Letting go and moving on.......all is history

I think you're still hooked on the excitement of the "what might have been". You look at him and wonder where it could have led if you two could have known each other back then. He's exciting to you because you never got to know him. And now that you are a little bit you wonder even more if it could have worked out between the two of you. I think with time and serious reasoning with yourself you'll be fine. Just look at what you have now and what he has now. If you're happy in your current relationship just think of that every time you start to get excited that he's online, ect.

You have to try really hard to dispell all thoughts of this man at once, or you might get into a situation you cannot escape. Let it all go before you hurt yourself and maybe ruin other lives. You can do this if you love your boyfriend, and are strong willed, as I believe you are.

Hes marries get over it. just stop chatting it will go away sooner that way.

Perhaps I am a bit emotional today, and hence I respond. I see nothing wrong with having the little crush residing at the bottom of your heart. I understand you have been with your bf for 8 years (pardon me if my memory fails me) and I certainly hope that the crush is not the reason for your staying put as bf/gf relationship :P It is allright, Zelmarq. It doesn't mean that once he is married, you cannot be friends. Keep him as a friend, have faith and trust in yourself that you can maintain the friendship, especially since he is already married. You can certainly still move on with an extra friend :)

Hello! I've been in the same situation before, maybe until now. I met this guy but he was never my bf, we're only friends, it was like a 'more than friends but less than lovers' relationship. He's a very special person to me, we're still friends, still communicating and from time to time exchange emails. My hubby is like that as well with his ex gf's. And I don't think there's something wrong with that. It's one of those chapter in your life that you haven't put closure on. Keeping that communication alive doesn't mean you'll jump to bed with him. He was a part of your life and will always have that spot, eventhough you have a bf now that doesn't mean you can't be friends with him or him with you since he's married already. Moving on and letting go of something is one personal decision that only you can decide. If you love your bf then let it be it. Be friends with him and only that and don't compare your bf to him. What's best of all is you tell your bf about him -or not- depends on you. But at the end of the day it all comes down to one word -TRUST- you just have to trust yourself and your bf should trust you. Goodluck. Am sure you'll let go and move on...soon. *smile* ciao! c",)

Letting go is never easy. Everlasting is right about the man being your fantasy. Think of it this way: a fantasy's almost always better than reality. If for example you had a relationship with the guy, there were no guarantees that it could work out better for you than your present boyfriend. Just remember all the good things your present boyfriend brings into your life every day and remember that the other guy's but a fantasy.

well, i really think that you should try very hard to forget him... and you have to be honest to your bf and tell him about this library guy... otherwise, it will haunt you forever and it will be hard for you to move on... it is like an obsession to you... i will pray for you... hope you can get over this library guy soon... good luck and God Bless...

My experience is not going to help you. My advice might. But judging by my experience, the advice is easier said than done. The others are right that you must stop looking at his friendster page and stop emailing. It is hard to maintain a friendship with someone you have a crush on. It would be harmless and could lead somewhere if you weren't both already in committed relationships, but the fact is that you are and it doesn't look like that is going to change anytime soon. I know you are wondering what my experience is. I met a guy on the rebound from my first broken marriage. We went together for three months. I was too clingy and he dumped me. I still saw him around and still wanted to be with him, even though I started a relationship with another guy (a friend of his). I moved away, tried dating other guys but couldn't get him out of my mind though we had no contact whatsoever. Long story short, I guess he felt the same way because he contacted me after a year. We started our relationship a little slower this time and, well, we have been married 10 years now. So I honestly can say I understand how hard it is to move on. But I had no trouble moving on from my first husband, and HE left me. I did not end the marriage. But Mr. Charming came along and made me forget about him. So, is there something lacking in your current relationship that you find yourself fantasizing about another man? I am fully and completely in love with my husband and couldn't imagine myself with another man. No fantasizing here (does John Travolta count? LOL!) Seriously, there must be something lacking in your current relationship if you find yourself drawn to someone else. I hope you can work it out. You need to do some self-analyzing, maybe even go for counselling. At the very least, start writing about your feelings and analyze it all. Try to find out why you are fantasizing about one man when you are with another.

just cut off all the connections with him at present just think that hes happily married now and you must also forget him as well..although its not easy to do so but maybe as time goes on it will fade..try to be busy always ..

If you really want to let go and move on, you can get rid of such feeling. You have your boyfriend and that guy is married. Do you want to become his mistress? If you don't get rid of him out of your mind, you might probably become his no. 2 and do you like that? It's all up to you. I hope that you would do the right thing. Don't let your feeling towards him grow.

You can't let go because you don't want to. If you try to just concentrate on your boyfriend and stop entertaining thoughts about this married guy, I know you will be on the road to recovery.

Telling yourself to let go and move on is a lot easier than really disconnecting all the wires and bridges to your past but it's a start. We can never forget our past but we can learn from them. The fact that this boy or this man is already married is a clear sign that you should refrain yourself from unconsciously being still attracted to him; admittedly or not. I believe you'll be over this feeling in time. I know you're not a bad person but just imagine if you're his wife and someone else is interested with your husband; won't it pinch your heart too even if you're not the jealous type of person? I just hope and pray that you won't enter elicit relationships now or in the future. Don't forget that affairs or flings are never planned; but they do happen. Good luck and God bless.

Hi Zelmarq. Well, basically love is a type of feeling that you can't get rid of in an easy way. There is a saying that "you just need a second to fall in love and you will use your whole life to forget". (Sorry, I am being out of topic.) Alright, back to the point, I feel it's ok for your situation. Since you are posting discussion here, I guess you know the limit you what you should do and shouldn't, right? (That's why you are trying to get rid of the feeling) You will realise how different between virtual and reality in long run. I mean when you are sick, you are sad, the one that will hug you and stay by your side will be your boyfriend. The rational will even tell you, the library guy has already married, you won't do anything more than a friendship, aren't you? To tell the truth, I feel it's not wrong to fall in love, it's just that you need to know what should and shouldn't be done, then everything will be just fine. So, I don't really have any suggestion for you to get rid of the feeling as I said I don't really feel it's wrong to fall in love but please do thing that is correct. Try to get steady for the feeling for your boyfriend, be faithful in every relationship. Wish you all the best!

Maybe you should fall in love with one boy who is humor!