Part 2: Mother needs closure from deadbeat "boyfriend"

United States
October 12, 2007 12:31pm CST
Okay, part two. I have come to realize that some of the feelings I have about myself in relationships may stem from my mother, which brings up my second problem. My mother has been in love with a former co-worker. They have had a romantic relationship for about a year now. She continues to tell me she loves him deeply, but I really don't understand why. He is a fair-weather boyfriend. He always disappears on my mother when she really needs him, like when she lost her job and the rent was due at her apartment, he volunteered to give her the money. However, when it came time to pony up, he disappeared. He wouldn't answer his phone or anything. He would always turn up a week or two later, saying he got into it with a family member and didn't feel like talking on the phone. Now she's on a trip with him, saying that all she wants from him is closure, but I know for a fact he will not give that to her. Anytime she talks to him, he fills her with lies about how he wants to be with her, but at the same time doesn't want to be tied down. I feel that my mom is chasing a dream, and I don't want to end up like her (I believe that's part of the reason I am always trying to find a reason that my new friend doesn't want to be with me, I want it overwith before I get too hurt) How do I help my mother see that she isn't going to get the closure she needs from this man, that she can only find this closure herself?
1 response
theprogamer
@theprogamer (10532)
• United States
12 Oct 07
Its hard to convince others their "love" or "relationship" is broken, this goes for both women and men. You can try to point out whats wrong with it, but thats all. Your mother is gonna make choices by herself especially in this matter. The worst thing is, you and her both have evidence that this guy isn't all that great, but she still wants to be with him. I'd say some major introspection is needed on her part. She needs to know that being in a relationship is not the penultimate event of life despite all the messages to the contrary. She needs to learn to be happy herself and that she does not need to depend on anyone. But in the end, all you can do is just talk to her about it; the choice she has to face remains though and it must be handled by her alone. You can support her, advice her, talk to her, but in the end, its all up to her. Not you, not me, her.
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