alcohol

Canada
September 28, 2007 5:57pm CST
ok so i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now, we are engaged but there is one problem....hes a binge drinker! he has been struggling with alcohol problems since the beginning. I have tried everything in my power to help him to try to see wat he is doing to himself and our relationship. Things will go good for awhile then its back to the same crap all over again. he will just disappear after work and binge all night miss work the next day and cost us lost of money. Of course when he gets home hes all sad and mad at himself for doing it but he still wont stop, he says he wants to and tells me that he will but i never see it happen. Am i stupid for thinking that it will work out?? what should i do? a part of me wants to leave so i dont get hurt anymore but i also dont want to see him destroy his life, other than the alcohol problem he is actually a very sweet person. im so confused!!!!!
3 people like this
4 responses
@fineartist (1217)
• United States
28 Sep 07
It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation. It seems as though your boyfriend is in need of professional counseling. I don't think there is anything you can do to make him stop drinking, except perhaps if you gave him an ultimatum. Could you tell him that you are considering ending the relationship if he doesn't do anything to help himself?
3 people like this
• Philippines
29 Sep 07
alcoholism - why marry an alcoholic?
I agree. If I were you I would put my foot down. Promises are no longer enough. He needs to take serious, concrete steps towards eliminating this wasteful and potentially disastrous habit of his. I mean, why marry a guy like that? But if he does change, well and good.
1 person likes this
@smileonstar (4012)
• United States
28 Sep 07
wow!!! it is hard to say. Can you take him to see the doctor? they might give him some medicine that could help him stop. Have you ever try to go away from him for awhile or show him something that you are going to leave him if he doesn't stop. One of my friend's boyfriend was like that before but he doesn't stop completely. He just drink less than before. I have no idea how she did that but I heard a lot of fighting between them tho. why dont you try to talk to him nicely and asked him to promise you about this, if he breaks him promise then you should follow your rules. I wish you all the best
3 people like this
@ajithlal (14614)
• India
15 Apr 09
I also think you should ask him to see a doctor and they might be able to help.
@bdugas (3581)
• United States
17 Feb 09
Honey listen up, what you see generally is what you get, he has to want to change, not you wanting him to change. I got a man 16 years ago, that all I heard out of him is IF I had a good woman, don't cheat on me and show me they love me, I wouldn't drink another drop. We 16 years has gone by and I have stuck by him when he got hurt on the job, and we lost everything we owned before he got disability, I have never cheated on him, but he is still drinking and will never change. I told him it is either me or the booze, he told me to pack. I did, I moved a 1000 miles away,after he got tired of coming home to an empty house he started with the calls and his promise to never drink again. It took me 24 hours to get home to find him drunk. It will never change, their will always be an excuse as to why they did it, mine it was never his fault always some one did something to him to drive him to it again. Like I said mabe oe day he will wake up and see what he is doing, but as I see it, what you see is what you get. So you are the one that has to make the decission is this the type of life you want. Is this thelif you want to bring children into the world to live in this situation. Only you can decide. But don't you think you are a better person than to have to endure this in your relationship, he uses you as a crutch, a place to go when his binge is over. I know how it is to love them but we are called enablers, we allow it oto happen over and over again. It is up to you but I would sure think about what this kind of relationship would be like if you married and had kids and he went on these binges, not to mention the money he would spend on the booze and the days pay lost when you are trying to pay rent or house payments or raise a family. But then you could get a job and make up for the money he blows on drinking and that makes it easier for him to continue what he is doing. Honey please stop and think about what is going on and look at down the road, cause it will only get worse.
2 people like this
• India
29 Sep 07
I think a mechanical solution is not what u need here like taking to a doctor an curing it,you say you have been with him for years ,s o you know him better than anyone and if he loves you truly he would have to leave the habit.you tell him you HATE him smoking and take a resolution you wont talk to him till he quits the habit, i bet either he would leave the habit or agree to consult a doctor