rambling on and on and on..

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I hope you guys don't mind if I ramble on and on about my current situation. OK here it is, This post is basically about me and my mom. My Mom and I have never been really that close, although when you look at us we may seem like it. Sometimes it amazes me how good we're getting at pretending we know each other. Do not get me wrong, I want to get to know my mom, it just so happens that she prefers other people rather than me. My situation now with my mom is much more complex than it was before, why ou may ask, because now she's my boss, and at first i thought all is well and good, maybe now we have something to talk about, I thought wrong. She prefered talking to the other receptionist who I may say is actually my friend, but now feels like a rival for my mom's affection. People told me I should try and talk to my mom. I would love to, but my mom is sick and when I say sick, i mean sick in the head, which makes it difficult to talk to her because every time I try and talk to her in a civil manner it always ends up with her screaming and throwing things at me. So its hard to be her daughter. I have a lot of issues with my mom and now I don't really know what I should do. She cant seem to see the fact that her actions are sometimes too hurtful or that her love for herself has left me nothing. I love my mom that I do not doubt, but does she love me? that I question. I feel awful for having such a strained relationship with my mother, how I wish it was different.