Inside I am at a loss

Sounds like your husbands needs a lot of self motivation and encouragement not only from you but maybe from his family and friends. Does he have a mentor or someone he talks to regularly and shares with other than you? If there is someone he can share with or help him to get motivated give him confidence, then that might help him to start thinking more positively in himself and his life.

oh you poor thing, it is not easy living under a cloud of negativity I know, I have found that somtimes in life some people need a big shock in life to make them realize life is so short, and you must try and be happy within that life as much as you can, to appreciate what you have unfortunately some people don't wake up until it is too late, I hope things get better for you and your family my thoughts are with you.

Sanell, You poor dear. You have not asked for advice, only thoughts and prayers; and I will add you to my list. But....me being the perpetual mother of butting in must also give a bit of advice. Please don't feel that you have to listen to it. You can just tell me, "Shut Up Old Woman." and put me firmly in my place. Although you say your life is fine right now, I'm not so certain that it is. If it was, you would not have written this post. You are aching inside and you are crying out for a peaceful solution to an ongoing problem. (Here comes the really harsh mother part, I'm sorry) - You say that YOU are making contacts for him, YOU are going slow with him, YOU are being patient with him. This is NOT at all what you are doing. You are ENABLING HIM; and this has got to stop. As long as he sees that he can do nothing and have you do it all and have you suffer with all of the burden while he sits back and gripes that the "right thing just isn't coming" to him; he will continue to do so. Look at what you said at the end of your discussion dear heart. You said that you need to take on more work. If you are going to take on more work while he sits and does nothing; do you really need him? I am not suggesting a divorce by any means. What I am suggesting is that it is time for you to arm yourself with information (use some of the things that I have discussed and elaborate further on them as you know your entire situation), wait until the children are in bed, and tell him that you and he NEED to have a discussion. He is going to defend himself on every level but you must be strong. It could be that the only way you can help him is to either take your children and leave or to ask him to leave temporarily. You cannot be the only functioning adult in the house. Please let me know how things are going for you. I know how hard this is and I am wishing you the very best.~Donna