how to cope

@suehan1 (4355)
Australia
November 5, 2007 5:50am CST
my son 11 years old has just recently lost his father a week ago.his fathers death is suspicious at this time and i have just told my son that his father died in an accident.i have been trying to stay strong at the moment,but break down when ever my sons says something lovely about his father or asks me questions about things relating to his dad.how do you stay strong for your kids?i am finding this time very hard as i have had no time to come to terms with it myself
2 people like this
5 responses
• India
5 Nov 07
I really don’t know how does one stay strong in such situations but I really admire women who are able to take care not only of themselves but of small kids too. Maybe you can find some solace in religion but this is not the time to sit idly and pray…your son needs your attention first and foremost and you are indeed doing your best for him. I hope family and friends (if they are nearby) can provide you some succor in this hour of darkness. Keep connecting with us thru this forum, you will find many more friends here who can at least share a kind word with you.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4355)
• Australia
5 Nov 07
thanks for your kind words.yes my family and friends have been supportive.i think this outlet of speaking to people on mylot will benifit me personally as it will give me strength and encouragement from my friends here .thanks
• India
6 Nov 07
what is your son doing right now? i do believe some sort of engagement (maybe at school) will temporarily keep his mind off his loss. encourage him to go out and mix with his peers and as for you, pls keep connecting and sharing your experiences with us. sudipta
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4355)
• Australia
6 Nov 07
i have allready spoken to the school and the teacher will keep a eye on him and arrange counciling if needed. i also have been given other organizations numbers, such as life line etc.everyone rallys around you which has been wonderful.for me you guys here at mylot have been great and supportive. cheers sue
@fanji008 (782)
• China
6 Nov 07
Well,sorry to hear that. That's really sad for a 11-year old boy.You should try not to think about what bad effects will life brings to you at the time that your husband passed away. Don't cry in front of your son and be strong to support yourself. What's more important,your son needs you and he can't lose you since he's already lost his dad. Find some frineds when you're sad,share the things with them. Don't take them all by yourself. Sometimes that's really hard to put up with only by yourself. I hope everything will go well with you later. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4355)
• Australia
6 Nov 07
thankyou.i think that sharing here with my mylot friends has given me strength and talking to people other then my family and friends and hearing other people's experiences has shown me i am not alone. it is so nice to hear other people's encouraging words,and i trully apreciate it.cheers sue
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
6 Nov 07
I am so sorry, it sounds like you are going through a terrible thing in your life. I don't think you have to stay strong, it is ok to cry, I am not saying become a basket case. But it is important for you son to learn it is ok to cry and if you can't cry at the loss of a parent when can you cry. Explain to him, you miss his father very much and it is hard for you right now, but you know that some day, you will be able to think about him and smile because you had so many good times.
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4355)
• Australia
6 Nov 07
thankyou we both have cried and have spoken about fond memories which is good.i have really appreciated my friends here at mylot and their kind words it has given me strength.cheers sue
@citygirl (1081)
• Canada
6 Nov 07
You poor dear. I take it that your sons father and you were not still a couple, but even so it is hard to take. You need to try to stay strong, but remember it is okay to cry. Try to satisfy your son with answers with out putting the worry and fear on him at least until something is definate. God bless you and hang on Girl you's will get through this with time. I will say a prayer for you both and for his dad. My thoughts are with you.
@suehan1 (4355)
• Australia
6 Nov 07
thankyou for your prayers.yes you are correct we have not been together for a while now.i am lucky my son has been asking questions,which i think is a good thing as he is not going into his shell which i thought he would do.i suppose he has given me strength.thanks for your kind words
• United States
5 Aug 09
Today as I see my kids try to grow up aNand try to look to me for inspiration I know the burdens that must have been on him. How will I survive? I know its up to me whatever my life will finally become, as it always has. I will no longer have that crutch to fall back on. I only hope I can do half as good as he did. I have a long way to catch to where he was with his children us at the same age as I ma now. But hopefully I will be inspired to truly do better. My father performed a miracle to raise three boys and two girls in the 60' as a black man. Although he usually had a steady job as a teacher, we always had to struggle. It will be a new experience. One Im not sure Im ready for physcologiocally but one that I definitely must face sooner or later. Let me be inspired to do better for my son 10 and daughter 8 and 5.