Should couples live together before marriage?

Canada
November 15, 2007 10:29am CST
What do you think about this? I don't think it is a bad idea. I would get to learn more about my boyfriend before we tied the not. I would like to know before making it official if he washes his underware in the kitchen sink. Get what I mean.
4 people like this
13 responses
@irene_27 (542)
• Philippines
16 Nov 07
In my country, it is against our moral and religious beliefs although at this time quite a few couples have already been doing this. In my case, i firmly believe in getting married first. but lately i've been contemplating on this because living in could actually spare you of ruining your whole life such as in cases of ending up with the wrong guy. It is because you'll only know the real person once both of you started living under the same roof. I believe in the adage marriage is not like eating rice wherein you can spit it out if it's still hot. You need to be so sure about the guy first before you finally decide to tie the knot.
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
16 Nov 07
I agree with you, that if our society permits it then couple should live together before getting married. It will give them some insight about each other, before marriage. Yes, I understand your apprehensions, when you stay together with your boy friend for days together, you will come to know about his minus and plus points, as well, and you can help him improve his habits, wherever possible.
@ash6666 (819)
• India
16 Nov 07
I admire your opinions allen. you are truely right in all your opinons in this matter
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
17 Nov 07
I did not suggest that you should try to change other person. I know it is very difficult.
1 person likes this
@ellen546 (110)
• United States
16 Nov 07
You can't change another person you have to be able to talk to each other and love each other to work out what the problems are. If the other person doesn't want to change they won't.
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
15 Nov 07
I think it is a good idea to live together first. I was engaged to my highschool boyfriend. Right after we graduated we and two other friends moved into a house together. It didn't take long to realize that we just couldn't live together. We got on each others nerves constantly. Some people just can't live together and then the marriage would not work.
• Canada
16 Nov 07
I agree with you. I'm glad you found that you before you guys made it official. Not everyone is compatible.
1 person likes this
@ellen546 (110)
• United States
16 Nov 07
I don't know your age now, but right out of high school is really to young to understand that being in Love and really loving someone is two different things. In order to work out problems in a calm and caring way is real hard to do. Why did you get on each others nerves, when you where dating did you ever have real conservations about what you expected of each other and really talk to each other about how you fealt about things, or where you to caught up in the romance of dating and friends, school parties and graduation? Stop and think about this and be real honest with yourself.
3 people like this
• United States
16 Nov 07
ellen- Sorry, but you're wrong. Just because it didn't work out does not mean that it was because of their age. In fact, it shows how mature they are to admit that it wouldn't work and moved on. Nor does their age mean that all they cared about was teen parties and friends. There are hundreds of reasons why people can't get along together. Meshing two lives is very hard work even when you're totally compatible. There are always "surprises" and quirks that you just can't stand. Age doesn't change that fact.
1 person likes this
@stacyv81 (5903)
• United States
15 Nov 07
well, in one way, making sure that two can tolerate living together is good. But nowadays so many people are living together first and yet the divorce rate is still 50% in America. So, I am kind of on the fence about what is best. Also, those who live together first it seems sometimes the wedding never happens, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. I have no judgements though, as I live with someone with whom I am not married, but would I do it again? I am not so sure. Not that what we have is bad, just that there is so much to relationships that require a level of committment and dedication so why not get married?
2 people like this
• Canada
16 Nov 07
You make a solid point about the divorce rate. I think people will get married when they are ready. I know 2 diffrent couples, one who didn't live together and were together almost 10 years before getting married and another who new each other 9 years, lived together 4 years and are now married. So it all depends on the person. I also agree that some people don't see the point since they've already lived together for so long and others who think that what they have is better than what marriage has to offer or don't believe in marriage.
1 person likes this
@ellen546 (110)
• United States
16 Nov 07
Getting married is a emounational committment to the other person, its not just a piece of paper it shows the world that you love and care about the person you are with, its a statment saying I love and honor and cherchis this person I'm with.
2 people like this
• New Zealand
16 Nov 07
I think it depends on person's personality and culture. But for me, I will not allow this thing to happen because I was brought by my parents as a conservative type and as Christian, we should get married first before living together...=)
2 people like this
@ellen546 (110)
• United States
16 Nov 07
You are so very right, and a marriage licence isn't a usless piece of paper, its a committment to the other person, that people don't want to believe. It means you have to really love ond work tomake your marrige work, Its what God wants from couples.
1 person likes this
@linben (132)
16 Nov 07
Totally agree with you, marissa. People should get married first before living together, otherwise, it would be sin.
@khateya (263)
• Australia
15 Nov 07
it depend on ur culture. culture tell you that u can live together before marriage or not. living together before marriage can give you more time to know each other rather than just get married and get devorce. But it doesn't mean that not living together you can't learn about each other. It is totally depend on your culture
• Canada
16 Nov 07
It agree with you on a certain level. Culture is an indicator but some people within cultures that have strict rules go against it and do what they want.
1 person likes this
@Ohara_1983 (4117)
• Kuwait
20 Nov 07
for it's not bad idea because myself its same, we stay together then we finally get married, & know we are happy couple with 1 daughter. the thing you will know him /her more before you will finally decide to married
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
17 Nov 07
Well, i believe that there is nothing wrong with it if they are both comfortable with it. Getting married should not be taken just because you have to or because you want to live together. Many marriage failed because both parties dont know each other well. You can keep this advice: You can always get married anytime you want and feel that you are ready. So no need to rush...
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Nov 07
No rushing into marriage here!!!
@elemental69 (1561)
• Ireland
16 Nov 07
I did live with my husband before we were married...I think it is the only way to really find out what a person is like. I person can treat you like a princess when you are dating, but when it comes to living together, will they still treat you like a princess or will they treat you like a slave??? :-)
1 person likes this
• Canada
22 Nov 07
Always better to find out the meat is spoiled before you cook it.
@ellen546 (110)
• United States
16 Nov 07
Even though my husband (of 15 years) and I lived together for a year before we were married I still feal its wrong. It makes it to easy for couples to go their seperate ways over a small disagreament Instead of making a strong commient to a strong and loving realationship that you need to work through problems when they arise. You have to really love and be commineted to someone to work through mistakes and problems that everone will have. You really have to stop and think about how you feel about your partner to make the true commimnent to each other and you have to keep working on your realationship though out sometimes it can be very hard.
@dayzz25 (552)
• United States
16 Nov 07
I think it's a good idea to live with a person first. You never really know someone until you have lived with them. People have certain habbits and you do not see these habbits until you live with them. You may not be able to handle certain things that your significant other does and if you haven't lived with them you will not know.
1 person likes this
@only1shi (404)
• United States
16 Nov 07
I can't speak for everyone, but my husband and I lived together for 2 years before becoming engagaed and another year and a half before becoming married. I think that by living together, you can learn things about each other that would never come up in every day conversations. But I wouldn't suggest moving in unless you think that there's a possiblity that it could become something more seriously. Moving in together is almost like being married. And in some states, if you live under the same roof for more than one year, you are considered common law married and you have certain obligations to each other. If it doesn't work out, you still have to go through the separating of things. Before moving in with anyone, I think that it should be made clear who is financially responsible for what bills. And to establish who gets what in the case that things go sour. If at all possible, I would get things in writing and have it signed. Have each person get a copy so that there is no confussion. No matter how you feel about someone today, that can be changed in an instant. You should always come first.
2 people like this
@chrislotz (8137)
• Canada
7 Dec 07
I live with my hubby and we are not legally married. We don't have that piece of paper that says we are married, but in our hearts we are. And in the law we are married. We are considered commonlaw married. The reason we are not married is because we both were married before and are now divorced. It costs too much money to get a divorce, why pay the lawyers. We have lived together for 11 years now, and maybe one day we might take that leap, but I doubt it. I don't think we will ever break up, we talk out our problems. We don't fight, per say, very much because we have learned from our mistakes we made with our former spouses. Communicate, that's the biggest one for us. We talk a lot about the things in our lives. I think it's a good thing to try living together first before getting married. I think it is the best way to find out if your compatible. To make sure it's going to last.
1 person likes this