i need help!!
@babygail42988 (79)
Philippines
November 14, 2007 8:48am CST
i am 19 years old. my problem starts with the fact that my parents do not allow me to have a boyfriend. they say that they trust me implicitly but they cannot trust any guy to be my boyfriend. they are afraid that the guy might convince me to sleep with him and get pregnant afterwards. the thing is i have a boyfriend and i love him very much. i want to tell my parents but everytime i mention the word "boyfriend", they freak out. my boyfriend is a great guy and everyone around me can see that he really loves me. i do not doubt that. i want my parents and my boyfriend to get along because i want all my loved ones to get along. what can i do? do you think i should break up with my boyfriend? or do i keep our relationship secret until my parents are ready to accept him? please help me!
10 responses
@try32ends (207)
• India
15 Nov 07
dpk is right indeed!! This is indeed a common problem. All you need to do is take it slow and steady, and try to convince your parents that your decisions wont flout their interests and trust in you. If they trust you implicity, as you say they do, then a time will come, sooner rather than later, when you'll be able to make them realise that nothing you have done has gone beyond that trust. Once that happens, you and your boyfriend and your parents will live happily ever after! Cheers :-)
@try32ends (207)
• India
16 Nov 07
Well must say studying hard is one good way to impress your parents that you are not under any adverse influence. Tell you what, dont take anything too hard. If you really love this person then things will start working out for the better for you. I am sure you'll do well!!
Cheers!!
@babygail42988 (79)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
you know, that's what i'm trying to do. as of now, i'm studying hard so that if the time comes for me to tell them the truth, they can't tell me that my boyfriend was a bad influence to me because i can show them good grades. anyway, tnx a lot!
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
15 Nov 07
Dear, it is a common problem, which is faced by number of teenage girls and girls of your age. Please do not feel guity, if you have a boy friend. Your parents' thinking is based on their own perceptions and experience, so they might be right on their own place. But what you need to do is....you try to convince either your mother or father, with whom you feel closer...that they should have faith on you...they should trust you..you would not betray their trust and you know what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'. If you are able to generate faith about yourself in their minds, I feel they would support you. You need to gain their confidence. You can also tell your parents' thinking to your boy friend too. ...so he may not be caught off guard.
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
16 Nov 07
I am delighted to learn that my advice could help you. Thanks for your encouraging comments.
@babygail42988 (79)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
whew! thanks for the advice! you know, i was kinda feeling guilty about hiding my boyfriend from my parents but after what you told me, i felt like a huge burden on my shoulders has been lifted. oh, and my boyfriend knows about how my parents feel about my having a boyfriend. i thought that it would be better that he knew from the start so that he won't have a hard time understanding our situation. thankfully, he understands my situation.
1 person likes this
@babygail42988 (79)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
i know what you mean. i want to tell my parents that having a boyfriend changes nothing in our relationship and that it's just normal for a girl my age to have one. don't worry! i'll work on the "telling-them-about-my-boyfriend" part. tnx!
@excloudstrife6 (157)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
well.. for me..
if you really feeling in love... well.. i think you should follow your heart.. atleast fight for it..
since you're 19 yrs old already...
decide...
@babygail42988 (79)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
tnx! that's what i want to do but i think that i have to be prepared before doing anything drastic. tnx!
@babygail42988 (79)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
wow! i wish my parents were as open-minded as you. i really want to bring my boyfriend home but i'm afraid that my parents would do something crazy not only to my boyfriend, but also to me. i know it sounds exaggerated but my parents are so overprotective of me, especially my dad. my cousins think that he's just jealous that my boyfriend would take away the attention i give him(my dad).
@keeva2222 (3)
• India
15 Nov 07
well this is gooing to be a very vaky idea that i am goin to tel u
sice ur parents r scared regardin bf. try showin them that in this world there r still some boyz who r really good. show it to them through ur bf(not by tellin them who he really) is in some public places with lot of courtesy and respect and as a cheerfull guy with lot of love for orhers. show them that ur bf is really kind decent and well mannered and other thing which really matters to ur parents. and then when u think that ur parents hav changed introduce them to him
@babygail42988 (79)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
wow! i never thought about that. you know, it hurts me to hear my parents generalize the boys around me. i'm glad that you gave me this idea. thank you so much! i really appreciate it!
@kumar27 (129)
• India
15 Nov 07
you will be ridiculously dealing with the situation if you broach the idea up to break away from him since both of you like each other.
your parents maybe thinking of some unnatural & unexpected situation might create because of your boyfriend which would be too embarrassing to them as long as you are a teenage girl and minor.
keep the matter secret for some more years and as soon as both of you will be stable to find your own way. divulge the truth to them to get them consented.
beware of passion.
@babygail42988 (79)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
that's what i was just thinking. i tried to imagine going through my life without him and you know what? just thinking about it made me cry. probably, waiting for the right time to tell my parents is the best solution, right? tnx for the advice!
@miracleworld (201)
• India
14 Nov 07
hey you should relax and take ur time to do that cause if ur parents freak out about this case , be cool dont let them know time will change them, and beware dont get pregnent.
Regards
harry
@babygail42988 (79)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
yeah! don't worry i won't! i still have lots of goals that i want to achieve before getting married or even before getting pregnant. before i asked for help from you guys, i was kinda thinking along the same lines as you. i thought that maybe the time could help change their mind about my having a boyfriend. tnx for the help!
@dsy1983921 (84)
• China
15 Nov 07
Young boys or girs often do such things, I advise you talk with your parents patiently, to speak what your boyfrien for you ,I think your parents worry about you ,so then would not agree with you to make boyfriend . They are just a course
@babygail42988 (79)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
i'm still trying to get there. i badly want to talk to them about this but they are the ones who keep changing the subject. i know my parents love me and worry about me but sometimes, i wish they could meet me halfway and understand that my having a boyfriend is not the end of the world.
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
14 Nov 07
I think that since you are 19 you should tell your parents that you have a boyfriend and that they need to accept it. You have to live your own life and make your own decisions. How do they expect you to learn to be responsible if they never let you make any decisions. I understand that they are concerned because they love you, but they have to allow you to live your own life.
@babygail42988 (79)
• Philippines
15 Nov 07
i get what you mean. sometimes, experiencing things is better at teaching a person lessons in life rather than sitting inside a classroom and listening to your professor's lecture. tnx!
