Please and Thank You.
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
United States
November 11, 2007 2:25pm CST
First I just want to apologize if others have started a similar discussion. I could only imagine trying to find it with all the tags that would be labeled please, thank you, courtesy, manners, ect.
I find that a whole lot of people don't use the two basic courtesies anymore. Please and Thank You. Not just adults but children as well - whom lets face it learn from us.
I was wondering why not? Do we take our family are friends for guaranteed so much nowadays that we except them to give us or do for us without a please or a thank you?
This is a pet peeve of mine. If I want someone to do something for me then I say please. And often thank you with the please (if I know they're going to or try to) - then another thank you after they do it (or try to). I just feel like I would want these same courtesy - to feel like I'm not being taken for granted and think others should do the same.
I even 'correct' my family and friends too. Especially the children. If they ask something from someone and don't say please I will say it so they catch on. Most often it works too. It just seems like a lot of us just forget to show our gratitude especially to those we love. And I really believe those are the ones we should be more courteous too. Just to let them know we don't take them for granted.
Now I don't mean full on courteous behavior (like you would a complete stranger you're trying to impress for instance) but simple respect and manners by saying 'please' and 'thank you' I don't think are too much to ask for.
Do you do also correct people? Or do you think it's old fashioned to say those things all the time to people? Do you raise your children to say 'please' when they are asking for something and 'thank you' when they get it or for the effort behind trying to get it? Do you also notice that our manners are steadily getting worse?
This isn't geared towards anyone on here. I was just asking a friend to do something for me and added please and it got me thinking. So I decieded if others agree or disagree with me :)
1 person likes this
7 responses
@Ciniful (1587)
• Canada
12 Nov 07
Personally I always use them, moreso out of habit than anything else at this point. I was raised to always follow up a question with please, and to always say thank you when it was appropriate. Then again, I was raised in a smaller town in farm country where manners were a given. We addressed men as 'sir' and women as 'ma'am' ... and that was just the way things were.
I raise my children to remember their manners, and the odd time they forget, I'm quick to remind them. They know that if they ask me for something and they forget to say please, I simply ignore their request until they remember, lol. And although I hadn't personally noticed the younger generation forgetting their manners more often, I've received a ton of comments about how well mannered my kids are and how rare it is to see it nowadays. Since I don't consider my kids habits extraordinary (they use the terms sir and ma'am, etc), then I'm guessing the people who commented about my children have a comparison of kids who lack manners.
No, I don't correct others ... aside from my kids, simply because I'd find that just as rude as their lack of manners to begin with. It's not my place to parent another adult. I might silently wonder to myself why they didn't inclue that one extra syllable and make their request more courteous, but I won't correct them.
In general though, I don't think manners, or lack of, are any different then they were 10 years ago or 20 years ago. I think that we're just more aware of it as time goes on.
3 people like this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
12 Nov 07
Oh I agree with the excuse me too :)
I guess the reason I do correct them is because it makes them more aware of it. It might be bad manners too but I can't help myself just because it drives me crazy I suppose. And more often than not I whisper it to them. I try not to do it though - unless it is my hubby or my sister but I have corrected others as well.
I think it's wonderful that your children have such great manners. I love seeing children who do. And you might have a point there about us just being more aware of it now.
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
11 Nov 07
Oh I always say please and thank you. Another big one for me is "Excuse me" and "bless you". It makes me crazy when people burp and don't excuse themselves afterwards and I notice a lot of times people don't do this when they're around friends or family or sometimes even co-workers. I sometimes get on my mom for doing that. Like.. you burp, you excuse yourself!
If I ever have kids, they better have manners. Who cares if they don't do their homework, but they better be saying please and thank you!
I think that manners have been decreasing and it's because the adults don't do it and don't teach the kids to do...then those kids grow up not knowing manners and have more kids who don't know manners and the cycle goes on.
Ever see the movie Idiocracy?
I think it's a great view on how we're going to become!
In some ways, not all... but some ways.
2 people like this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
11 Nov 07
Oh Excuse Me is a biggie for me too!
It's a vicious cycle we're creating...but we don't realize it. Well vicious might be harsh but you know what I mean LOL. If I ever have kids I will be the same way. Of course they still have to do their homework too - education will be a big thing in our house too. And the only word my kids will not be allowed to say (at least slung around as often as it normally is) is 'hate'. I despise that word. I have a niece who can say 'I hate you', ect but yet can't play games or say curse words - even on accident. I don't agree with that. As a matter of fact I wouldn't mind it if my kid stubbed their toe and said a curse word. I do it. Just as long as they know when and when NOT to use those words.
I actually have seen that movie!! As over the top it is - we should be more aware of our current actions.
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
12 Nov 07
Well, I was obviously joking about the homework. It was an exaggeration to prove my point that manners are important. ha ha.
You know it's funny, I don't curse and I really don't think much of people who do. Once in a while is kind of whatever, but people who use curse words like it's a part of their regular vocabulary just make me think really low of them. So I'd be pretty upset if my kids used curse words. At the same time, I use the word hate, but not in regards to people...only in regards to things. Not that it makes it ok, but for me it's kind of like cursing when you stub a toe, saying you hate traffic is equivalent.. to me.
I ain't have kids anytime in the near future though so it's not like it'll really matter right now what I want to teach my kids cause I could always change.
2 people like this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
12 Nov 07
Oh I completely understand what you're saying both about cursing and about the word hate. I guess that's what I was really meaning - saying hate in regards to fellow human. And I wouldn't want my kids going around cursing all the time but I wouldn't ground or scold them for saying it when stubbing a toe for instance. I don't want them to grow up with a potty mouth. I use to have one when I in my early twenties and I still can have a go at it. Just a habit I got into but I've been doing better. Driving my hubby crazy though because I've been saying "frick" instead of f*ck (got it from Scrubs LOL). Not that I cursed every other word or anything.
I figured you were kidding about the school thing :)
1 person likes this
@MySpot (2600)
• United States
12 Nov 07
It's not at all old fashioned to have manners or be polite... it's common courtesy that doesn't seem to be all that common anymore.
You're right about the children learning by example too. If you don't live it ~ they don't learn it!
And Yes, I correct people/kids all of the time... if for no other reason, to remind them.
Besides, who doesn't want to know that they are appreciated? Saying "Thanks" is a nice way of showing your appreciation for someone's help. Saying "Please" lets the person know that it isn't 'expected' of them but I still use it when I'm reminding my children of their chores, which are expected and I always say thank you when they've finished, as a way of letting them know that I am pleased that they were being responsible and cooperative.
Nice topic, GG ; )
2 people like this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
13 Nov 07
Thanks MS! Glad to see you :)
I agree with you on the chores thing. I find that things are much more pleasant or acceptable to do when someone adds a please. I'm much more likely to do it - you know?
1 person likes this
@subhadeep (205)
• India
13 Nov 07
Please and Thank you along with sorry are may be the most common words used by us everyday. They can help a lot in making up difficult situations in life but they should never be used too much to take advantage of the situation
2 people like this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
13 Nov 07
Okay...I think that some people - like myself use sorry too much actually.
2 people like this
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
13 Nov 07
I have to agree that there are times sorry is used too often. It stops meaning something. I have never been one to force my kids to say sorry if they are not. I explain WHY they should be sorry, but I leave it up to them to show that they are.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
14 Nov 07
I wholeheartedly agree with everything you've said here.
Howeverm, I would like to tell you something that happened to me and to this day I find it hard to believe.
I used to work as a supermarket checkout operator. One day a woman came through who was nicely dressed, beautifully made up and about 35 plus. She had a little boy with her about 6. He was also nicely dressed and clean and tidy. In amongst the groceries was a toy car which I scanned and handed to the little boy with a smile. He grinned back at me, happily clutching his toy and said "Thankyou". The woman leaned down to him and spoke softly but loudly enough for me to hear, saying "We don't say thankyou to those people". The little boy looked a query at her but she ignored him. He put his head down and looked at his toy. I was embarrassed for some reason and the woman was also ignoring me.
I felt like she thought of me as her servant or something. I don't know why I felt humiliated but I did.
So, I guess for some, courtesy and friendliness are only given to a chosen few by some.
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Sorry I thought I had responded to this already...
That woman as awful! I can't believe that.
2 people like this
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
2 Dec 07
I cannot believe that a person would do that. That is terrible! Oh, I would have had such a hard time continuing to finish ringing her order. You are good person, Ms, to be able to stand there and face the woman after that and not tell her off or cry. What a creep!
See, I just don't believe that any one job is more or less important than another. If we didn't have cashiers it would be hard to get our groceries. If we didn't have janitors it would be a really dirty world, and on the other hand if we didn't have CEOs of big corporations this country wouldn't be the same as we know it. We all intertwine to make the world around us what it is.
1 person likes this
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
13 Nov 07
I have noticed that I am getting way too relaxed about please and thank you with my husband and really close friends. That is sad, now that you point it out. Those people deserves my manners as much, if not more, than strangers.
I do get on my girls, ages 5 and 6, for not saying please and thank you. We are also teaching them proper manners talking to a waiter/ waitress in a restaurant, a cashier, the teller at the bank, etc. I can't stand to see people treating customer service personell as servants.
It is common to see people without manners now. I think that is just another symptom of our "me" society.
2 people like this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
13 Nov 07
I totally agree with you!
I think it's great that you are teaching your kids to respect the service industry workers. So often they get way to much crap...and somebody has to do the job - you know? Not to mention in a lot of places (esp retail and fast food) they don't get paid much money at all for the job.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
2 Dec 07
It's interesting your comment here gnosticgoddess. Isn't it strange how much a big income generates respect and courtesy. A person might be an outright so and so but because he has a high level job he/she is pandered too. But the REAL workers, the bread and butter of a company, are treated like crap and given little or no respect and treated with the attitude.."if you don't lkike the job- leave". To my way of thinking, if companies treated their lowest paid staff with more courtesy and respect (I'm not saying more pay) and stood up for them when customers take umbrage and gave them credit for the job they do then society would begin to have more respect for them as well.
Like you say, there are some people at the bottom of the employment scale but they still are people and they need to feel respected and be treated in a mannerly and couteous fashion.
1 person likes this
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
13 Nov 07
I agree that someone has to do every job. I think we should look up to the people that are willing to "serve" us. In the area I live in garbage men make a really good living. That's the way it should be. If it is a job that not many people are willing to do, it should pay more money. My husband and I own a landscape maintenance company. Some people we used to go to church with looked down on that. I look at it differently, thinking we are making a living off other people being too lazy to go out and do it themselves. That makes us pretty valuable.
2 people like this
