Picked on by a teacher

@SViswan (12065)
India
October 5, 2007 2:14am CST
Now, my 7 year old son has been having problems with one of his teachers. She is new to the school and was his class teacher at the beginning of the year. She's been pretty rude to him. The earlier sarcastic comments were ignored because we felt he has to learn to cope with all kinds of situations and also because he didn't really understand what she said (though he knew it wasn't nice and we understood what she said). A couple of similar comments (of which we kept the co-ordinator for primary school informed) and we decided this was too much and asked for him to be shifted to the other section. Don't get me wrong here. I understand the problems of teachers and try not to create problems in school. I've always been at the school helping to better the school. And the co-ordinator knows this and she moves my son to the next class. Things were better (though this teacher teaches them English). Last week, she was correcting their books in class and was calling out the names of the children. My son hear his first name with another girl's last name being called out. So, he asks her 'Maam, did you mean so and so because my name is ___'.She says 'Why are you arguing? ASK YOUR MOTHER TO TEACH YOU SOME MANNERS'. He was quite upset with that comment. I'm upset too. Is that how a teacher talks to a child? In my opinion, if my son was really ill-mannered (maybe he is at school...I'm willing to consider that even though other teachers and parents have told me that he is a well-behaved boy), I feel the teacher should have tried to correct him and informed me so that we could work things out together. I'm sure going to bring this up at the next parent-teacher meeting. What do you think? Am I right? Or should I ignore it?
6 people like this
22 responses
@ellie26 (4133)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 07
Hi SViswan, personally I think, teachers should be a role model to student and should have enormous patient. They should be able to tackle any problems concerning students tactfully without being offensive. In your son case, it is obvious that the teacher have no patient and immature in dealing with the situation. I think you should bring this matter up at the next parent-teacher meeting.
2 people like this
@SViswan (12065)
• India
6 Oct 07
Thanks. I did bring it up but she had her own excuses. I couldn't meet the principal (she wasn't in) but spoke to the co-ordinator again and fixed an appointment to meet the principal. The teacher is picking on my son. She feels he's too smart and kids should be seen and not heard!
@secretbear (19460)
• Philippines
5 Oct 07
of course you're right. its your mother's instinct that's reacting. any mother who feels that their child is being treated badly has the right to make actions to protect her child. that teacher is probably the one not taught with manners by her parents. she probably doesnt know how to treat kids. if i were in your position i'd report him to her superiors. and yeah, bring it up to the parent-teacher meeting. she should be told about it. kids are very sensitive while growing up. anything told to them are carried by them unconsciously when they grow up. basically all that's done and said to a kid affects his/her growth mentally and emotionally. she should know that.
2 people like this
@SViswan (12065)
• India
5 Oct 07
Thank you for understanding. The primary school co-rdinator is aware of the situation and I will be bringing it to the notice of the principal next.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22920)
• United States
5 Oct 07
I would be seriously ticked off and upset as well and would DEFINATELY do something about it....but I wouldnt wait until the Parent-Teacher meeting, I personally would SET UP a special meeting with the teacher AND principal or V.P as well..Sit down with BOTH of them at the same time and voice your concerns....IMO and in my experience (I've gone through this as well with the occasional teacher and my kids) if you talk to JUST the teacher, you'll get nowhere and chances of the teacher telling the principal are slim to none...IMO you WANT the principal to know about this!!
2 people like this
@SViswan (12065)
• India
5 Oct 07
I haven't gone to the principla yet. But the primary school co-ordinator is aware of the issue. Now I think it is time to take it to the principal. Thank you.
1 person likes this
• Australia
5 Oct 07
First, I'd speak to the teacher. He was not rude so she definately had no right to speak to him like that. If you still don't feel satisfied after talking to her, go to the principal. A few years back my eldest had a teacher who seemed to target my daughter (Jess) for some reason. For instance, when the kids in the class finished their work, they usually took out a book to read; one day Jess got a book out & this teacher got up her & took the book away - even though others were reading! Another day she ripped it up Jess for playing with a dirty tissue - if she had taken the time to ask Jess what she was doing, Jess would have told her she was wrapping a tooth that had come out. There were more instances of this teacher picking on Jess so I spoke to her. After going through each situation were Jess had copped an earful from her, I told this teacher that I felt Jess was being picked on & that I hoped it stopped otherwise I would take it further. The teacher was a lot nicer to Jess after that! Never let a teacher get away with such behaviour. Never be afraid of confronting the teacher. Too many teachers get away with things like this because parents don't confront them. Teachers tell children to show them respect - well, a lot of teachers need to remember that respect works both ways.
2 people like this
@SViswan (12065)
• India
5 Oct 07
I have confronted the teacher earlier (but I must say I sugar coated it because I wanted to know her version of things).The co-ordinator has spoken to the teacher on 2 occassions earlier and told her that she didn't handle the situation well. Now, I feel it should be taken to the next level because after the confrontations, she seems to be picking on my son a lot more. He is able to distinguish between the corrections and the picking. Yesterday he said 'Mama, I don't mind when she corrects me when I make mistakes. But when she makes some kind of comments (he meant sarcasm but didn't know the word), I feel really bad because that's not how she treats the other kids.' I've always appreciated teachers who do a good job and make sure I thank them for their efforts.
1 person likes this
@summer218 (197)
• United States
5 Oct 07
hi, I think you are definitely right. I've noticed more and more teachers take their personal problems into the classroom. The level of professionalism has gone down dramatically. Partly, because we live in a more stressful world, and partly because we are so in need of teachers, things may be overlooked. My sister is a teacher, so I am not trying to bash teachers. I feel as though, you should have a serious talk with his teacher, but you should request the principal to sit in. The principal should be made aware of the situation in a way that there is no dispute as to what was said. Sometimes, we hope kids will bounce back from these events in life, but I'm sure you know, the effects could be long-lasting. For your child's sake, as well as your sanity, do it as soon as possible. I wish you and your son the best of luck. :)
2 people like this
@SViswan (12065)
• India
5 Oct 07
Thanks. I was a teacher too. so, I do know the problems that teachers face having to cope with a group of children. But this was something that I feel is unacceptable. The last time we spoke to the co-ordinator, she asked us to talk to the teacher in her presence. But we weren't in a postive frame of mind then and felt it was better for the co-ordinator to handle the situation. But the next time I go, I will surely have a talk with the co-ordinator and the teacher present.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18297)
5 Oct 07
You should never ignore bullying, it can devastate the lives of those subject to it. School teachers, particularly infant and junior schopol teachers are the worst bullies in the school system and are hardly ever challenged. When mjy eldest daughter, who has a moderate learning difficulty, was bullied by her junior school teacher, we were faced with a blancket denile from her head teacher, followed by a statement that my daughter's behaviou had recently changed and this had to be a result of a recent trauma at homde because nothing wrong had happened at school. Well, my seven-year old daughter, with a learning disability had been taught to ask the school teacher when she needed the toilet. My daugfhter was told that if she went to the toilet in school time she had to stay in school during her play time to make up time. My daughter became afraid to ask to go and eventually urinated in class. From that point onwards she was regularly told by her teacher that she smelled and eventually was told to remind her parents that she needs a wash regularly. Not only was my daughter deeply hurt my husband and I were insulted. After a meeting with the school, when they first denied any thing had happened at all, but then decided to defend the teacher by saying it was the childs fault for needing the toilet, we decided to move both our children to another school. Funny, the bullying has stopped and niether of my daughters wet the bed. Never ignore it, there are still bad teacheras working in our schools and it is the parents job to ensure they are kept away from children blessed be
2 people like this
@SViswan (12065)
• India
5 Oct 07
I'm glad you moved both your children. I'm of the same opinion that it is our duty to make sure that such teachers are kept away from the school. The last time we spoke to the co-ordinator, we said we would pull our son out from school if she found it a problem to change his class. But she's known our son since he was in kindergarten and has a high opinion of him. He's a very open child and speaks freely with all the teachers. He loved going to school and enjoyed participating in everything till this teacher came along and passes rude comments. That didn't deter him from participating...but it did bring down his enthusiasm. My husband kept insisting on firing the teacher but I kept saying 'Maybe she made a mistake and will learn from it...let's give her another chance'. Now, I feel my husband was right and I shouldn't have let it get this far. Thank you so much for responding and really happy to know that your child's problem was solved:) Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@sbeauty (5869)
• United States
5 Oct 07
The first six weeks -- two months of a new school year are the most stressful for both teacher and students. It takes awhile for the teacher to get an understanding for the students, and it takes the students awhile to adjust to the rules of a new classroom. Most teachers tend to be much "meaner" during this period hoping to get control over the class. That is an extremely hard job. If I were you I'd wait awhile and see if things improve. If not, call the teacher and request a meeting. You don't have to wait for her to call you.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Oct 07
Hi Sbeauty, Im sorry but I disagree with you here. There may be some tension, but we all know that you cant scare anyone into listening to you. If anything that causes them to withdrawl and doesnt allow them to trust. Im an adult and I dont listen to well when someone is trying to be overbearing and rude with me. I can only imagine how scared or intimidated her son might be. What is he going to learn because he is scared of his teacher? Negative actions get negative reactions! There is no excuse for that kind of behavior in a classroom regardless of what "time" it is in the school year. This should have been taught her during her Psychology course. The old saying "you can catch more bees with honey" certainly rings true. Bay xx
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Oct 07
Just wanted to add, that I did agree with you saying she should not wait for a meeting to be called by the school or teacher, your right, she can call for one herself. I think that is a good idea. Bay xx
@SViswan (12065)
• India
6 Oct 07
I've already talked to her twice. And that's the first thing I told her - about setting ground rules so that kids understand what she expects of them (she hadn't done it and she doesn't intend to do it).
@infoguy (210)
• India
6 Oct 07
U should surely bring this up in the next parents meetings.We send our children to school with a hope that they would learn things as well as teachers would take care of them...This present situation with your kid may worsen day by day and it would be mental pressure to the child...Do find a solution at the meeting for this..
@SViswan (12065)
• India
7 Oct 07
Thank you. This has been affecting my son and I've brought it up already. I've also fixed an appointment with the principal. I've also got information that a couple of other parents have complained against the same teacher.
• China
6 Oct 07
that is a bad thing.i think you are right.to kid,have a good time is very important in school.if he feel that is a good thing in school,mybe he will work hard in study,or ,he was hurt by teacher,my he will give up in studing.you should talk with teacher,or shift your baby to other class. my somebody such as teacher don't take good care of our baby,but,ourself muse do.we must answer for our kid.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12065)
• India
7 Oct 07
We did shift his class but this same teacher takes English class. So, he's not totally out from her influence and she didn't like the fact that a few of the students from her class (including my son) were shifted to the other class.
• Canada
5 Oct 07
You should NOT ignore it. Teachers should be a nice, polite and good role model, not a mean bully. Stuff like this is what would poison and well mannered child in his young ages. You should first talk to your son and get all the facts straight and then if it continues tell the principle and if she still is rude go to higher authorities. I cannot see how any student will learn in a classroom where a teacher is that rude.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12065)
• India
7 Oct 07
Thank you. My son is a confident boy. He doesn't really need to be encouraged. But he does feel very bad when he is discouraged and it affects him negatively. The is particular class is not one of his favourites and I've seen that his work in this particular class is coming down (not enough for others to notice but I know he is more capable and so does his present class teacher).
• Nigeria
5 Oct 07
The question i will like to ask you is, have you confirmed from his class mates in a logical way. Yes you believe in your son but confirem from his classmates before going forword to present it in the meeting. If your son is right then my hands are up for you to go on. Wish him all the best.
@SViswan (12065)
• India
7 Oct 07
Other kids might not be able to guage the situation well (they are after all 7 year olds). But I did ask his present class teacher if he has been rude or misbehaved in anyway with the other adults in school. Her reply was that he was one of the most well-behaved in class and that she would stick up for him anywhere. He has always voiced his opinion with respect and has never been rude to ANYONE in the school (she knows him the past 3 years).
• United States
5 Oct 07
Regardless whether the child behaves differently at home or not, and no matter where the teacher stands right or wrong, I definitely thing you should not ignore it. I would also get it out in the open at the conference so the issue can be nipped in the bud before it escalates. If necessary, you could talk to the principal if you don't get anywhere with the teacher.
@SViswan (12065)
• India
7 Oct 07
Thanks. I've fixed up an appointment with the principal:)
• Finland
5 Oct 07
Very rude thing. Why do they got that kind of 1st class teachers? They should be nice to kid. Ans yes, youre really right. You shouldnt ignore that, what she makes to your kid, taking it up at next meetings was very good idea, keep that up. Your kid dont have to get bad feelings, because of teacher. Does she do that to other kids also? If so, thats very rude. Hrr!
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12065)
• India
7 Oct 07
I'm not sure if she does it to other children. But some of the parents do think that she has an attitude. According to my son, she picks on him a lot more than she does the rest of the kids.
@RivahGal (34)
• United States
5 Oct 07
It sounds as if this teacher isn't being professional. Being a bully - using sarcasm, put downs, etc. is a form of bullying known as relational aggression - is a sure way of making kids feel bad about themselves and begin to hate school. This teacher must stop harassing your child! Go to the principal and tell him/her what is going on. Write down what she has said, and when she said it if you know. Tell him how it is affecting your son. Julie http://www.stopratoday.com
@SViswan (12065)
• India
6 Oct 07
I've spoken to the co-ordinator (again). Couldn't meet the principal...she wasn't in. Well, according to the co-ordinator..many others have complained about her attitude and she will be out of the school next year.
@sandwedge (1340)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 07
hire someone to beat the teacher up. put in an extra hundred to break their arms.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12065)
• India
6 Oct 07
lol..I probably should!
• Finland
5 Oct 07
Horrible, i cant understand. Aargrghh my heart breaking out for this thing. I just should o...............o Teacher sucks so much as anyone ever can! I wouldnt be his son ever, never. Hope yll have powers to go through this and for your son too, much power
1 person likes this
@shadowing (309)
• Malaysia
5 Oct 07
Hi Sviswan. I feel that is ridiculous, none of my primary school teacher yelled at me before, not even talk in a louder tone. I mean if she is that impatient I feel she is not professionally qualified for her profession!! I am teacher have to be very patience throughout her lesson. Well, you are right!! But you shouldn't ignore, you should report. Haha!
@galoforce (264)
6 Oct 07
i think yhour right in protecting your child, as any parent will do the same. if i were in your shoes i would confront the teacher, though dont shout just question why she did that and ask her to appologise to your son
@SViswan (12065)
• India
7 Oct 07
lol...I don't think she will apologize. But I did speak to her and wasn't convinced.
• Malaysia
6 Oct 07
I am not in the intention to side to this teacher, but I suggest that you see the situation for yourself before taking any action. Children can behave in different manners in front of different audience, and even though I do not know your child, there might be a possibility that your child really did something to make the new teacher upset. The best thing is observe the thing with your own eyes and then you may know what to do afterwards. It is not fair to judge someone just by something your child reports to you. It might be true, and it might not. Sorry if I hurt your feelings, I am just being honest. I hope you can overcome this situation soon. God bless you.
@SViswan (12065)
• India
7 Oct 07
No, you didn't hurt my feelings. I've been a teacher myself and I know that a kid's version of things might be different from an adult's. But I know that 'Ask you mother to teach you some manners' is definitely not something that my son would make up. There were parents who didn't like this particular teacher when they first met her. I was the one who asked them not to judge her and to give her a chance. It so happens that she feels kids should be seen and not heard. She thinks my son is too smart for his age.
• United States
5 Oct 07
Hi Sviswan, Oh no! I wouldnt ignore that at all. Why did she have to snap on him because he was confused?? I dont think a teacher should have anything out of order to say to a child, especially one whos 7yo! She could have simply said, no I was calling for so and so. If she is new and keeps this up, she wont have a teaching job at all. I know teachers are people too, but they are supposed to have more tolerance and common sense for crying out loud! Someone failed to teach her manners! Bay xx
@SViswan (12065)
• India
7 Oct 07
She feels my son is too smart (he's been in the same school since he was 3 and knows efveryone there). She feels kids should be seen and not heard. The co-ordinator cerainly doesn't approve of her behaviour and has told me that the teacher will be leaving the school next year.