Autism and Stepchildren, A Real Venting! :)
By JOLINAR1073
@JOLINAR1073 (88)
United States
October 27, 2007 9:58pm CST
I am wondering if anyone has experienced this....I married my husband roughly 2 1/2 years ago. He and his son both knew that I was bringing an autistic son into the marriage. The only one who even TRIES to understand my son is my husband. My 23 year old stepson makes NO effort at all to understand him. He is constantly trying to act like my son should be normal. Should think normally, act normally. Sometimes my son just CAN'T! He tells my son what to do and wonders why Matt won't listen to him. My stepson makes matters worse by being a LAZY, WORTHLESS bum. His actions are starting to influence my son. My stepson works a measly 20 hours a week at Jewel and complains that it's too much. He spends the rest of his time watching TV, playing Video Games and just being Lazy. The exception is going to Church. But, he does absolutely nothing else. My son has picked up on this and even says his stepbrother is LAZY! He told me that he wants to work when he's 16, which is probably the only good thing about this situation. But, the rest of my stepson's attitude has begun rubbing off on my son, and it's really making me mad. My son needs the understanding of his stepbrother, even if they don't get along most of the time. My son is 12, my stepson is 23. The age difference alone is hard on both of them. They were both only children, so I can understand. My stepson lost his mom to cancer. My son's father was just a jerk and left us to fend for ourselves. But, my stepson's attitude is starting to cause problems with not only my son, but within my marriage to my husband. I can't get my husband to take action and make his son MOVE the HECK out of our home. What should I do? It's causing lots of problems...anyone else experience this scenario?
3 people like this
4 responses
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
28 Oct 07
I personally think that your step son is old enough to move out and fend for himself. There is no reason that at 23 years old he should be living at home if he is not going to school, or working full time and paying rent. Especially if he is just making life harder for everyone else in the house.
2 people like this
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
28 Oct 07
Age difference is going to be very tough for everyone however if your stepson has never been exposed to people with intellectual disabilities, it's going to be even harder for him to accept this. And unless he's got the heart to, he's not going to change his outlook. This becomes a very difficult situation with your own son and of course yourself. It is a cruel world and not everyone will accept other's disabilities, especially when it's not a physical one. Why can't this little guy just snap out of it... well you and I know the answer but a lot of people don't!
I will also agree with the previous reply, your stepson is more than old enough to move out on his own. If he was a student or payed rent, then it would be another issue however it doesn't sound like it is. Sounds like Daddy has taken on the *poor little son of mine has lost his mother and can't move on* attitude. Put your foot down, it's your house as well, give him chores to do, little jobs around the house like taking out the garbage, give him one night a week where he has to make dinner for everyone, teach him how to be independant. If you don't, looks like no one else will! Now of course you can't expect him to accept everything all at once so start with something small and gradually increase his responsibilities in the house. He's either going to be thankful in the end, or hate you for it and move out! :) And if it's his turn to cook and he doesn't, make your son a sandwich and let everyone else go without. Well that's what I would do but I've also been known as *the mean one* LOL Good luck hun!
@JOLINAR1073 (88)
• United States
29 Oct 07
Well, I'd give him chores, but he probably wouldn't do them..lol. But, in all fairness, he does take the garbage out, without me asking. On rare occasions he has helped out with his stepbrother. He talks about wanting to be "independent" but mostly it sounds to me like he just wasting money instead of asking me for something which I could have. It just irks me to no end that he KNEW about my son before I married his dad. Heck, he babysat for us so that we could go out. Now, all of a sudden it seems like he just keeps trying to tell my son what to do, or gripes about something illogical that he's done. Instead of trying to LEARN about Autism, he spends all his spare time playing video games. On very very rare occassions he will offer to help out with my son. He's not a terrible person, just extremely lazy in my eyes. I understand my husband's point of view. Truly I do, but still it's frustrating. As for cooking for us, if I wanted a bologna sandwich I'd make one myself, lol. Although, again, during a recent crisis, I gave him instructions on what to do for my son, and he did them. He has his good moments. But, otherwise, it's driving me crazy! Thanks for the support!
2 people like this
@MommaOfAllTrades (969)
• Canada
29 Oct 07
Whoa hold on to your shorts girl, I didn't say to kick him in the kitchen blindfolded! LOL Face the facts, he lost him mom. The one person that is suppose to teach him the basics, cooking, hygiene, sewing... is no longer around so guess who's lap this job has fallen into? I'm not saying you need to raise him from scratch either. oh boy no! Have a family meeting and tell him that Thursday nights (or whatever night) is his night to cook and you will obviously help him until he is able to do this on his own. Just like any child learning something new! So find out what he wants to cook the first night... his favourite meal would be a good choice, if it's simple enough. Shepherd's pie, spaghetti (with meat sauce), a chicken dish... whatever! So the first few weeks you plan the meals, you cook together with the intentions of letting him learn through this process and be able to cook a decent meal on his own in a few months. Either that or he'll move out with a girl and make her completely miserable with his selfish attitude towards domestic issues! Yikes!
He's taking the garbage out and that's an awesome great step. You said he says he wants to be independent but I think he's not sure how. So it's easier to be lazy because it's a habit he's formed. And it will take time to whip him back into shape but it can happen. As more responsibilities are expected out of him, the more self-esteem he'll gain and better able to accept life as it is and not dwell and hide his issues into video games. Video games have a way of making time disappear, which in turn make emotions temporarily disappear. It's not a good thing any which way you look at it!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Apr 08
I think its time that stepson got a full time job and started paying his share of the rent or move out and get his own apartment as he seems to be tearing your family apart and with an autistic child you have enough problems. he is old enought to be out on his own at twenty three. I would talk with yur husband again and make him see the light.
@RedFeather (427)
• United States
27 Apr 08
when did he lose his mom?
how long was it just him and dad?
sounds like dad needs to step up to the plate pretty quick.
not sure what was going on when the two of you got together - but your stepson should have been at least THINKING about full-time work and a place of his own BY that time...
sorry - i know i'm blurting without having all the facts - but i really feel for you - i went through some similar stuff; but throw the influence of ex-wife in...
i wish you lots of luck and hope that you can all get together to make this family work.
1 person likes this
