would you wait?

United States
October 14, 2007 3:50pm CST
I have only one son right now. We want more children. But we are putting it off for now, as we live in a little apartment, on our way to buying a house, and don't feel we have the funds right now. But how silly right? Or is it? A lot of people say you can't relaly plan for a child money wise. And other's say that with what space you have, you will find a way to raise another. I just don't feel right bringing another child into our little place, when our son now has no room of his own. Then with another baby, my hubby and I REALLY would never have space to ourselves. It's hard enough the way it is now! BUT why should we put our lives on hold, for circumstances such as these? Do you agree or disagree? Plus what if we wait, then one of us can't create??!!! It's always a possibility, but it IS a big decision! Just wanted to hear your thoughts or suggestions! I would like to get the stress of buying a home out of the way first, then I would feel more comfortable, having an actual nursery! But what if the house plans fall thru? Make sense? It's frustrating! Did any of you "wait", and wait for what to occur then? Just curious! Thanks guys!
7 people like this
14 responses
@usmcsgtwife (4997)
• United States
15 Oct 07
I think if you are on the fence on rather or not to have another baby you should wait, no you really cannot plan money wise to another kid but when you are ready you will know.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Oct 07
you're right, if we're not quite sure, then maybe we're not ready for another, circumstances or not. but then i wonder if circumstances WERE better then would we BE ready? BUT i DID know when i was ready last time. we both felt it. so i think because weren't NOT sure, then it really isn't the right time then, and we need to trust our guts!! thanks for your advice! you're very helpful!
2 people like this
@maddysmommy (16232)
• United States
15 Oct 07
Only you and your husband will know when the right time is for you both to have another child. If having a bigger house and or house of your own is important for you all now, then that is what you should aim for. My son is 5 and we have been trying for another for a few years now and have not been blessed yet. We live in an apartment block too and have only been in the USA for a year. Even though financially we may not be totally ready for one, we feel that the right time for us is now, now that my son is older, I am at home still and my husband is doing well in his job. Who knows what the future will bring us, whether we will still be in the USA after his contract finishes in a year and a half and whether he decides to renew it, and so forth, lots of factors come into play, but for now, we both feel that this is the right time for us (its hard to explain) If we are not blessed with another, then that is ok too and we will move onto the next phase in our lives, whether that be building a future here in the USA or moving onto another country or even back to New Zealand. We shall see what God has install for us :) Good luck with you and yours!
• United States
15 Oct 07
you are so wise, and with the decisions you are making. i hope and pray God blesses you cuz i know you're a good mom and do all you can for maddy. you are blessed right now, being here in the states and your hubby and his job. you being able to stay at home right now, and everything. but if it's not time, according to God, then it's not the right time. but you're still so positive and that's so wonderful to hear that you're not mad at God right now, and if it's not meant to be, you said you move on to the next phase. you're quite an inspiration. i like that! good luck to you guys as well, and keep me posted will you?!!
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16232)
• United States
17 Oct 07
Thanks freckle, that means a lot. I will keep you up to date :) and good luck in your decision too!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Oct 07
good! please do!! yea, i'll let you know as well!! but it'll be awhile i feel...things are bad for us right now, and it's just not right for now!!
@twoey68 (13650)
• United States
18 Jan 08
I think the best thing to do is to wait till you at least have the space and money to care for another child. Too many ppl rush into it and then scramble trying to handle the situation. I'm not saying you have to have thousands upon thousands of dollars saved to have a baby but it shouldn't put a huge strain on your finances. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 08
but you're right, if we can barely afford food for our one child now, how could we do diapers and formula again? you have to feel somewhat financialy stable, it's just a responsibility matter at that point! and you're right not thousands and thousands of dollars!! but a baby is a blessing, shouldn't be a burdon, so when us, people (vs animals) can make a choice of WHEN to have a child, we should look at the whole situation!
@gabs8513 (48708)
• United Kingdom
21 Oct 07
Sweetie my answer is simple to this Never have a Child until you are 100% sure and until you think it is the right time no matter what the Circumstances you will always get through it Love and Hugs
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Oct 07
good thoughts my dear gabs. you're always so wise!
@cher913 (25859)
• Canada
15 Oct 07
well i think that if you wait, you will not be any richer than if you dont wait to have kids. the thing is if you wait until you can afford to have kids and a house, you will never have them.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Oct 07
YOU speak the truth. i was told the same thing years back before we decided to try for the one we have currently. that you don't know how much better you'll be off in the future, you can't control what will happen to you tomorrow. so you just can't put everything off. BUT i think you still need to go with your heart...but be smart about it. like i said before, it's not fair to have 6 kids in a 2 bedroom apt let's say. lots of people live like that, but i guess cuz i didn't grow up that way, i don't want that for my kids...make sense?!! you've hit the point and i thank you cher!
@nadezna (203)
• Philippines
15 Oct 07
i actually planning to have a second child when my daughter reach seven years old because i found difficult to have another child again we want to earn money first for our eldest in her education when i probably finish paying it that's the time i plan to have another child again..planning something for the future doesnt mean you control what's the best thing to do..it only means you only want to secure your family's future, having a dream house for your own is good to make you more comfortable and relax while you and your husband planning another baby again..^^
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Oct 07
well for me, having a dream home and dream cars and such are not necessary before having more kids. it's the issue of having room, the room for them to play and grow. it wouldn't be fair to have 6 kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. i don't think it'd be fair anyway, what fun is that to live on top of each other like that. so to me, if we don't get a house, FINE, but we will not bring lots more kids into the equation then. it wasn't meant to be then. if we get the house we're looking at, and it's just my grandparents house, not my "dream" house (i don't have a dream house anyway), then i will know a school is right down the street, so even though we have ONE car, i can still get the kids to school. the church is up the street, if our one car breaks down, i can walk to church. having a backyard for kids to play in would be great, get them out in the sun and fresh air, but not worry about them getting run over while riding their bikes, like they would here in the apartment complex...things like that are what's important to me.
• United States
15 Oct 07
For me I used to want to wait until I could afford one and have a bigger home etc... well God seen that I didnt wait lol I had my kids while living in a small house we moved and had a bigger home and then came the last one and we were crowded again. In the last five years we finally got on our feet. If you wait youll never have kids and for me I wanted them not to be alone to have a play mate.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Oct 07
true, we aren't on God's time anyway. and He doesn't hand you anything you can't handle. He knows, we have to trust Him. BUT i still feel if WE don't feel timing is right, maybe God's telling us the same thing you know? BUT it's impossible to plan anything...cuz you just don't know. but like you said, you didn't want your kids alone....i feel that right now, as he LOVES babies and loves kids so much. and since he's not in school yet, and not in daycare anymore, when we go to the park, or the church nursery, or even a mcdonald's playland place, he grips on to the kids, and never wants to leave, or cries when THEY have to leave, and is mad when HE has to leave, so i know he's kind of a social bug and do not want to deny him that. he'd make a great older brother, and he's so helpful with things and chores around the house, he'd love a new baby! and i think he's old enough he wouldn't resent the baby, he'd be more proud. so i'm glad there is some space, but wonder how much space there really WILL be by the time we get goin again?!! haha! thanks so much for your kind words! you're very helpful!!
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Oct 07
well, the situation will never be perfect, and the circumstances may never be ideal, but having another child is a big step, and one that you both should be in complete agreement about. I have two little boys, a three year old and a one year old, our lives are really just getting back to normal.. it took almost an entire year, to get things down with two. My youngest is quite the strong-willed little guy, he started fighting me at 4 months and hasn't quit since. He weaned himself at 6 months, and refused to consume any milk for 3 days, prob. because i was trying too hard, and he knew it was important. He's a red-head, and has a temper like you wouldn't believe. He's our little fireball, and we love him, but had i known that i would birth such an explosive child, i would have waited for another year. Because we are having so many issues with him, (he screams at the top of his lungs when i leave the room, throws major tantrums when he is told no, and bites often, did i mention he's only 13 months) we will be waiting until he is three to have the next one. I really wanted mine closer together, but i feel in order to get him under control, and have time to spend with him on discipline, and give him the time he'll need, and i'll need, it's best for us to wait. Having said that, As my older child gets older, it has become so much easier. He's potty trained (and has been since the youngest was about 3 months) and can do many things on his own. He'll be in pre-school next year, so i'll have some much needed one on one time with the youngest, and they have become good friends. If my three year old were a bit older, it would be easier, but honestly, it is wonderful. Two is an aful lot of work, but it's a lot of fun too. They play together, chase each other around the house and make each other laugh. My suggestion, if you are hesitant, wait a few months, then rethink it. A few months won't make a huge difference in your fertility, but it may in your descision. A hasty descision is rarely a good, or a right descision. If you have the opportunity, borrow a baby from a friend.. i'm sure they'd love the break, and it will give you a chance to see what you'd be in store for.. when i babysat my nephew (3 months old) I quickly realized that i'm really not ready for a baby anytime soon.. (: Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Oct 07
you are amazing! just what i needed to hear! first of all let me comment on your lil 'fireball', HOW CUTE! and you tell your stories very well. and i think you're right in waiting as he really needs some time with you right now, and that is responsible of you to realize, not just pop out a few more, and leave them all to fend for themselves, if that makes sense. you understand he is different from his brother, and that he may need you more than his brother does right now. and you're right, a hasty decision is rarely good. i sure didn't want 2 in diapers if possible, and my son who is 3.5 yrs now has been in skivvies since a month after his third b-day, so i feel like that's a plus for sure. BUT we're also saving by not buying diapers...so could we handle THAT expense again, along with formula, and doc visits and such....it's a lot to consider, and that's why i'm really trying to think this thru and not just say, OH WELL we'll manage somehow, that's not fair to the kids then. you have some great ideas about babysitting for a friend's baby and also to wait a few months and think about it again, plus you never know WHAT could happen in a few months, something good, OR bad....thank you sooooo much for your response! very helpful!!
@youless (104238)
• Guangzhou, China
15 Oct 07
I think this decision depends on your finance and age. I have a three years old boy, and I understand that bringing up a child really costs lots of money and time. So it's better to consider it well when to have a baby. Because once you have a baby, you have to be responsible to him/her no matter how hard it is. If both of you are still young, why not wait for some time?
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Oct 07
well the finances will be great in 3-4 years, as his apprenticeship will end then, BUT he is 31 and i will 30 in the next few weeks. YES still young perhaps? but not necessarily, and i don't really want to have a second child at 35 and a third at 40....too many risks, yet a lot of women are waiting these days...never know! but we're struggling now as it is, and just barely taking care of the one we have now, so don't want to bring another in and take away from the one we have now, when we're struggling right now as it is...yikes, did that make any sense?!! haha! thank you so much dear friend for responding!
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
15 Oct 07
It all depends on the two of you and your prioriies, i guess. I have 4 children and only the first was planned. All were conceived and born in very questionable times in my life. I have raised them alone and I would not change a thing now. they are my world. everything always works out just as it should. it really does. I do agree that it makes much more sense to wait until you have your own place etc. I didn't have that option. I got pregnant 3 times on various birth controls. I would have given anything to be able to raise them in a beautiful home with a loving husband. It did not turn out that way but I will tell you....They are all grown now except for one who is 13 and they are all beautiful, caring, hardworking young women and they are my best friends in the world. follow your heart.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Oct 07
wow, you are a supermom, good for you! i just don't think you can really plan kids. maybe once in while, like you said your first, but it's so hard. we weigh things too much, pros and cons. yikes though those birth controls didn't work for you, did they! but your kids are such a treasure and blessing, you can't deny that. hard times, yes, but what love you have and share for them. all girls you said? how wonderful bless your heart for being the best mom you can be, and sounds like you have done a lot, i admire that, and admire single parents, cuz it has got to be hard. "follow your heart" you say...funny cuz i always tell people that too, yet here i am questioning myself, and not listening to my OWN heart...thank you dear friend. you're a true inspiration!
@carlaabt (3505)
• United States
15 Oct 07
I know exactly what you are going through. We've been trying to decide when we want to have our next child, too. When I was pregnant with my son, I thought I would definitely be pregnant again by this time. My son is 20 months old, and I didn't want kids more than 2.5 years apart, preferrably closer to 2 years. That's not going to happen now. We've really been throwing the idea around lately, but now my husband is possibly being deployed for 9 months. I don't want to give birth while he is gone. So we are waiting again. Once we find out for sure whether or not he is going, we might or might not start trying again. We will probably still wait a while, though. We want to get some stuff paid off first. I really don't want to have to go back to work (I'm a stay at home mom), so it will require getting some stuff paid off while I'm pregnant, if we get pregnant soon.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Oct 07
see, again? it not our plan really, and you didn't know when he'd be deployed, so it's hard to work around everything. i understand about wanting to stay home. i work from home, as an actual employee not independent contractor, but it's cuz i HAVE to work, we've been on one income for too long, and that creates more stress, BUT i was the one who was raising my son, and felt that was important. still feel that way. so i have been searching, searching for a way to stay home and work for a year now, OR just get a night job. so now i DO work evenings, but then my hubby is home, so my son is well watched after. it's so hard. and society today is not as pro-parent, or pro-mothers as it used to be. i wish the best for you dear, and will pray that he won't be deployed but if he is, it's for a reason, and bless your hearts, as that is very hard, i know. send me updates, i'd like to know how things turn out for you guys.
• United States
15 Oct 07
I believe it works out good when Kids can grow up together. But many people like to try to plan out every thing. But some thing like kids can not be planed out so well. I say if you want more kids get on it and stop trying so hard to plan for it.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Oct 07
your words are true. a girlfriend of mine was so stressed about staying on her "timeline" , got married later than she has wanted, was mad about her own career, then in the process she had 3 miscarriages, lost one at 30 weeks along, and finally had one, then stressed about squeezing out another cuz she was afraid she wouldn't be able to since she had so many probs earlier. so she DID get prego again, and they're pretty close in age, but now her hubby is having probs with his job, she had to go back to work and she wanted to stay home so badly, they have a mortgage, 2 car payments...you just can't plan EVERY detail of your life. my hubby doesn't want TOO many years in between kids, but he beleives it'll happen when it's supposed to. we're not preventing, but we're also not trying! thanks for your encouraging words my dear friend!
@babyangie27 (5177)
• United States
15 Oct 07
Well I think it would be best to wait,my and my hubby were living in a 2 bedroom and he had his two kids coming over on th weekend and money was tight,then boom I was prego,lol. It was very hard and stressful,we moved but not until my little one was well over three,so having went through all that I would say wait,but like you said what if? You could try praying to see what you should do,that might help if you do those sort of things,hope I helped.
• United States
15 Oct 07
it's nice to hear that you've lived in an apt and that you had to sorta go thru this. but oops, BOOM you were prego, heehee i liked how you worded that. sometimes it's not up to us when we get prego!! haha! but there ARE always the what if's. i will be praying over it more. i've been praying for EVERYTHING to work out, and we're not on God's time, so i'm trying to just trust in His will for us right now. thank you for responding, much appreciated!
1 person likes this
• Kuwait
15 Oct 07
what is the best reason you need to bring one more child?and to your experience how can you be sure that you can raise them well and wise?
• United States
15 Oct 07
wow, gee, what are you asking? am i a good parent now? am i responsible? or are you asking me questions i should ask myself, like why do we want another child? but i have done a heck of a job raising my first, in my eyes, and many many people around me would agree dear friend! am i off my rocker here in not quite understanding what you're asking?
• United States
15 Oct 07
no matter what the situation, our son eats before we do, he is bathed, he visits with friends, he goes to museums and parks. he is around a lot of family members always. he is not deprived, nor would another child that we bring into the world. no matter what, there is LOVE, and that kid would know he/she is loved...