Are ALL children suppose to get along?

Canada
October 24, 2007 1:35pm CST
In a normal classroom, wouldn't it be expected that SOME children don't get along? And wouldn't it be ridiculous to expect them to? Do adults get along with everyone they meet? Aren't there people that just get under our skin? Then why in the world do we expect our own children to get along with everyone, especially children their own age? My daughter and another girl in her class DO NOT get along at all. They just look at each other and the heat in the room rises. The other little girl's mom approached me yesterday and told me we should get together at some point so we can teach our kids to get along. I replied that I'll agree to meet so the girls can discuss their differences and find solutions to tolerate each other in class but I don't think forcing them to get along is going to work much! I'm not going to tell my child that she must play and have fun with someone she can't stand to be around with! There are people in this world I avoid and I shall respect my children to have the same choice.
3 people like this
5 responses
@carmelanirel (20976)
• United States
27 Oct 07
While it is true you shouldn't force a friendship on your children, but they do need to learn tolerance. There are going to be many times the she won't like someone, but still has to work with them. And of course when she is an adult, there are co-workers and employers that she may not get along with, but still must do her job or loss it.. I think you should tell your daughter that if she really doesn't like this girl, doesn't mean that she can't work with her. Does she have to sit next to the girl? That would be a good example, sometimes teachers have the students that sit next to each other work on a project, so she needs to be aware of that.. If it is really serious and it can't be worked out, maybe you can talk to the teacher and see if she would separate them..
• Canada
27 Oct 07
I do know that the children do not sit together in school. There was an episode this week at story time where the other child was in front of my daughter. She wasn't sitting properly on her bottom so my daughter yelled at her to sit so she could sit. I will not tolerate that behaviour. Just because you don't like the child doesn't mean you have to be disrespectful and she did get disciplined. I think it's going to be important that we show them the respect that comes with gettting along for the sake of bringing harmony and peace into the classroom however they may still choose not to become friends and play on the playground.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Oct 07
Well, then, you should just tell the other parent, if they want to become friends, they will do so and that you won't force them to be friends, but do expect them to be respectable to each other. Though don't expect too much, they are kids and they are going to do things that are not right. With my son, all I can do is teach him to be nice, even to those he doesn't like and those who are mean. I also try to teach him that there are limits, if someone is being really cruel, depending on the situation, for him to speak up in a calm voice or to tell the teacher. (telling the teacher is very last and IF someone is getting hurt, not that I am teaching him to be a tattle tale) I hope this helps some..:)
1 person likes this
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
24 Oct 07
Don't be too hard on the other moms idea. No we do not all get along, BUT, and this is a big but; we all had to be taught how to get along. In everday life we encounter people we just do not like or wish to deal with, but, depending on the situation we must. No, you should not force your little girl to Play with the other child, however, in a classroom setting it will be beneficial to all involved if they learn to get along. Teach her tolerance now and you will be grateful for this fact in the future. You may not like your co-worker but that does not mean you have he right to refuse to work with her. It is the same for your little girl. She may not like this other child but that does not give her the right to interrupt her during classtime or be mean to her on the playground or refuse to allow her her turn, etc. Another thing that might be going on here is childrens perceptions are not as adults, they also do not know how to express themselves or say how they are feeling. As they grow and learn, these consepts and abilities develop. Example: My granddaughter has been in Head Start and Kindergarten with the same little boy and they do not get along. They are like polar opposites at times and yet at other times the same and act like rivals. Both have been to the principle many times because of their behavior towards each other. They never see each other outside of school. This year in the 1st grade, alas, again they are in the same class. My daughter asked for a new room assignment and her request was denied. Recently Raven came home in tears; "Johnny hurt my feelings, he called me fatty, fatty rat". But what she said next shined a whole new perspective on the situation. "Why doesn't Johnny like me? I like him?" Raven has always liked this little boy and has not known how to express this. Immediatley after her comment her daddy said, "So you like Johnny now." Her reply, "I always liked Johnny". A few hours later when mommy came home and the subject was being discussed Raven was adament about hateing Johnny. You see, she is embarrassed about liking a boy. Maybe your daughter sees a potential friend in this little girl but they are too alike and too much not alike. Either way it will be of benefit to her now and in the future if she learns it is ok to not be friends with someone but we must still get along with that person in our daily lives such as at school or jobs. The rest of the time they should leave each other alone. Oh, I just remembered my daughter once did not get along with a girl becasue she had lost her favorite shoes and this new girl in school wore shoes just like the ones she lost. It wsa a case of envy. But being a second grader she did not really know what envy felt like yet. They became the best of friends the next school year.
• Canada
24 Oct 07
I'm not saying that my daughter should not learn respect nor how to tolerate a person who doesn't really appeal to her. Yes I've agreed to have the children meet and work their differences out and we shall teach them how to work around it and deal with the problems at hand. However I'm also going to tell my daughter that if she doesn't want to play with said little girl, she doesn't have to! If she doesn't want to be her friend, that's ok too. There's a difference between being friend and knowing someone, or tolerating someone. I never said my daughter interupts during classtime! That would be a whole different issue in itself!
1 person likes this
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
24 Oct 07
Disrupting at classtime was just an example, not that I thought your daughter did that. I will admit that my granddaughter took her dislike for Johnny to the point of yelling at him not to look at her during quiet time in class. I am sure yu and the other mom will do fine in helping the girls to learn to get along, and NO, I do not expect you to tewll your child to be friends with the other girl. As much as we moms may want to someitmes we really cannot pick our childrens friends. Good Luck
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19460)
• Philippines
28 Oct 07
you are so right. not all adults get along so well and so does children! everybody is different from each other so it wouldn't be avoided that misunderstandings will occur. everybody has different opinions and views, different likes and dislikes, different beliefs.. and it is in these differences that misunderstandings arise. but as long as we know how to handle misunderstandings, then we'd be fine. if we dont like a person, then at least we just have to be civil so there wouldn't be any trouble. just tell your daughter to ignore that particular classmate of her. as much as possible she should stay away from trouble. ^__^
• Canada
28 Oct 07
As much as I agree that she should stay away from trouble, and believe me, she really does need to learn to stay away from trouble, I wouldn't want her to start ignoring her classmate. She does have to learn to tolerate this child because they are classmate and they will have to work together at some point! The other mom still hasn't called me about meeting together so I'll have to see if she's available next weekend.
@MarieJ23 (1041)
• United States
24 Oct 07
I was teaching before and base on my experience there were few of my students who didn't get along well. If you are going to call their attention each group will say that the other are arrogant, showy or they don't like them because of that blah,blah,blah. So it is just normal. Even adults feel that way too. Remember, no matter how hard we try there are always one or two in our neighborhood, at work or people around us who will end up hating or not liking us. Simply because we just can't please everybody. I guess, the most important part there is the constant reminder from both parents. The idea of the other kid's Mom is good. I mean, you don't need to force them to befriend each other but at least both parents and both of them can talk about the root of such "hatred among them". You know what I am happy to know that both of you are concern about this matter. They are still young and whatever attitude they both have can still be easily corrected. Maybe there was just a simple misunderstanding between the two of them. Who knows?
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Oct 07
Exactly!
@violeta_va (4832)
• Australia
25 Oct 07
I totaly agree with you on this. You cant expect the girls to get along perfectly just because they are given the oportunity to do so. Yes they might or might not set the differences aside but you cant force them to do so. If we liked everyone we met life would not be interesting at all.
• Canada
25 Oct 07
If we liked everyone we met... I'm sure it would be ideal to see everyone's potential and talents and appreciate them for those qualities however it just isn't so. I respect some people who do get on my nerves but I still don't want to be around them. Why be around people that bring you down!