Is it hard for you NOT to be open and honest?
By Leca
@lecanis (16647)
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
October 17, 2007 3:33pm CST
Over the years I have discovered that I have a problem keeping things to myself. Not things about other people, mind you, it's not that I'm a gossiper. However, when someone asks me a question about myself (my life, my ideas, my thoughts) I have a hard time not answering it honestly.
It's not that I would like to become a liar, but being able to keep things to myself would make my life a lot easier. When I was young, my openness about my religious beliefs and my sexuality were both things that gave people a lot of excuses to harm me, and you would think I would have learned from that. Nope, not me. I still answer questions when people ask them, even if I know I might be better off not doing so.
So, how about you? Do you have a hard time keeping something to yourself when you feel someone is asking because they are really interested and curious? Are you honest about your life, your ideas, and such, even if it's not the most advantageous way to be sometimes?
11 people like this
34 responses
@kiobug (2250)
• United States
19 Oct 07
I have actually been suspended from my job for being honest. I let a family memeber leave the store with product before I paid for it. I did pay for it but not before it left the store. Anyways I was honest about it and I got suspended for breaking the rules. I just kind of suck at lying and why not be honest. A lot of people back me up specifically because they know I dont lie and I am always honest. Its a good and bad characteristic. I think in your situation you just arent afraid of who you are as some people arent as open and might be self concious. I think you can be intimidating since you are so comfortable and some people might be jealous that they arent as sure of themselves as you are.
3 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 Oct 07
Wow, that would be frustrating to be suspended from your job because you were honest!
I think being so honest and open is the big thing that keeps me from being a complete social outcast. Considering some of my history, and some of the more controversial parts of myself, it amazes me how many people respect me and think highly of me, and I think my honesty and openness have a lot to do with that.
I agree that it could be both a good and a bad characteristic. You know, I hadn't thought about being intimidating in that way, or having people be jealous of it, but now that you mention it... I think there have been reactions to me that your observations would explain!
1 person likes this
@kamran12 (5526)
• Pakistan
18 Oct 07
Hello lecanis!:-)
You have combined two questions that I don't have a single answer to, so I must split them to answer honestly:-)
Yes, it is hard for me NOT to be honest about myself, but No, it's not hard for me not to be open about myself!
I am not that open usually but if someone asks me about myself and I choose to respond then I would be honest, always!
I also see whether the information demanded is going to help someone or make things a little better for him/her in understanding of some issue or some other details or life in general, if so, I would share, If not, I may or may not share.
It's nice that you are open and honest, I wouldn't expect any less from you!:-)
3 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
18 Oct 07
and yet another similarity LOL I cant NOT be honest and open about my life/ideas/thoughts/opinions etc etc....Whether its about my being sexually abused as a child, raped as a teen, my addictions, my spiritual beliefs, sexuality etc etc etc...Its who I am..all of it...the way I think, see, feel, react etc is all real and all me and if ppl (IMO) are goin to get to know me and have a better understanding of who I am and what I'm about then being brutally open and honest is the best way.....
Of course thats not to say that I've not gotten grief at times for it but these days I could care flippin less ya know....If one is goin to ATTEMPT to cause me grief for being a strong woman who stands her ground then all the power to them LOL they're gonna need it if they think they're goin to sway, stress, belittle etc me ;-) I'm a damn excellent woman/wife/mother/friend/being etc etc...ppl dont like it...go away :-D
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
18 Oct 07
"so I love seeing you around and thinking "She's like me." "
awww if I was a white woman my face would be red LOL ;-) Seriously though, I know what you mean...I really enjoy the fact that we are so alike and for me its very rare to meet someone like that...I love it..If we lived closer we could go for coffee damn it :-D
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Oct 07
Yup, you and me and our similarities. I think it's awesome actually, because I'm not used to knowing very many people I have so much in common with, so I love seeing you around and thinking "She's like me."
I'm so happy that you feel the same way as I do on this one as well. =)
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
17 Oct 07
I am opposite. I t depends on the question if I answer it or not.I wouldn't lie but if I won't answer the question either.I think it is great that you are open and honest, especially about your sexuality.Don't change that about yourself.
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
17 Oct 07
*nods* I don't think there's any reason people should feel they have to answer any question, but I'm just like that.
Thanks for your kind words! It's good to know you don't think I'm too open on that topic! I know a lot of people seem to think so. =p
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Oct 07
Yup, that saying could definitely apply.
I think the reason I'm so determined to be "out" is because I know so many people struggle so much with their sexuality, and if no one is out then they don't have anyone to talk to about it. I've managed to help a few people who really hated themselves over this issue, just by being myself and being out there, and saying "It's not ALL you are, you're still YOU."
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
18 Oct 07
There are too many people in the closet that there isn't any room. Like my mom used to say, there is more room out than in, she wasn't talking about sexuality but if the saying fits...
2 people like this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
18 Oct 07
I had that period of time in life, as well, but thankfully I was only open to my closest friends. However, I found that not everybody was ready for me to be THAT open about myself, so I've learnt to just give simple answers and not to be too blatantly open unless I know the person's TRULY ready to hear ANYTHING without judging me or without fearing me or without showing any negative reactions.
There are people who're ready to hear anything, gladly...so I can be totally open with them, but I don't need to do that to other people 'coz what they find out about me may not be beneficial for our relationship.
I find that I'm content already just by knowing that only a few select people know the entirety of me...the rest can just live obliviously about me he he he...
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Oct 07
I guess I'd rather be judged and then know what type of person I'm dealing with, personally. If someone judges me for something I say, then I know they aren't the type of person I want to be close to. So it doesn't matter to me. My feelings aren't really that easily hurt by people I'm not close to, so it doesn't really matter if some idiot doesn't like something about me.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Oct 07
*giggles* Maybe I enjoy the shock value sometimes. =P
I guess for me, I know there are a lot of things that are automatically sort of controversial about me, and I recognize that it's going to mean a lot of people aren't going to like me. I accept that.
1 person likes this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
18 Oct 07
Well, it's not just that I don't want to be judged...but more like...hmmm...how to put it...I don't want to shock them if they know EVERYTHING about me, you know? There are just some things that some people aren't ready to face. I know that most of them won't judge me, but I just don't want them to shock me and then they'll think differently of me 'coz they don't understand those parts about me, especially if they're not really close to me. I just don't want to bother to shock them, but if they're really close to me, then I might just be THAT open simply 'coz I want to be closer to them.
But I get what you mean and it's a GOOD thing, lecanis. You're right that it's better to know who is who.
2 people like this
@seesinger (4)
• China
18 Oct 07
I am easy to get closed with others,and always think they like me as much as I like them,but I really know it's not ture,it's just my personal feeling,but I just can't help joking with them ,telling them my true feelings just like treating an old friend.Maybe my behavior annoyed some people,but I'm annoyed too
3 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 Oct 07
You sound a lot like me. I am quick to decide I am going to be close to someone, though there are certain types of trust that take longer to develop for me (aka physical proximity and such). But I talk easily to people, even when I'm actually nervous about it, it seems. I guess it works for me, because since I've been out of work for a while, tons of customers have asked after me. I never realize how popular I am until something bad happens!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
22 Oct 07
Wether or not they are curious or interested it's just bloody rude to ask people for personal details. I have a hard time with this too. Instead of saying "That's none of your business", or " why do you ask?" I give them my life history. I so wish I wasn't this open. No-one else i know is like this. I don't know why I am. Am i looking for sympathy? or kindness...??? What?
At least now, I know there is someone else like me.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
22 Oct 07
Haha, I often do that too! There are way too many people who know my life history, or at least large chunks of it, because they asked me questions and I just answered them instead of saying "It's not your business!" Glad to hear I'm not alone in this.
You know, you have a good point about why. I don't know what I'm looking for either. Perhaps in my case it's some kind of understanding... so often people treat me in ways I don't like without realizing it because they don't know my history, so often I share it in hopes people will understand why I don't like their actions or attitudes towards me.
Thanks for making me think, actually! It was a useful bit of introspection for me! I hope you figure out your "why". =)
1 person likes this
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
18 Oct 07
Due to past experiences I am not open to just anybody. I open up to certain people I care about because I want them to know who I really am. The rest I couldn't care less. They could love me or hate me, it won't make a difference. I guess I've been through enough I learned to distinguish who from who before it's too late, hopefully I would make less mistakes than before.
I don't feel the need to answer personal questions asked by anybody, but of course to close friends and family I don't have much to hide.
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
22 Oct 07
really? I'd love to meet those people who made you feel more comfortable being open. I haven't found many so far :)
2 people like this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
17 Oct 07
Hi lecanis,
It all depends on the question really. If it is something that isn't really abig deal to me then I have no problem being open and honest. Also if it's someone I trust with all my heart I don't have a problem being honest. BUT if it's someone I don't know all that well, and/or it's a personal question that makes me uncomfy I just make an excuse not to talk about it. That way I won't be a liar :P Have a great day hun!
Love & Hugzz, Your Friend, PurpleTeddyBear ;)
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
19 Oct 07
Well if your weird then it's weird in a good way *giggles* Have a great weekend!
Love & Hugzz, Your Friend, PurpleTeddyBear xx
2 people like this
@cellophane (636)
• New Zealand
17 Oct 07
I think that I am able to keep things to myself. If someone asks me a personal question that I do not wish to talk about, then I will do just that, and not talk about it.
That said, I'm quite open to most things. More so if the person is family or a friend.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
17 Oct 07
*giggles* So you're good at keeping things under you hat? Or, mask, as it were? (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)
Actually, I think my family members are the only people I'm not very open with, and that's because I seriously detest most of them. I'm very open with my friends, but even strangers can usually get more information out of me than I'd like. Good thing I'm not a spy or anything.
2 people like this
@cellophane (636)
• New Zealand
17 Oct 07
Hahaha :D
It's true that it can often be a lot easier talking about one's issues and life and such with friends or strangers than with close relatives.
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
17 Oct 07
Hehehe glad you think I'm funny. =P
It is really easy with strangers online I've noticed. I'm much less likely to talk to people about certain things offline than online, but online it can be really easy to find yourself sharing more than you would like. Actually I particularly have that problem when I'm tired... I just lose all my inhibitions. Not that there are many to start out with. *giggles*
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
18 Oct 07
I honestly don't know how to answer this one, (for real!) because I don't like to lie and in fact I won't lie but I've offended so many people in the past, say, 10 years that I'm almost afraid to tell the truth in fear of loosing a friend but then again, I'm all for the truth and nothing but the truth. However if you don't want the truth then don't ask. If I feel I can't tell the truth then I won't say anything at all and in that, I don't feel like much of a friend if I keep quiet. So it's a catch 22 all the way. Can't win for loosing.
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Oct 07
*nods* It is a hard thing. I've lost some friends before because of being honest with them, but I feel the same way you do: you're not being much of a friend if you feel like you can't share. So it is a catch 22.
I've come to learn that the people who really know me and still want to be my friends are the ones I want anyway. It might take a while to find those people, but eventually I do, and it's worth it.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Yes you are so right and I do have a few friends that I've been friends for years and years because they know me and know how I mean well no matter what I say. They are the ones I want to keep. Good point there!
2 people like this
@Sharon38 (1912)
• Jamaica
17 Oct 07
I am an honest person but I can keep things to myself if I feel like someone is prying and not being genuine. Even with friends I do this because sometimes I get the feeling that they are prying or just look for something to be negative with me about. Things I am open with anybody can know but there are things that I keep to myself and will reveal to those who are close and dear to me.
@Sharon38 (1912)
• Jamaica
17 Oct 07
Well you will not learn it all at once but I beleive you will. Being honest is indeed good but it only counts when people genuinely and truly are your friends.
You can also tell them that they are getting too personal and you dont feel comfortable disclosing that information.
2 people like this
@todine (40)
•
18 Oct 07
Hi there! For me, it actually depends on who is asking me those questions. If they are just my acquaintances, i don't share with them personal things. I am honest about my ideas, but about my life and other personal issues, i don't tend to share it to anybody except those who are really close to me. We don't really know the reasons of those who are asking, but to be safe, I am really honest to tell them that I don't like sharing personal infos only ideas. :)
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Oct 07
Thanks for your response!
I guess I don't see it as unsafe to share such things. I mean, I don't give out my phone number, address, that kind of information easily. But information about my life I prefer to give out so people can understand where I'm coming from with my ideas. There are so many of my ideas and opinions that stem pretty directly from events in my life, that often it's hard for people to understand one without the other.
1 person likes this
@todine (40)
•
19 Oct 07
I agree! People may not understand you if they don't have any idea of your background. If they would know even just a bit of you, they'll surely understand why you react that way to certain situations. But in my case, I really don't care that much if people will not understand me as long as i don't step on them or i don't hurt them. :)
2 people like this
@betsyraeduke (2670)
• United States
9 Mar 08
Yes...and no. When in a group setting or something of that nature, I tend to keep things to myself a lot. However, when it's one on one, rather I've known the person forever, or it's the first time I've spoken to them in my life, I'll spill my guts about anything. I have had a lot of bad or not so good experiences in life, so many times after I do this, or even sometimes as I'm doing this, I think to myself, I should learn to shutup, this person is going to think I'm totally pathletic or something like that. Yet I'll continue to spill my guts every time. Sometimes, a person doesn't even have to ask me anything and I spill my guts.
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
9 Mar 08
Yup, that sounds a lot like me! :P
I have that same problem. Since most of my experience in life has been pretty bad, when I start blabbing like that I tend to either depress people or make them think I'm being really melodramatic and whiny.
1 person likes this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
18 Oct 07
Not really for me, my friend.
You see, I am a rather private person really. Unless I am drunk (which happens on occasions and I can get intoxicated from air lol) and feel like revealing more (fate decrees), I don't usually share.
But the honesty part is not hard. I am usually pretty honest (save for some occasional white lies :P).
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Oct 07
*laughs* Ah, the lovely fun of talky drinkers! =p
I guess I share so much because it actually makes me feel less vulnerable. The more people know about me, the less I have to worry about people digging around trying to find things out about me, or gossiping. I make myself such an easy target that there's no fun in it for anyone.
1 person likes this
@navtech (1773)
• India
19 Oct 07
Dear lecanis, When I was young I used to tell others about my activities, feeling to others. Sometime others took advantage of my honesty. Time taught me not to be open to others. Now a day I do not tell anthing about my activities and feeling. I keep those to myself. By telling to others, they consider how to take advantage of our weakness. We do not commit any harm by not telling others about our personal life.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 Oct 07
Hmmm. I have to think on this one.
In my case, I have been harmed more by keeping things to myself. I have missed opportunities for friendships and relationships, and I have missed opportunities for personal growth by letting people think I was something I wasn't just to avoid conflict. I've also been harmed by gossip about me from people who found things out about me through devious means, and I've found that the best way to keep that sort of thing from hurting my feelings is just not to keep things secret in the first place.
It's interesting how different people grow in different ways, and travel different paths. I don't think that your way of dealing with things is any less valid than my own, and I'm glad you've found a way that works for you!
1 person likes this
@sheenmadness (1286)
• Philippines
19 Oct 07
I remember when I was younger there's no one like me to be their friend and telling their secrets to me because I'm like a newscaster. LOL! I tend to spill their secrets. JUst like you i had a hard time keeping to myself if I know something. It just splits out without knowing it. (Smiles..)When it comes to mylife i tell the truth in every possible way. But when it comes to others, right now i'm giving a little reservation not to be very open and vocal so my friends will not get angry with me. :)
2 people like this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 Oct 07
*laughs* I've never had that problem with other people's secrets! I easily separate them from my own life I guess. In fact, I've been known to visualize putting them in little boxes for safekeeping. (Eh, I meditate a lot, so that makes sense for me, even if it sounds crazy to others.)
It sounds like you are learning and growing, and that is the most amazing thing any human being can do! Good for you! =)
1 person likes this
@claire03 (1443)
• United States
18 Oct 07
it's hard for me to open up to people i am not comfortable with and i don't know that much, i only open up to people who i trust like family and close friends. it's also hard for me to lie about things that i think is important and will hurt someones feelings. i try to keep something to myself if i know it won't do good to somebody if i open it up, i just wait for the right time to say it if the person really needs to know about it. with personal life i am private, i don't tell everything jst to anyone. God bless!
@topei12 (272)
• Philippines
18 Oct 07
It depends on the person. I am not open and honest to those person who are not close to me. But even if you are close to me but you cannot be trusted with secrets then I will definitely keep my mouth shut. It also depends on the issues or problems that I have to open up.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
18 Oct 07
Thanks for sharing! It's interesting how many different opinions I have gotten here. I guess I don't see very many things as secret, thus it's not an issue for me. In fact, not having secrets makes me feel invulnerable to gossips and dirt-diggers, because everything about me is out in the open.
1 person likes this
@definitelyarun (210)
• India
18 Oct 07
Its not bad to be honest and open minded. Its a rarity. I dont tell lies especially to my mom because she often senses when im lying. I dont feel confident either when I tell a lie. But it is a relief when I tell the truth. Its a burden off the shoulder.Or else I would have to tell lies after lies to keep a secret.But I dont reveal much to those who are not close to me. Knowing who your true friends are ,is a crucial step. Its better to be conservative when you interact with others.
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
19 Oct 07
That's the problem with lies, they tend to stack up!
"Its better to be conservative when you interact with others."
*bursts into a fit of giggles* I'm fairly sure that conservative is something I could never, ever be, in any way. I just don't have it in me. So I guess I'll just have to keep being me and hope for the best. ;)
1 person likes this
