Shutting Up versus Talking: Which one is harder for you and why?

Finland
November 1, 2007 12:36pm CST
I'm not an outgoing person, so when I'm in a new surrounding, I don't usually speak up first unless I'm spoken to or unless I REALLY have to talk. That's why I find it harder to talk rather than shut up most of the time. Especially when I learn a new language, I always want to use the language well, so I have a hard time speaking up for fear of making mistakes. I've tried to amend myself in this area, though, by trying to practise my Finnish (I'm currently learning Finnish) with my mother-in-law. How about you?
4 people like this
16 responses
@tryxiness (4548)
• Philippines
12 Nov 07
Shutting up is more difficult when you know that there is something you need to say or speak up about. :P
2 people like this
• Finland
13 Nov 07
Hi, tryxiness! THANKS for sharing. So shutting up is more difficult for you, eh? Interesting!!!
• United States
2 Nov 07
Hi Ailema, Well I think its harder for me to shut up, while in some instances I can be shy and wont say a word, in others Im very confident and outspoken and will speak up if I feel passionately about something. Its best to by quiet and liste most times, you will definately learn a lot more! You cant really learn or hear anything else if your doing all the talking. lol I admit I do talk a lot, but I do know when its important and I need to stop and listen. Good wishes for you learning Finnish! Im sure your mother in law is enjoying teaching you and helping you to speak it well. Bay Lay Gray xx
1 person likes this
• Finland
3 Nov 07
Hi, Bay! You're SO right about listening and being able to learn a lot more than talking all the time. ;-D It's always good to know when to stop and listen and WHEN TO TALK, too. I have a problem forcing myself to speak, esp. when my hubby's near me, I always want to ask him to speak for me in Finnish ha ha ha ha... THX for your well-wishes! Yeah, my mother-in-law's delighted in trying to talk to me in Finnish he he he he he...;-D
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Nov 07
Hi Ailema, My hubby is really soft spoken and quiet around people. I do most of the talking for us both, he dont have a problem with the language. LOL But when we are at home or just the two of us alone, he talks my head off! I like it though, we have some good talks. I know a few people that talk to much you cannot get a word in edge wise, and thats just annoying. Makes me feel like walking away. Hehe Bay xx
• Finland
4 Nov 07
Hi, Bay! Ooohhhh...so your hubby is quiet around people, but he talks so much when you're alone? Yeah, it's GOOD that he only shows that when he's alone with you...so you're his confidant he he he...plus I also LOVE good and long talks with my loved ones. ;-D I know what you mean about people that talk too much that you can't get a word in between. It IS annoying for me, too...people like that drain my energy, making me feel like a fly on the wall or something he he he he...
1 person likes this
@laurika (4536)
• United States
7 Nov 07
I understand you so good, what you are talking about. I have similar problems, specialy with new language. I am learning english and also other languages as well, but I am too shy to use them, when I go to the store or so, becuase I think my accent is not so nice and I would like to speak like people born in the country. What is not impossible, but I am sure it would take me a lot of years to be able have a aceent liek them and aslo speak with so proper grammar. Also when I am between new people, I would no talk much. I have to come closer to people and then I would start to talk and have no problems. So it is much harder for me to talk like shut up.
1 person likes this
• Finland
8 Nov 07
So you're just like me, eh? *Hi-five* ;-D Yeah, talking like the natives do will take years indeed, plus tons of practice. I've always been better at grammar than spoken English, but I think nowadays I'm getting more and more practice, so they're pretty equal. But I know that my Finnish grammar is better than my spoken Finnish or when I listen to other people. It's easier to understand written Finnish than spoken Finnish 'coz they speak SO FAST he he he he he... THX for sharing! ;-D
@laurika (4536)
• United States
8 Nov 07
yeah I think every new language we learn we say they speak so fast, don't we? You see I hate to leanr grammar, but it is neccesary.
• Finland
8 Nov 07
Yes, that's true. Native speakers always seem to speak so fast, at least in our ears, the beginners of that language he he he... I LOVE grammar, though he he he he he...
7 Nov 07
Shutting up vs. talking: which is harder for me? I guess shutting up is harder, although I'm the quiet and shy type person, thus, I tend to shut up. However, when someone asks me to talk, I sometimes get carried away, maybe because I'm usually quiet. It's a complex system of personality actually. hehe. I agree with you ailema4ever that it's harder to talk or speak up when learning a new language or speaking in a different language. My country, the Philippines, is an archipelago and we have 90 languages. Whenever I go to a different region we have to somehow speak a different language and this gives me some difficulty. Even in our national language Pilipino/ Tagalog, I get stuttery and have a different accent. My accent would be one that is from my province or region. I also learned the French language and I still have difficulty speaking up my thoughts. I just know the simple conversational stuff. I guess I can practice some more, like you do with speaking Finnish. Good for you at least you have your mother-in-law to talk to in Finnish. Here in my province French is not used as a language, I hope to go to some place later on where I can use French. Right now, I'm just enjoying going around my country and trying to speak other local languages.:)
• Finland
7 Nov 07
Hi, skimgurl! I understand what you mean about getting carried away he he he...That's what happens to me when I talk to my friends hi hi hi... Sorry to hear that you can't practise your French too much over there. Maybe you can find an online French friend to write to or something? So the Philippines is similar to Indonesia, then. I come from Indonesia. There are also lots of regional languages in Indonesia, so if you go to a faraway place, the locals will mostly talk in their regional languages as well as Indonesian language. So I understand your "problem" he he he he... GOOD LUCK in practising French! ;-D
8 Nov 07
Hi ailema4ever. Yup Indonesia's an archipelago too, so I guess that's why you also have a lot of languages. This is a good thing because it is easy for us to speak in another language due to our flexibility when we go to another place in our country...hehe. I've tried chatting with some people speaking French online before. I wasn't able to do that anymore. I guess I'll just have to take your advice on that one and have an online buddy whom I can converse with hopefully. Merci!:)
• Finland
9 Nov 07
Yep, that's true about flexibility to speak in another language he he he... GOOD LUCK in finding an online buddy where you can converse in French!!!! :-))))
@woxuexi (137)
• China
6 Nov 07
I'm really talkative if I speak my mother tongue,but when it comes to English then i become pretty shy.Because I'm afraid of making mistakes.So it depends.Hehe,good luck with your finnish~
1 person likes this
• Finland
6 Nov 07
Hi, woxuexi! Yeah, I understand what you mean. When it comes to a new language, it's always hard to force yourself to speak it, eh? Esp. if you feel you're not good enough he he he...THANKS for your well-wishes about my Finnish! ;-D
@woxuexi (137)
• China
7 Nov 07
Haha,yeah,it's impossible for me to be a master of any foreign language.So my goal is to be "just-so-so",that's enough."smile"
• Finland
7 Nov 07
Well, it's good enough if you can communicate with other people that speak that language. After all, that's what a language is for he he he...;-D Have a GREAT day! ;-D
@raychill (6529)
• United States
1 Nov 07
D// None of the above. There are places that I am that I talk a lot. Then there are other places where I don't really talk at all. I can do either pretty easily it's usually just my own choice whether I want to talk or not talk.
1 person likes this
• Finland
1 Nov 07
Hi, raychill, that's AWESOME! I'd love to do that, but most of the time when I'm among strangers or new people, I get tongue-tied...sob sob...especially when they keep on talking in Finnish he he he...I dare not try to make a small talk even in between. I should try to do better!!! :-))))
@raychill (6529)
• United States
1 Nov 07
If I was around people not talking English, I'd probably make the shutup choice rather than talking choice. I know how to speak spanish but very little as I took 4 years of Spanish in school but that was at least 10 years ago. So I don't remember much and I don't know how to speak any other languages. Alas.
• Finland
2 Nov 07
Hi again, raychill! Yeah, it IS not easy to start practising a new language, isn't it? Spanish, eh? COOL!!!! Yeah, if you learnt a language years and years back and you haven't used it much, then you'll tend to forget most of the things about it. That's the bad side about learning a language. You have to keep on practising and using it.
• Canada
12 Nov 07
I can appreciate how it would feel awkward to initiate conversations in a country where there is a language barrier. As I mentioned before it is admirable that you are working hard to settle into your new setting. I am sure you will adapt well. In my case the work I have done..and continue to do involves an even exchange between talking and listening. I am not at all backward about initiating conversations in any setting...but also value the importance of being an attentive listener as well. To me conversation is like a dance...it works best when both sides are cooperating in the process. Wishing you well Hon..take care! Raia
• Finland
13 Nov 07
Hi, Raia! I LOVE your analogy of dance in accordance to conversation. It's true that if both parties don't cooperate, then one of them will feel neglected or drained. THANKS for your well-wishes, Raia!!!
• United States
9 Nov 07
It really depends. I am quite talkative when I'm with my friends, but I don't usually try to start conversations. But if I'm with people I don't know very well, I tend to keep to myself, but I listen, so I hear a lot of things they don't think I do. Thats cool that you're learning Finnish! I'm learning Ameican Sign Language =P All the best, Commonsense0
1 person likes this
• Finland
9 Nov 07
Hi, Commonsense! Oh...you're learning American Sign Language. That's COOL!!!!! THX for your well-wishes about my learning Finnish. GOOD LUCK in learning sign language, as well! And THX for sharing about shutting up versus talking he he he...
@ssh123 (31086)
• India
9 Nov 07
I too like to shut my mouth when I go to a new place or meet a stranger and wait for initiative to come from other side. Once familiar, I keep talking and I also love tolisten. In fact one will gain more if one is a good listener. Your policy is good. You are the first person from finland became friend. Are you originally from Phillipines or China? You look like one.
1 person likes this
• Finland
9 Nov 07
Hi, ssh! You're RIGHT about the fact that one will gain more if one is a good listener. ;-D So you can balance it out between shutting up and talking. GREAT! I'm originally from Indonesia, actually, but you're right, I'm of Chinese descendant. :-))) I moved to Finland 8 months ago to be with my Finnish hubby he he...
@flowerchilde (12533)
• United States
6 Nov 07
I have some strong opinions.. and love to discuss them whenever I get the chance, and then it's hard for me to shut up! Because most folks like to hear just a little snippet now and then, if that, about (religion and politics!) but I have so much to say! :)
1 person likes this
• Finland
6 Nov 07
Hi, flowerchilde! Maybe I should learn from you to talk more he he he he...Well, it's good to be able to express yourself when you have so many things to say. THX for sharing! ;-D
@secretbear (19460)
• Philippines
5 Nov 07
talking is harder for me. and its easier for me to shut up. many times i prefer to shut up than open my mouth and say anything unless i really need to. i usually find it harder to talk when im with my mother and her friends or officemates. sometimes i just feel like being silent. ^.^ however, there are times when i really need to talk, like let out something i feel. that's when i'm feeling happy, when i'm with friends or when i'm very angry. ^__^
1 person likes this
• Finland
5 Nov 07
Hi again, secretbear! Ahhh...so talking is harder for you, as well, eh? HA HA HA HA HA HA...so you talk when you're happy, when you're with friends, or when you're angry? COOL! ;-D At least we have some people to talk to when we need to. That's important! ;-D
@gr8life (6252)
• Malaysia
5 Nov 07
Hello ailema4ever, It is hard for me to shut up rather than to speak up. But, I am quite 'choosy'. I don't speak too much when I first met a stranger or to not-so-close friends. Whenever I am at home, I am the most talkative person that my husband always ask me to shut up *laughs* He says it is hard to live a day without listening to my story! Anyway, he missed that when we stayed apart before *laughs*
1 person likes this
• Finland
5 Nov 07
Hi, gr8life! Ahhhh...so it's harder for you to shut up, eh? Yeah, I also understand that you're "choosy" he he he...I guess generally speaking, women DO talk more than men no matter what he he he he he...;-D I understand that he missed that part of you when you stayed apart before he he he he he he he...;-D
@overhere (515)
• United States
2 Nov 07
I can be very talkative but am happiest in a crowd of people I know. Here in America I have learned to be quieter (lol) as I have to be careful that I am not misunderstood so am much more outgoing with people who know me than casual strangers. It gets hard having to think about even the simplest thing you are saying every day so you have my total admiration learning a new language . Congrats on finding the classes :-)
1 person likes this
• Finland
3 Nov 07
Hi, overhere! Yeah, nothing beats being in a crowd of people we know, doesn't it? ;-D I'm also more outgoing with people who know me. You're wise in learning to be quieter so as not to be misunderstood. ;-D Hey, THANKS for your kind words about my learning a new language he he he...Yup, I'm really eager to learn this language 'coz it's just tough to meet people and you only understand a bit of what they're saying he he he...I wanna understand most of the things they say, if not all of them. ;-D Hope you had a FAB weekend! ;-D
@izathewzia (5139)
• Philippines
2 Nov 07
Same here. I am not also a talkative kind of person. I am more of into thinking than talking. I will think first and analyze the situation before i give my honest opinion. But if it is pure conversation of anything under the sun, I do share my thoughts and humor. But usually with good friends, family, and relatives only. I avoid talking too much so less mistakes on my part.
• Finland
2 Nov 07
Hi, izathewzia! Another thinker here he he he...Yeah, when it's not really something too serious, I also love sharing my thoughts and humour. That's a wise way to do it: less talk, less mistakes. ;-D
@raijin (10371)
• Philippines
2 Nov 07
I don't talk, lest someone or somebody approaches me to engage with a chat. I'm a laid-back type of a person, I prefer to not excess any effort when I really don't have any use for it!;)LoL But I used to be talkative when I was a kid, I just became more aware when growing up. I tend not to talk even when I know of something that people talking is not familiar of, I find it easier to say things when people are in the mood to listen and not just TALK alot!;)
• Finland
2 Nov 07
Hi, raijin!!! Silence is golden anyway he he he he...so it's good not to exert too much effort in talking when it's not useful he he he... Yes, I understand what you mean...I also tend not to talk when people aren't in the mood to listen. It just isn't worth it 'coz they'll only absorb half or even less than half of what you're saying and then they'll keep coming back to whatever they want to tell everybody else. It IS frustrating he he he...
@pinay81 (1537)
• Philippines
1 Nov 07
hi again ailem if the person is close to me like friends my husband,family i usually cannot stop talking everyseconds,every minute always ratatat-tat hehe like armalite but when new people im very shy i dont talk more or except they asked me something that i need to answer:-)
1 person likes this
• Finland
1 Nov 07
Hi, pinay, ahhhaaaa...so you're pretty talkative among your close friends, eh? Well, I can be talkative too among my close friends and hubby, but I find it easy to stop talking, too he he he he he... THX for sharing he he he he...