Is He Over His Past?

Fiji
October 8, 2007 11:47pm CST
I have been with my boyfriend now for 3 months. Things seem wonderful and great but there is one problem. I get really jealous when he talks about any past relationship he has been in. In particular one he had that lasted an year. Have already told him that I don't like when he discusses things about her, but it seems she's still coming up in conversations between me and him. At first it didn't really bother me but now it really frustrates me. To top things up he even admitted having a dream where he cheated on me. Am just sick of it. Any bright suggestions???
2 people like this
12 responses
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
9 Oct 07
Sounds like you're the one with the problem with your jealousy. Why are you jealous? He's with you now not with his ex. I like to know about my ex's past relationships It gives me some idea of how he acts. It might be one sided but if you know and understand the past you might not repeat the same mistakes. He's the one that doesn't like to bring it up so I've long since dropped it but I was still curious to know about his past relationships. I used to talk about my past relationships because it's a part of who am my bf didn't like it but to me it was no big deal to talk about them. But just because he talks about it doesn't mean he wants to go back. You need to work on your insecurities and learn to trust him. He has a past, we all have a past that's not going to change. You can't change his past but you can change your attitude about how you react. If he hasn't given you any solid reason to distrust him then I would let it go.
2 people like this
@kevere26 (223)
• United States
9 Oct 07
I'd be frustrated too! It sounds like there are 3 people in your relationship instead of 2. Talking about ex-lovers isn't the optimal topic to discuss with someone you're involved with. It can be pretty hurtful. When I've been in this situation I informed my lover that having an ex is not a unique thing and I prefer to stay in the moment. Anything else takes away from present opportunities that are more important than what's already happened.
1 person likes this
@shebee28 (230)
• United States
10 Oct 07
Maybe you should try to find out if he is really over his ex, so far it doesn't sound like it. But everyone has someone in their past,maybe if you show your not threatened by her he will stop mentioning her name. But you need to work on the jelousy, that just causes problems, good luck to you.
@cutepenguin (6447)
• Canada
9 Oct 07
I don't think I have any great suggestions. I would try to find ways to deflect the conversation, if it spends too much time on previous relationships. Unfortunately, if they were together for a year, she is a part of his past, and there isn't much you can do about that. I wouldn't worry about it too much though - it is in the past. There isn't really anything he can do about it. I'd come up with a list of other things to talk about, and every time the conversation seemed to be heading toward her, I'd change the subject to something else. Eventually, she just won't come up.
• India
9 Oct 07
i know its upsetting but i'm sure he doesnt do it with the intention of hurting you. my boyfriend talks bout his exes quite often. sometimes, i'm curious to know about them but at the same time i cant take it. i know its quite selfish of me, but i want to be the only girl in his life. but i guess, the best thing to do is to keep quiet or change the topic. :D
9 Oct 07
What you feel is quite normal hun, my partner and I have been together for a very long time now but I still get twinges of jealousy whenever he mentions his ex.
@fffdile (421)
• Italy
9 Oct 07
Try to tolerate this behaviour of your partner, give him some time and be the more tender and affectionate that you can... in a while he would completely leave behind his ex-girlfriend ;) And remember... if he is being with you now it's beacuse he loves you
• Philippines
9 Oct 07
that's really suck girl...that's so bad of him.but what if he just test you, i mean your faithfulness with him, maybe he just always want to see you jealous, he loves you even more when your jealous.some men are like just like us girls.but on the contrary if you just cant take it anymore do the revised psychology...gud luck gurl
• China
9 Oct 07
Everyone will have a feeling like you and I think it's not your problem but your boyfriend.Tell him that if he don't have a change ,you will break up with him.
@nmw2005 (1197)
• United States
9 Oct 07
He is with you now and not his ex. We all have pasts. Would you rather not know about his. Be glead that he is open about it....even if you don't want to hear it. As for the dreams, they are just that dreams.
• China
9 Oct 07
Hum,I know your feeling,you love your boyfriend very much,and you are afraid of that he would leave you and get back to his other girl friend.But,donnot worry about it,a man who can tell you something about his past,because he considers you as his mumber of family. I can guess he love you very much,please wait,just wait,he will forget to say his past about another girl friend in the future,good luck,god bless.
@michecu (637)
• Philippines
9 Oct 07
When my boyfriend and I were just starting to date, he often talks about his ex too. It didn't bother me because I'd like to know what happened to them so I will have an idea of what is his current state of mind, emotions, etc. I wanted to know if he was really over her or not. Well, it turned out that my boyfriend has several other relationships in the past that turned out not pretty good. In the course of our relationship, I've even brushed elbows with his ex-s but I was really confident with regards to my relationship with my boyfriend that even if I knew some of his exes are still interested with him, I didn't feel any jealousy and I was not threatened by anyone of them. I even let him visit one of his exes...well, for me, i have to let him go and trust him 100%. I think, what I did is good for the relationship because we are very much together until now and the relationship is much, much stronger than ever.