Who would want me?

@raydene (9874)
United States
October 18, 2007 8:24am CST
I hate to think I will be alone forever... When I started dating my husband I was a pretty, sexy gal and now after being with him all these years I am wrinkled,,,I am scarred....I am not pretty anymore! I have had 4 c-sections with the cut from belly button down so I am not a bikini wearer..hehe..this is a body that noone should see in the light of day... All you people that have been with the same mate for many years think about what it would be like to start over...You become acustomed to the imperfections in your mate...but can you imagine .... I used to say I was so happy to have a good hubby and I would hate to have to start over..I would make jokes about it..never thinking I might be in a situation like this! Well here I am..Ugly...Scarred...Wrinkled..who would ever want me???
8 people like this
31 responses
@cher913 (25865)
• Canada
18 Oct 07
well i dont think what it matters about what you look like on the outside, its whats inside that counts (such a cliche, i know...) but i am saggy and baggy (in all the wrong places) and well i have a great smile and an amazing personailty...guys who are half my age stare at me! work on the inside first before you work on the outside.
4 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Thanks Cher...It is just sad to give your best to someone who never deserved it...
3 people like this
@colgirl (77)
18 Oct 07
Why do women worry so much about losing their looks and fretting that their men are going to ditch them for someone younger or prettier? How often do you hear men worry about their wives going off with a hunkier younger guy? Hardly ever - and yet look at these men -they are getting older too, getting balder and flabbier. No one can stay looking like a super model forever, life takes its toll - however, a shaky self esteem is not attractive and nor is constant reassurance either so try to get back that confident woman you used to be.
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21588)
18 Oct 07
Emmmmmmm, excuse me butting in here, but Raydene is my friend, and I doubt you know the circumstances here, or indeed the bad time she's had of it over the past several years. I can understand her difficulty in getting her confidence back since the man she loved and trusted so much gave her the run around, on top of all her other misfortunes. Sorry to sound to self-righteous but she really is the most lovely of people, and has a generously loving heart, which has recently been smashed to pieces. So, forgive my intrustion but I couldn't help but stand up for my dear friend here. She's the best, and I'm feeling for her. Brightest Blessings.
3 people like this
@Darkwing (21588)
18 Oct 07
*intrusion... sorry about typo.
3 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
19 Oct 07
Thanks Darkwing my friend..I'm not sure I could have commented without you...I sooooo appreciate your loyality...it is quite rare ya know! HUGSSSSSSS
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21588)
18 Oct 07
((((Raydene)))), my dear, sweet friend. This is something we all do when we find ourselves alone in the later stages of life. It's a natural reaction to all you've been through lately, and I can understand that. But! You are NOT ugly, and although I admit, you're scarred a little on the inside with all the other things you've been through, they don't show; you have the child within you. Bring her out and shine again, and you will be even more beautiful than you were when dating your hubby. You're not a has-been yet, my love, you're one of the nicest people I know, so shine on, my friend. Brightest Blessings, love and hugs. xxxxx
@raydene (9874)
• United States
19 Oct 07
Thanks Doll, As usual I can depend on mylot friends to make me smile through my tears and get back up to go again..You are a special friend..Thank you so much for coming into my life. xoxoxoxo
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21588)
19 Oct 07
You're quite welcome, my dear friend, and I think it was more a case of our life paths crossing, rather than I coming into your life. You mean as much to me as I do to you, and I'm thankful too, that our paths crossed, and we linked arms and headed the same way, in support of each other. Take care and always remember... I love you, Ray, and I'm always here for you. xxxx
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
18 Oct 07
Sweetie I have seen a Photo of you and I would never ever call you ugly So don't you Also if someone really loves you they will not look at the outside they will love you for who you are a loving caring and sweet Person I used to think that way to when I first got divorced because my Ex always told me I was nothing special and no one would have me and I believed that but the way I look at it now is I will take what Life has in store for me that is all I can do you will be just fine and believe me there is someone for you but it will be hard for you to trust again but slowly things will fall in place trust me Love and Hugs to you sweet Lady xxxx
3 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
19 Oct 07
Thanks my Darling Angel..You are the best...You are always my cheerleader..Thanks for being here for me when I need you the most.. xoxoxoxoxo
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
19 Oct 07
That is what Friends are for and you know I love you very much and I will always be here for you xxxxx
2 people like this
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
18 Oct 07
DIdn't Mom tell you - beauty is only skin deep. Men as they mature realize that real beauty comes from the inside. A man who is worth it, will not worry about your wrinkles or your scars. Trusut me..I just got remarried last month....things will work out.
3 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
19 Oct 07
Oh good for you Honey...I am happy for you...But I do not ever expect I can trust anyone enough to have a relationship!
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
19 Oct 07
I know how you feel on the trust issue. It took me a long time too. And there are some really good guys out there. I did not expect to find anyone either. But this man was someone who had been in my life since my son was 4, he was his first hockey coach. He had been through something similar, he was a single Dad, I was a single Mom. We became friends for a long time before our relationship went on. My son is now 21, to give you an idea.
1 person likes this
@RosieS57 (889)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Don't do that. Women do that WAY too much. And men do it differently. What am I talking about? Defining yourself in relation to someone or something else. Women define themselves according to their relationship to men. Men define themselves by their job. You're much much more than the man you have, had, or don't have. Define yourself by YOU, not by a man. One of my happiest times was when it was just me, my baby and my dogs. Single meant I watched what *I* wanted on TV all the time. I never picked up anyone's socks. I got up when I wanted to and went to sleep when I felt like it. I ate only when hungry and not according to the clock. You are who you are and men have nothing to do with it. Can you imagine, even for a second, a man defining himself by his wife or his ex-wife or the wife he could get? Nah..it's the CAR that makes the man. LOL How silly is it to define him by his mate or his future mate? But that's what you're doing. Stop it this minute.
3 people like this
@Kowgirl (3490)
• United States
18 Oct 07
OH, Rosie I do agree! If all women could separate themselves from this way of thinking we would all be happy. I have often wondered why women feel like they can't live alone and enjoy life. Women have been slaves to men long enough, it's time we stood up and said no more! I am woman , hear me roar!
3 people like this
@meanangel (167)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Don't put yourself down. The type of people you want to meet are not going to be judgeing on looks alone. It takes a strong person to get back out into the world and I belive you can do it. I know I don't know you personally but you did have the nerve to get on here and make contact so that has to mean something. Courage and strenth are the key to confidence. Physical beauty fades for all with time but if you are beautiful inside then that will always shime through. You must be a great person to go through 4 c-sectionss.
3 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
19 Oct 07
I'm having a bad day...Tomorrow is going to be better
1 person likes this
@Kowgirl (3490)
• United States
18 Oct 07
I really don't think a person is "ugly" they just look a little different. But then we all do. Some are taller, some are shorter, some are thinner,some are bigger, etc, etc. I once read that when a man really loves his wife he still sees her the way he did when he fell in love with her. I have also seen some women and men who were (before you get to know them)very attractive but after spending time with them they changed right in front of your eyes. Attitude and personality can change the way you look to others. Like everyone has said "Beauty is only skin deep" It also helps to think you are beautiful, after all you are. Just ask one of your children.
3 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
19 Oct 07
My husband cheated on me and I kicked him out! This is why I am even thinking at all. xoxo
1 person likes this
22 Oct 07
sometimes in life we all have our insecurities about how we look, i know its easier said than done but i believe if you are not happy with anything you can always change it. with determination you can change the direction of where your life is heading or how you look like. all you need to do is if you are going to change do it for yourself. do it so you make yourself feel better. that will change your perception on yourself. cheer yourself up and please do something about it, its never too late..
@theprogamer (10539)
• United States
19 Oct 07
Its still possible for you to find someone. Some people either won't see what you described or won't care (or they could be in worse shape and really not caring about it). Whatever happens, good luck with finding someone. Know this though, that you don't need someone else to enjoy life. Yes it's a good thing to have someone, but its not everything and one can really live life and have fun solo.
3 people like this
@talisman (1308)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Why are you just reducing yourself to how you look? Appearance means absolutely nothing. It's who the person is that really matters. Why would you want to be with someone who only saw what you looked like on the outside and nothing more, anyway? I sure wouldn't. I know I'm a good person with many valuable qualities. That's what I was someone to see. Value yourself more if you ever want someone to value you.
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
18 Oct 07
I was in the same boat as you about 6 months ago, then I found my fiance and he loves me for who I am and he doesn't see the wrinkles, saggy boobs, and fat from having babies he sees me as a woman who is sexy in his eyes. And someday you will find the same thing. You say to yourself I am a sexy sensual older woman who has wisedom and a big heart to love with. Do some pampering things for yourself you will feel sexy and when you start feeling sexy you will set off a vibe to men and they will want you. I know it's a lonely time for you I've been there it's flusterating and you just want to throw your hands up and say I don't need love. But you do everyone wants to feel wanted and loved and thats ok love yourself first and then someone can love you. -Amber
3 people like this
@pendragon (3352)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Someone definitely will.People fall in love with more than an outside and ten to one,like most people you're not giving yourself a fair shake. hang in there!
3 people like this
• India
18 Oct 07
Hi!Well, I would request you to change your outlook first.Do you know what actually BEAUTY is? BEAUTY is not what you are, but what you do; It is not in the form of things, but in the HEART of you. Realise this fact, & give importance to your actions than your physical appearance.I am sure your issue would be solved in no time.ALL THE BEST!! GOD BLESS!! www.creatingcolourfulfuture.com
3 people like this
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
18 Oct 07
Well, as you grow old, your hubby too grows old with you. So you dont have to be afraid... because love is not only a physical attraction... it is taking someone as a whole... loving her imperfections and see them fit her perfectly. Because imperfections also contribute in the wholeness of the people we love.
3 people like this
• Canada
18 Oct 07
Hi raydene, I can understand that with everything that happened with your now ex husband how you may feel that way, but I haven't even met you or know what you look like and I already think your a beautiful person. Who a person is on the inside is WAY more important then the way a person looks on the outside! Love & Hugzz, Your Friend, PurpleTeddyBear ;)
@raydene (9874)
• United States
19 Oct 07
I always said the same thing but it's all diff now that it's me...I gave him my best and now it's worn out!..I'm just having a bad day ...it's my b-day and I'm in my room by myself!
1 person likes this
• Canada
19 Oct 07
I'm sorry that you had to spend your birthday feeling that way sweetie, and I know it's easier to say things to other people then it is to say it to yourself. I really think your a beautiful person though and you'll find the right guy worthy to give your all too, and get it in return! Love & Hugzz, Your Friend, PurpleTeddyBear xx
1 person likes this
@missybal (4492)
• United States
19 Oct 07
Funny but that is exactly what I fear from time to time. I am only 25 now and I've been with my husband for 7 years and we have been married for 2. I worry that if he does a flip flop on me I would have wasted my youth on him. Now I get hit on all the time, and I'm having to say all the time sorry I'm married but I'm afraid of that day that the compliments stop. However sometimes I wonder if I didn't have my figure if my husband would be with me. He has made comments before when I say I'm going to have this or that to eat not to let myself "get fat." He says it like a joke but it still bugs me. Now Wrinkles and Scars are something you realy can't control and at 57 years old no one would expect anything different. Really I think if I was in your situation I would focus on the fact that now I would know for sure that if someone wanted me it would have to be for me... my heart and soul... and not my body. Everytime I get a compliment I know it's for my looks and I married my husband because he didn't seem to be like the rest. He really seems to love me for me and in the end that is important. I don't know if I just made you feel worse or not. I'm just saying if you are a good person inside then the right kind of good person would want you for simply being you. Not necessarily a relationship as in dating but also as a friend. Good luck to you and I'm sure that you will find happiness and the 23 years you were with your husband does not mark the end of your life but the begining of a new one.
2 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
19 Oct 07
Honey talk to him daily and and work on you marriage..They take alot of work! because I was the only one in my marriage working to make it good ... I am now realizing I should have demanded more of him instead of always making it easy and comfy for him..Due to my trust and caring too much I made the cheating easier for him! Sweets just be happy xoxoxoxoxo
@quanto50 (142)
• Sweden
19 Oct 07
I think you have got some psychological problems going on in your mind.. I think you'd better just organize things and stop kinda looking at you from the negative point of view. at least you are married and happier than a lot of people who are wandering around without husband and you are looking for the new one :-) I never trusted that love diminishes by the time but of course it also depends on people on their personal interactions.. how they do interact with each other and integrate with each other.. but you still are not that unhappy you just are a bit self critique :-)
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21588)
19 Oct 07
Ohhhhhhh, Quanto. I'm sorry, but I have to jump in here again, to save my dear friend's feelings. I see you're quite new here and as so, don't really know the lovely person Raydene is, and the troubles and heartaches she's experienced through life. In explanation, Raydene recently found out that the hubby she loved and admired so much, for so many years had been giving her the run around... this on top of so many other heartaches, has been a difficult thing to deal with. She's not normally a negative person, as she's survived some really, really bad moments in her life, but the divorce has knocked the stuffing out of her, and I, as a friend, can feel her pain. She needs time, my friend. Please understand that I'm not angry at your response but just know that it will be difficult for Raydene to acknowledge you. So... I'm relating to you what she probably won't be able to, and thanking you for taking the time to respond in such a helpful way. Brightest Blesssings, in the hope that you enjoy your time with Mylot. It's a great place with some really special people in it, and I'm sure you will make lots of friends here.
1 person likes this
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
18 Oct 07
My mom is 63 years old, she has been divorced for 10 years and not one date, she didn't want one. Last month she told us she has been sseing a man 3 years younger and she acts and sounds like a teenager in love. She's been seeing him since March. Mom is salt and pepper with more gray salt than pepper. She has had several operations, she's gone through menopause, has terrible bad breath that she is always fighting. She is opinionated and a loner and very religious.... And I think has found a man she feels safe with. Hugs, kisses, back rubs and all I suppose. I can see her smile in my mind when I talk to her. If Henry wants my mom, someone will want you. It's the inside of you he will see not the outside. Just think you have it made, you will knowf or sure he is interested in you for who you are and not what you look like!!!!
@raydene (9874)
• United States
19 Oct 07
Thanks for the pep talk...I'm not in a good frome of mind today.. I will try harder when the sun comes up again!
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Oct 07
Funny about this discussion I was just thinking this a few days agao. I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 now, maybe more and after having a back injury and being partially bedrested for a year of that I have seen such a difference in my appearance. Unsure if it is age just catching up with me but I thought if I had to go out again and start dating who would want ME?? Just 2 days ago I went out and bought an exercise walking video and vow to get back to the person I was when he first started dating or better, if not for anybody but for myself to feel better about being with me ... it is hard, I think we all have a tendency to let ourselves go, knowing that the one we love, accepts us for who we are. But getting us back to the way we were when we met them ... sexy, pretty, confidence, this is something we should always try to keep in our lives. It is a reflection of who we are, heathly, happy and confident. What could be better than that??
2 people like this
@raydene (9874)
• United States
18 Oct 07
Honey I can not get back to the pre 30's gal I was when I gave my heart to him..And that's another thing I can't seem to get back!! I'll never take him back but I still love him!..It makes me sad! xoxo
3 people like this