did you feel so alone?

Philippines
October 23, 2007 12:21am CST
A few weeks after giving birth to my first child, I really have this feeling of depression. I don't know why. I feel so alone, as if I have all by myself who will take care of my baby. I feel that the people around me are not so supportive. That's one reason why I didn't want to have a child soon after the first one. To the mothers who read this, did you have the same feeling when you have birth?
5 people like this
10 responses
@blueunicorn (2409)
• United States
23 Oct 07
Having a baby is a life changing event. I think it is pretty natural to feel somewhat alone after giving birth. I did go through some of that after my first daughter was born. I had an incredibly supportive family, and my husband was great at helping me care for the baby. The first day my husband went back to work after my daughter came home from the hospital I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't want to pack up the baby and go out anywhere, and all of my other friends worked. It was tough, but I think part of it is the lack of sleep that you go through. Hang in there!
2 people like this
• Philippines
23 Oct 07
Yeah, it's tough taking care of the baby all by yourself and no one to turn to for advice on what to do. Maybe you're right that it's an effect also of having little sleep. I guess part also is learning of handling things you've never done before and feeling helpless of not knowing what to do. Thanks.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Oct 07
I agree with one of the other posters that gave the advice to find a support group. That is always a wise idea. I know that another issue for me was feeling so out of control, when I am usually a very "in control" type of person. Suddenly I had this new little person to care for, but I didn't know what to expect. As you find that confidence I think you will feel better, too. I know you've heard this a million times but it truely is some of the best advice: Sleep when the baby sleeps. That is really helpful.
• United States
23 Oct 07
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot this in my last post. Would it be okay to add you to my group of friends? I am new here so I don't know ettiquite on adding friends, but I would love to hear from you on how you are doing now and then!
2 people like this
@latinvari (192)
• Turkey
23 Oct 07
don t worry everthing will be ok i havent birth because i m male but i think you most feel good for your baby.just imagine ; your baby will grown up and will go to college and will married and will have birth firs baby.just imagine to future :) you will be ok
2 people like this
• Philippines
24 Oct 07
thank you. It's nice to hear encouraging words not only from mothers but males like you who haven't even experience what it's like to gave birth.
2 people like this
@sororravn (449)
• United States
23 Oct 07
I went through this more so with my second child than I did with my first. With me, I think it had a lot to do with being in a new place, not really knowing a whole lot of people who had kids, and trying so hard with my husband to keep a roof over our heads. I felt like I could not talk to him about how I was feeling very often because we had other needs that required his attention more so than I did. Some of it also had to do with the fact that my children are just fourteen months apart so I was taking care of two babies at the same time, while working, and everything else that it takes to maintain a household. My best advice to you would be to find someone that you can talk to about how you are feeling. The local hospital will probably have a department set up to handle issues such as these because post-partum depression is a very real thing. I would also recommend talking to your ob-gyn because he or she will likely have additional resources for you as well.
2 people like this
• Philippines
23 Oct 07
It must be very very hard for you taking care of two babies. It can drive you crazy taking care of just one baby how much more two while working at the same time. Yes, it's really nice to talk to someone who can understand more (like a mother herself) where sometimes our husband cannot. Thanks very much.
2 people like this
@peppy510 (25)
23 Oct 07
hi redbubbles dont get discouraged i tell you its very normal to have post pregnancy dipressions ihad it my sis had it all my cousins had it and i tell you its more severe after the second child but there is nothing to worry Yes you will feel alone and that nobody loves you and you are not being supported and many fears and many many doubts in your heart Trust me its a part of motherhood dont allow negative thoughts to enter your mind always think positive eat good and nourishing food listen to some good music and take out sometime for yourself This depression will be until one and half years but you try to come out of it coz its all in your mind its just a mind game and you win if you keep COOL
2 people like this
• Philippines
23 Oct 07
Thank you very for the kind words. It's good to confide such feelings that may not be understood by our husband sometimes.
2 people like this
• China
24 Oct 07
I am not a mother,but i can feel my mother's love. I love my mother, now you may feel you are alone and not so supportive,but you also can feel happy when see your child grow up and, more and more clever!!!
2 people like this
• United States
23 Oct 07
I had an overwhelming lonely feeling. I wasnt "ME" anymore. I had changed and it was very difficult to cope with. Its almost feeling like when the child is being born everything that once was you is now being ripped out. Every push there went another part of me. At least thats how I felt.
2 people like this
@viroop (155)
• China
23 Oct 07
no iam not feeling alone because i always spend my time with my lovely family. and free time i went out with my friends . we are enjoying the life so iam not at all feeling alone.
2 people like this
@cherryee (53)
• China
23 Oct 07
Yes, sometimes I think. Now I am study alone in a city out of my hometown. Only when holidays can I go back home and reunion with my parents. When time comes to my birthday I always think of my family. But fortunately, I have many good friends here now. They are all very friendly and treat my well as their own sisters.
2 people like this
@creematee (2810)
• United States
23 Oct 07
Redbubble, I first wanted to give you ((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) and let you know that you are NOT alone. There are many, MANY women who go through this after giving birth. I felt like you, after my 3rd child. I had family support, and a wonderful husband, but that just didn't matter. I would curl up and just cry, it seemed like it would never end. I went to my doctor about it, and he counciled me through some things, and helped me get through the depression. It's been 3 years now, and things have gotten much better. Please talk to your doctor about what you are feeling. He/She can help you, maybe resort to medication (antidepressants.) Most of all, do what you can to steal a few moments to yourself each day. Even if it's 3 minutes in the bathroom while the baby is sleeping, it's a quiet time for you. Do what you can to relish those little "free" moments in the day. Most of all, talk about your feelings. Even if it's here, to a group of total strangers, you need to unload. We're here to help, and we care. So, that's my soapbox speech. I'll give you another (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) before I go. Take care of yourself!
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Oct 07
I want to second creematee's post. I have so been there as well, and you are NOT alone. I was like that after the birth of each of my kids and have had to go on medications for PPD twice. It made such a difference. Also, sleeping when baby sleeps is huge! Ask for help. Focus on yourself and baby, that's it. It's only been a few weeks, your body is still recovering. Online is a great place to vent, I literally lived on a parenting message board the first few months of my twins lifes!
• Philippines
24 Oct 07
Well, what can I say but a lot of thanks to all of you - for those comforting, encouraging words. It's nice to know that people care and understands even if I haven't met them in person. What more can I say but thank you very very very much. God bless you all.
2 people like this
@creematee (2810)
• United States
24 Oct 07
Hi Redbubbles, Thank you for the best response. I wanted to let you know that I'll be here for you if you ever feel like you need to whine, cry or vent. My shoulders are pretty wide, and have been cried on a lot. Here's a squeeze for you, and may as well send one for the babe as well. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))) Try to find a few minutes for a nice hot soak in the tub. If you have to, put the baby in a swing, or car seat and take him in there with you (not in the water, but in the room.) You won't be alone, but you'll be close in case he needs you. Lots of love heading your way. Take care, my friend!
@Carrie26 (1587)
• United States
23 Oct 07
I know the feeling.I had it with my first child and then even more with my second.They are about 15 months apart in age so when my second one came around it felt like All I wanted to do was cry and I didnt seem to bond with my daughter until after the first month.The first month with my second child was rough(as well as my first.But of course I think most first months are)because it was hard to get her to go to sleep because she wanted to sleep almost sitting up so I would stick her in her car seat carrier sometimes and rock her and when she was asleep I woud put her in her bed.After about 3 months she eventually got used to laying down.But My gyno/ob asked me if I felt depressed or asked me if my husband was helping me out because she said alot of women get overwhelmed with taking care of the baby,housework,ect and dont take enough time to take care of themselves.I told her my husband helped out sometimes.More so than my first.But still I felt like all I did was do most of it.My mom helped out some and my mother-n-law did some but my mom helped out more with my first thatn with my second.So I felt I didnt much get to do what I wanted and I had low self-esteem which was because I guess after just having a baby.But eventually it goet better.Sometimes if it doesnt then it is good to get some help.Dont feel bad if you need to talk to someone or need to take medication to help out for awhile.It doesnt make you crazy or anything.I dont look bad upon people like that because I know how it feels.While I never took any medication I do at times get depressed but I think its partially to always being at home taking care of the kids and doing housework.Dont get me wrong I love my kids but sometimes I woudl like to help of earning income or to go out and have even an hour to my self which is hard to come by.But usaually I ask for help not alot but sometimes.Sometimes you need to ask for help because maybe sometimes peopel just dont want to feel like they are invading your space.Take care of yourself and get some sleep.I hope you get to feeling better.
• Philippines
24 Oct 07
Thanks a lot. Talking about our feelings helps a lot in forgetting and relieving depression. Having babies/children are fun and a blessings but it has the greatest responsibility attached to it. That's where we are being tested to be good or bad parents. God speed
2 people like this