Should the adopted child be told they are adopted?

i think it necessary to tell them when they are mature enough/ they should now their history although it wasn't sweet. it will be dillema if someday he/she knows about it from other person. it will be hurt them more. so, try to tell them in good way. you already with them and i believe as parents, you will know better way to say it to them :)

They should have told her as soon as she was old enough to understand. I think its terrible to keep something like that a secret for so long. In the end, the child feels like their whole life was a lie.

They should have told her when she was about two or three, make a wonderful story about finding her in a basket after asking for a child. Now that she is almost grown and a teenager at that, if they tell her, then there will probably be trouble. And what if she finds from someone else? I do not know how to answer this, I told my boys when they were young and when you do it, they kind of forget that they are adopted. That is why it is important to tell early enough because now the girl will think she is different, but she has to know =--well in case there is an accident, and she might need a blood transfusion, etc.

I think they should tell the girl the truth. Explain to the girl that this little fact does not change any of their love for her and that it's just a matter of legalities. In any case, since they have raised the child well, I believe she will understand the situation. However they should also ready themselves in case the girl wants to get to know her biological family.

I find it hard to believe the subject has not come up. That no older cousin innocently recalled the incident, that the girl didn't notice that she looked like any family member. I mean, kids get to observing sister Sally looks like "mom's side of the family" and brother Johnny looks like dad. But she doesn't have anyone's nose or eyes. I also think they will be surprised that their daughter is not surprised. Sometimes these things people have a sense about. Even if they felt totally loved and included, she had to have wondered or at least noted that there are no photos of her mother showed as pregnant in the family albums. Or that there is no "hospital nursery photo" of her and there are of siblings, etc etc. Just like a kid pretty much knows if they were born before their parents were married or too soon after the wedding even if parents never talk about it or try to hide it from them because every other kid's parents have their wedding photos proudly displayed. I think they MUST tell the truth. Because its the truth. And she will find out eventually later if she has a medical problem and finds that no siblings are actually related to her, etc. If they have a strong relationship, its better to do so now than when the daughter is going off to college at 18 and may feel alienated at a vulnerable time of change. if they are NOT close or have a troubled relationship with their daughter they may want to call on support from extended family. But if so, it could also make the daughter who feel like she was a square peg realize why and may feel better about herself.

i don't think the parents should tell her the truth now. 15 years old is not a age old enough to accept the realism. if the parents tell her about that now, as a treacherous age the girl might hate the parents and does not live a happy life. the most important thing the parents should do, in my opinion, is give her a good education, let her know the importance of the parents' love, they love her although she is not born by them. then, years later, maybe when the girl is 23 years old, she was graduated from college, know lots of things about love, the parents tell her the truth, maybe the girl will accept it happily. they love her. i hope neither the parents nor the girl will be hurt.

i think it necessary to tell them when they are mature enough/ they should now their history although it wasn't sweet. it will be dillema if someday he/she knows about it from other person. it will be hurt them more. so, try to tell them in good way. you already with them and i believe as parents, you will know better way to say it to them :)

OMG Yes!!! as an adoptee that was so hard... she needs to know she is adopteed... even tho she might never find her biological family... she needs to be told... they have been living a lie for 15 years!!!

I think she should be told. My situation is not quite like that but 3 years ago, I found out that my dad is not my birth father. I was 42 years old when I found this out. My mom passed away in September 2004 and I found the following spring. Fate at it that on the day my mom passed away I found her marriage license and found out that she actually married my "dad" six months after I was born. What a shock. When I asked my younger brother about this, his reply was didn't you know that daddy was married before. So I was on a mission to see if my mom was the other woman. What a shock to find out she wasn't the other woman and that she had literally been stood up at the alter. Well my "dad" passed away in 1984, which made me 22. I don't know why my mom didn't tell me then. I know she thought she was protecting me. So here I am 45 years old and I have no clue who my birth father is. I have a last name but it is a very common one. I am up against a clock but I don't know what to do. I can't afford a private investigator. I have emailed every talk show hoping one day someone might pick up my story and help me. I would love for my girls to possibly have a grandparent or other relatives, since they no longer have any grandparents. So the parents should tell especially since they brought her into their lifes. What a wonderful story.

For me, it should not be. If everything is ok or not the child must not be told. But when one of my friend adopted a baby she was told by the social worker and the nuns and the priest that they shuld inform the child. There are those who were told of their real parents, and there were those who were not told. In my observation, it is better not to be told.

I think they should have already told her. I feel that once a child is old enough to understand what adoption is they should be told. The child has a right to know as much about her past as the adoptive parents know.

I think they should absolutely tell her that she is adopted. We adopted our daughter about 2 1/2 years ago. We have already started sharing it with her. I believe that if you don 't tell the child that later on in life when they do find out that they feel that you have lied to them all of their lives. So, why would they believe anything that the parents would tell them. Also, I don't believe in putting down the birth parents. Because the way I view it is that the parents only wanted a better life for my daughter. They loved her enough to try and give her a better life. She was adopted from Guatemala. She wouldn't have half of the stuff that she has here. She is definately special to us. But, I believe she has a much better opportunity here in the US. So, to answer the question, they should have told her as a child. But, since they didn't I think they shoudl share it with her now.