through it. I know how you feel and I know how hurt you are. Just think things through...I know our first reactions are to lash out and try to hurt back, but in the end sometimes we end up hurting ourselves more. I'll keep you in my prayers and I certainly hope that thigns turn out for the best. Keep us posted. God bless!
@gabs8513 (48712)
• United Kingdom
4 Oct 07
No I do not think you should let go of all the Business no chance why should he get away that lightly It is your security As far as I can see he is asking for far to much so do not go for it Love you xxxx
@academic2 (7009)
• Uganda
28 Sep 07
Sorry but it must be a fair share if must part-it seems to me you are getting a real raw deal, he neednt take all in your marrital home, you should be part of the business too, and i feel he leave the BMW to you why not!
@dpurchas (91)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Ok - I finally have to weigh in on this. I have been watching your discussions and I feel really bad for you going thru this. I can't imagine having to live with knowing this was going on for so long. I am on both sides of this fence too. Part of me agrees with the comments to take him to the cleaners, but the other half of me says that if you just really want to start fresh, to dig deep and figure out what you can live with and without. Plus, I don't know where you live, but you should check with your Lawyer. There are some states that if there is a lot of contesting of property that will rule to split everything down the middle. I have heard of rulings where the divorcing couple were made to sell everything and split the money from sales 50/50. I'd check to see if that kind of ruling could be possible where you are. I don't like the idea of him getting away with that car either, but if you don't want to rock the boat, you might be better off just to let it go. That's tough! Good luck with everything. And by the way, for having to deal with something like this, I want to say you are keeping a really great attitude. Your notes on here have been pretty positive all considering...
@marciascott (25553)
• United States
28 Sep 07
Wow, Raydene I didn't know you were going through a divorce. I hope things take out good for you, as far as the Bussieness maybe you all should sale it, and just split the money, It is better that way. 50/50 Good Luck.
• China
28 Sep 07
You and your husband's idea of consumption is different.A couple of my workmates are similar with u ,and they divorced at the end. I think it can't say who is right who is wrong, enverybody want to have a happy life,but everybody have different thing to satisfied himself/herself,so I think the only way you can try is try to make your darling happy ,than you happy too,if you do love him.On the contrary,he will feel happy when you are happy,it will be a virtuous circle.Hope you smile everyday!
@terrych (1227)
• United States
28 Sep 07
I do not have much experience about this kind of stuff, but you have to see and get at least half of everything... You builded together you deserved at least half, and since you are going to be with the kids, more then half... I am sure your lawyer will have a better idea... Maybe for now it is not about money, but this is the time to get back all the good years you give to him!