Is it really tough to stay single?

single - singleness is tough
Philippines
October 10, 2007 10:24am CST
Is it really tough to stay single when everybody expects us to be with somebody? I'll be turning 25 this year and don't have any partner in life at all. A lot of friends are mocking on me considering that I'm still single and they kept on telling me that it's really hard to be single for the rest of our lives. But it's my choice and I'm happy about that decision.
11 people like this
43 responses
@dpk262006 (58714)
• Delhi, India
11 Oct 07
If your are comfortable in being a 'single', others should not have any problem regarding your status. I think many in this world wish to remain single and they do not face any problems in their status. Being 'single' you are allowed many liberties and freedom, which you do not get, if you are married.
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
Exactly. I do appreciate you thought regarding this matter. It actually depends on the person involved. If he is happy being single or not. In my case, it is really my choice to remain single. Right now, I'm still waiting for that someone who truly deserves me. I'd rather be single than be in a "good for nothing" relationship. So far, I'm not facing any trouble or difficulty in life. I am indeed very happy for the choice I've made. But my doors are not close yet. It is always open to those people who are worthy of true love that I could give in due time.
6 people like this
@dpk262006 (58714)
• Delhi, India
22 Oct 07
You are looking for Mr. Right. Is not it? Who would 'Mr. Right' in your opinion, what qualities he should have, before you accept him?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Oct 07
I know Mr. Right is kindda fictional. I'm not really looking for an ideal man. What I'm looking is just someone who deserves my love. I don't wanna settle with just anybody for the sake of companionship. I wanted to be with someone whose heart is not fake. Someone who could give me the love and respect that I deserve!
5 people like this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
20 Oct 07
Hi, shameh, I understand your problem. I also felt the pressure when I still lived in Indonesia. Asians tend to be more "critical" about this particular problem. Just HANG TOUGH and try to ignore your friends' words! It's NO guarantee that even though your friends have partners already that they're gonna end up with those guys/girls. Just stay yourself, stay happy, and enjoy being single. In time you'll meet the one for you. You've got the right attitude already. ;-D GOOD for you, Girl! ;-D
• Philippines
21 Oct 07
Yes. I do appreciate the very nice thought you've shared. Most Asians do have that kind of personality. Especially here in our country PHILIPPINES. People go crazy about being single and I just don't know why. Maybe, they are too afraid of growing old alone. But I would say, I'm not the typical type. I do value and practice some of our culture, but when it comes to that matter, I do have the concept of the Western people. I don't really see being a SINGLE as a big deal. So what, if I don't have any partner in life. Like what you've said, even if my friends are in a relationship, it's not a guarantee that they're gonna end up with each other. And for sure, that would drive them crazy considering that they are too attached and dependent to the relationship. So, if someone's gonna bump my way, I would appreciate. But in case no one will, it's just okay, I am very okay, that's for sure!
5 people like this
• Finland
21 Oct 07
Hi, shameh, Yup, staying yourself and being happy with yourself are two important things in life. If you are dictated by society, then someday you'll wonder whether you make decisions because you really want to do them or simply 'coz of outside pressures. And then it's too late to turn back time and undo the decisions. So it's better to have your kind of attitude. I like your attitude! :-))))
5 people like this
• Philippines
22 Oct 07
Yeah, I should be.. My life is only what I make it. I don't live to please anybody. That's my principle in life. I don't easily get affected with what the society or the majority thinks about something. I always have my own view because I live my own rules in life. I always do what I think is right and what I think would make me happy:)
5 people like this
5 Nov 07
there are times when we feel that it really is tough being single, but its all in our minds gurl.. shame on those people who expects us to be hooked up. i was watching tyra banks show the other day and one of her guest said that you may be single but you are not alone, we have family and friends... we don't have to be with somebody to feel complete. i cant wait for some of my committed friends to approach me and say how jealous they are of me being single. as long as we are not insecure then all is well. i dont want to be hunting for my mate, if he arrives then good if not and what the hey life moves on... i was born single i can die single... fingers crossed! i am not saying that we should be alone, or that it is better to be one (although sometimes it is!) all im saying is that whats the hurry man?!?
5 people like this
• Philippines
5 Nov 07
Very well said girl! My two thumbs up. I am very happy to hear such inspiring thought as yours. I just wish that everyone is as brilliant as you. You are very right. We were born single so there's no way that we can't live the rest of our lives being single. And hey, you are very correct. We are single but not alone. We always have our family and friends. I know time will come that you will be envied by your friends. I'm not being insensitive yet practical. Nowadays, true love hardly exists. Practically speaking, marriage often brings too much complications. So why settle into such thing as that when we always have a choice. Cheers!
3 people like this
• United States
23 Oct 07
Is it really difficult to stay Single?? That really all depend on the person in question. I think that if your rather physically attractive, and your have a good heart, yeah eventually you will get a boyfriend, prehaps many and end up gettign married. However, if you more like me, Unattractive & not very pretty, and Obese, unless you decide to "settle" down with another Singl person who's also Obese, and physically Unattractive, you may Never get married. This is only my opinion here, so I hope that No one does get too efended here, because maybe I am one of those Unattractive, Obese individuals. What say you? And Why??
5 people like this
• Philippines
3 Nov 07
I do appreciate you for being so frank. I don't see anything offensive in your response. You're just trying to air out your thoughts on this matter. Being obese and not-so attractive woman ain't really that bad. However, more men today are just after of the looks of their partner. But if you do happen to meet someone who would accept you as you, then you are very lucky for I know that he truly loves you. Just don't see the world in the negative way. Cheers!
4 people like this
• United States
22 Oct 07
Me. I don't choose to stay single its more of I don't have a choice. I don't know how people are able to get partners. I mean what are the chances that the person they like, likes them back?
5 people like this
• Philippines
3 Nov 07
As they say, the greatest achievement in life is to find someone who's gonna accept us despite of who we are. To love and be loved in return is a very wonderful feeling. However, there are sad realities in love. Wherein we happen to love someone who belongs to someone else. It is so sad but it does happen and we just can do nothing about that.
4 people like this
@academic2 (7005)
• Uganda
22 Oct 07
shameh, by the time you choose to be single, you will have made up your mind that that indeed, is the best life for you-sure enough you will find it the best-you are your own boss arent you!
• Philippines
3 Nov 07
Yes, you are right! I am the boss, the master of my life. I decide for my own. I do anything that pops into my mind. I do anything that pleases me no matter how crazy it may seem. I just don't need to please anybody. And I don't need to live anyone's rule. I'm simply living my own rules.
4 people like this
@fracktion (154)
• Philippines
22 Oct 07
Nope. I dont think so. How can it be tough if youve been single since you were a child. What's tough is to stay married. I'm 26 and I dont mind being single. It doesnt bother me at all. I like being single and I can do anything I want. That doesnt I dont want to have my own family soon. I do. But it wont push myself into entering that status just yet.
• Philippines
3 Nov 07
You're cool! I do appreciate your response a lot. Only a very few don't mind being single. In the society where I belong, most of the people do seem to rush in finding their match. Wherein they eventually find the wrong person and ended up with a broken heart. Most of my friends do mock at me knowing I'm still single at my age. But I don't really mind it. So far, I am enjoying my life so much!
4 people like this
12 Oct 07
It actually depends on the person involved.. there are both advantages and disadvantages of being a single person. There are really times in life that we want to be alone, that is what we call our "moments of solitude". But since we are social beings and that no man is an island, there are also those times that we really need to belong to share life and thoughts with. So, again.. it still depends on the person involved because after all, LIFE is a CHOICE!
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
You're definitely right my dear! Being single depends on the person who have chosen to be like that. Being single without any choice at all is indeed a sad story. But being single by CHOICE is another thing. Like me, I do prefer to be single than to settle with a "good for nothing" partner. Life would be useless to be in a very messy relationship like what I was into before. My choice being single doesn't exactly mean closing my door to whoever knocks into it. I'm just waiting for that someone who surely deserves a true love. There have been a lot of times in my life wherein some friends do mock at me considering that I still am single in my age. But I don't let them affect my life. I just said that I am really happy this way:)
5 people like this
@linben (132)
13 Nov 07
I think staying single may be tough at times. Soul mate or spouse is quite different from family. You live together,support each other, share with each other tears and laugh more than anyone else. It feels so great when you wake up in the morning and find the one you love just sleeping by your side. Anyway, be what you wanna be and happy everyday.
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
You have a point and I do agree with you. That being single could really be so tough at times. I know that to be with somebody is still better. Life is more meaningful when it is shared with someone. And yeah you're right that nothing gets better when we wake up each morning seeing the same person in our side. But practically speaking, nowadays, being are getting so absurd. Most relationships, though not all, but most of them is only sweet at the start but gets worse as time goes by. I know there are still a lot of happy marriage and we are so blessed if we could have such thing.
4 people like this
@linben (132)
14 Nov 07
yup, you are right. it's better to stay single and have fun before the right one shows up. There are unhappy couples cos maybe they are not the right one for each oher. It always take two to make a happy couple. So keep fingers crossed and hope he'd show up soon!
4 people like this
• Philippines
22 Nov 07
Yeah, precisely. I have noticed that a lot of couples nowadays are not happy with each other because of some differences that they were not able to overcome. Especially here in my country, a lot of couples often fight because of third party and in most cases, about money problems. Such arguments often lead to separation which causes so much trouble to the children. And I don't want that to happen in my life. So that is why, I'd rather stay single than live a very miserable life with the FROG PRINCE.
4 people like this
• Philippines
11 Oct 07
Being single might be tough especially at times when you really need to be with someone. It is also lonely considering that you have no one to share your life with. But I am happy being single because it's my choice!
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
I completely agree with you. Being single might really be tough at times. Since we are social beings, we really need to belong. As they say, no man is an island. I don't agree that a man could live happily alone. In my life, though I am single, I still enjoy and appreciate some things in life, like my family and friends. They replaces that missing piece in my heart. And because of that, I'd say that I am really happy being single. I do find contentment in life. Yet, I must admit that I do feel lonely sometimes, but what I do is just divert my attention to other things. I don't focus too much on what I don't have. But rather appreciate the things that I have.
5 people like this
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
So we are birds of the same feather. We both enjoy our lives being single. We definitely have common thoughts about this matter. That life is at times lonely being alone but still happy with the decision of being single. I know for sure that true love is yet to know. Especially to those who are patient in waiting, like the two of us. I wish us luck and do hope to continue surviving all the odds in life.
4 people like this
• Philippines
23 Oct 07
Yeah, we are birds of the same feather when it comes to this matter. We both enjoy our lives as singles! We are indeed happily single, lol. I just hope that other women think the way we think too. That we should not be rushing in love or else we might just end up worn out. The best way to enjoy life is to love ourselves first and appreciate life's surprises.
5 people like this
@shofar (5)
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
when i was your age i often thought of a romantic relationship with someone special. to my dismay, i never found that someone maybe because i have set a high standard for that kind of person i am looking for. well, i let time pass be by and instead focus on my job...i did a lot of reading to while away the hours and at that time also, photography as a hobby, helped me go through my loneliness and desperations. it was then that i realized i was over 30 years old and still single...and i took this blame on me for being too self-centered and unsociable... but somehow, fate has played its role on me when this beautiful lady approached me while i was alone in the park reading my favorite novel. i felt awkward talking to her, she a total stranger but very pretty...our conversation went on about the book i am reading and i remember replying timidly to her many questions. before leaving she asked if i'm going to return the next day on that bench, and i answered yes. that was the beginning of a beautiful and lasting friendship...i called it serendipity and that was many years ago. now, she is my wife and a mother of our three children. you're still young and i know that sooner you will meet that someone else for you...i find you a woman with great inner strength...and for staying single as a choice is also your freedom to go where your heart dictates you. may i ask before i close this message...which will you take or listen to, your brain or your heart?
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
Wow, I am very impressed with your response. It has honestly made me smile. Your story is worth inspiring and how I wish many people would be able to read this stuff. How I wish your story could also happen in me. I like it when you mentioned the term serendipity. I am so glad that there are still some people who do believe in that thing. I for one is a believer of serendipity. And that is what I'm looking forward to. That is why I am not rushing things out because I am very sure that my love story is yet to come. For the mean time, I am enjoying my life as single and of course I am very open to meeting somebody. Like you, I used to have very high standards too that made me end up brokenhearted. I tried creating MR. RIGHT out of my ex-boyfriends. But because of my past heartaches, I have learned so many things. That I should be contented of who I have and appreciate their existence. Right now, I am no longer so picky. What matters to me most is no longer with the physical features but mostly on the inner beauty.
4 people like this
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
Hi there again shofar! I forgot to answer your question. About the thing on heart or brain.. Well, to be frank with you.. I used to let my heart rule over my brain. But after so much heartache, I am now a bit insensitive as what my friends call me. I used to be a very sensitive person but now, I'm like a robot without any emotions at all. So, I gotta say, I now let my brain rule over my heart. Because when I let this heart of mine rule, I was only put in despair. That is why I decided to switch. Why not let my brain rule over my heart at this time. Say it crazy, but I am really like this. I am now a very practical person and I guess no man could ever hurt the way I was hurt before. It is somewhat true but it is what I believe. But I am hoping that I could meet somebody who could change my outlook in life. --("v")--
4 people like this
@livvy092002 (1032)
• Philippines
24 Nov 07
So nice to find discussions like this coz i can relate to this! lolz. Im single myself and i know that we experience the sme pressures, same comments from society, especially also that we are in the sme country. These are sometimes the hurdles of being single in a world where most are married couples. However, this is our choice and we choose to be single and happy! We may choose otherwise in the future, we may later choose to settle down and start a family but the important thing is.. that in whatever status we have in life, we always choose to be happy, to be great in everything we do, to be who we really wanna be.. Being single may be tough, but with great faith in GOD, i believe we can truly be happy despite of the occasional "loneliness" we would feel. And isn't it true that singles may be alone but it doesn't mean that they are lonely? :-)
• Philippines
3 Dec 07
I'm really so glad to have found someone like you in this site. I felt so happy when you said that we are on the same shoe. That would simply mean that we share sentiments and most of all, we have the same view. I am not really sad being alone. What really bothers me is the society that I am living just like what you're experiencing too. I just can't understand what kind of thought the people in our society have. They kept on noticing people who are single and often give them tags as gays or lesbians. This is exactly our choice and I don't think that it has something to do with our sexuality. What really matters is that we are happy with the kind of life we are living.
4 people like this
• United States
24 Nov 07
If you haven't found a lover then there is nothing wrong with that. If you are single then there isn't a lover holding you back. What I mean is It is ok for single people to flirt. If you are happy or at least content with being single then that is fine with you. Its not like you want to be in a bad realtionship anyways.
4 people like this
• Philippines
24 Nov 07
Yeah, I exactly get what you mean. And I definitely know that there ain't nothing if I don't have any partner in life. It is my choice as of now and no one can ever change it. But I don't really agree with the flirting stuff you mean. What I'm trying to say is, I don't really see it as a nice move if single women flirt. Flirting is not really the necessary thing to do in order to get a lover. It just happens without any plan at all. I guess, I am up to here.. and thanks for dropping by!
4 people like this
• China
22 Nov 07
It's not bad to stay single. We have freedom. I dont have to worry about someone if i have a partner. To worry about his called true love he gives you, that's should be boring. The lovers around me quarrelled with each other every day. Will not be worse! But when we are old enough, we should set up a family =)If you dont want to be the hostess of a house, then just enjoy your youth! It's very precious =P So,let's think over such a question few years later^&^
4 people like this
• Philippines
24 Nov 07
Yeah, yeah, yeah! I totally agree with you Summer046136. It is never really bad to stay single. We all have a choice. What really counts is that we are happy with the choice we've made. And another thing which I consider as an advantage of being single is that I don't experience all the trouble and pain that typical lovers do experience. I may not be experiencing the ecstasy brought by falling in love, but who cares!? I am simply happy this way :-)
4 people like this
@livintx49 (245)
• United States
13 Nov 07
Please don't go and get married just because it's whats expected. You'll never be happy. I have 3 sons and only one is married the other two are happy single.They work hard and buy what they want to with their money when they want to. If they want to take a vacation they do!! One is 27 the other is 31.
4 people like this
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
Such a great thing to hear. Knowing that there are really these people who are happily single. I mean, our association is getting bigger. Well, I am not encouraging people to remain single and be a part of our society. I am just trying to tell the SINGLES out there not to rush in and not to get worried of being single. I guess being single doesn't mean we have no choice. But for me, it is rather a result of making intelligent decisions. I just wonder why there are these people who are fond of mocking others who are SINGLE considering all the complications in hooking up with someone. I know that it would always be better to be with somebody, but if that somebody ain't no good at all.. then it would be better to remain single and enjoy life to its fullest.
4 people like this
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
13 Nov 07
No its really easy to stay single. Well, easier, to clarify. No laundry lists to meet. No double standards. No overcritical personas to deal with. No BS testing. Far less chance of being garroted or eviscerated. If people are mocking you over it, then whatever. Its really not that hard to be single. For me cooking, cleaning, taking care of myself isn't hard at all. It's very hard (tiring and frustrating) jumping through every hoop ever invented, plus whatever a significant other can invent on the spot.
4 people like this
• Philippines
13 Nov 07
Very well said. Thank you so much for sharing such thought. It was indeed so inspiring. It made me think that I made the right choice at all. It's not that I don't wanna share my life with somebody. It's just that I find being with someone so complicated. Just like what you've said.. Being SINGLE is simpler than to be in a relationship. I don't need to adjust myself for that somebody. And life would practically be easier. I am open to date with any guy that I would want to. I used to get affected by some people's mockery on single, but now no more.. In fact, I am so proud of myself for making the right CHOICE.
4 people like this
• Chile
23 Oct 07
I guess it is not tough!!! Sometimes you find a special person in the weirdest places. I guess the "clue" or best advice is not to SEARCH for anyone... just live your life and you´ll see you´ll meet someone special!! Now, if it´s a choice, and for the rest of your life, as you say... I think that you´re too young to tell, maybe in a couple of years more you will meet someone special!! Greetings and good luck
4 people like this
• Philippines
3 Nov 07
Wow, thanks for sharing a very wonderful thought. I find it so meaningful. Yeah, you're right that I might meet new people in some weird places. Because I do believe that life is full of surprises. And I am always prepared for those surprises that lie ahead. Honestly, I am not in search. But I would appreciate it a lot if someone's gonna bump my way sooner or later. Good luck to you too!
4 people like this
@cobradene (1171)
• India
23 Oct 07
As I come from India, it has been a little tough if not very to stay single, because people expect you to have a secure job by 30 and also get married. That's how they think life should be. And it's so stupid. There's nothing wrong in staying single. You can still have open relationships and choose to live an independent life. I am in an open relationship which is totally against my society. But yes, sometimes, I fought against my identity of staying single for a long time. But, that's the best thing to happen to a human being. You have so much of space and independence for yourself. You can use this period for your personal growth as a human being and concentrate on perfecting yourself. I have really enjoyed my years of bachelorhood even though at times I did miss the love of a woman, but on the other hand I learned a lot and I also grew as an individual. But, there will be a time, when all of us would feel the need of a partner and finally find somebody to settle down with. But, even that needs a stage of maturity for the mind to accept that you are ready to settle down with someone whom you think would be suitable for you. But as long as your mind feels comfortable with something, automatically your body and environment would also follow the path of your mind.
4 people like this
• Philippines
3 Nov 07
For me, that kind of culture sucks. And it also exists in our country. I just couldn't see any significance of age and singleness. People would tagged single women as lesbians and single men gays. At first, I am very much affected with this. But as time went on, I got used to it. So what if they are thinking that way. What's important is that I am enjoying my life. I always bear in mind that I don't really need to please anyone. What's important is that I am happy with the decisions I make. And I guess, that's all that matters.
4 people like this
@subha12 (18449)
• India
11 Oct 07
i don't believe its really tough to be single. But much depends on one's personal choice and also the society has something to do in this respect. In my country, people will keep asking you when are you getting married after you are of marriageble age.
• Philippines
11 Oct 07
I do believe in your opinion that choice, personality, and society do matter in this situation. But the most important thing is that you're happy with your choice so that you won't be affected with what other people might say.
6 people like this
@dpk262006 (58714)
• Delhi, India
11 Oct 07
Subha, I completely agree with you.:):)
@mykmari_08 (2464)
• Philippines
26 Nov 07
There a lot of people who are in a relationship but aren't quite happy. I believe that of all the people who know you, you should know yourself best. You don't have to follow what others tell you if your inner self don't agree with it. There's really nothing wrong with taking your time in choosing to be engaged or to be in a relationship. Because once you're in it, and you decide to get married, it's a lifetime decision which you'll be bound to enjoy or suffer for eternity. Just take your time and enjoy singleblessedness. God bless and take a lot of care.
• Philippines
3 Dec 07
Hello mykmari_08! I like your idea so much. Yeah, you are absolutely right that there are a lot of people who are in a relationship but aren't happy. I myself too have been involved for quite sometime. I thought it would complete my life but then I was wrong. I has somehow made my life so miserable. I know that no man is an island but being single doesn't always mean being alone. In my case, yes I am single but never alone for I always have my family and friends beside me. I am happy even if I don't have any partner in life because I could appreciate that things that God has given me. And for me contentment is the key to happiness.
4 people like this