Help! My brother & his family may be moving in!
@helpingmomsathome (88)
United States
November 16, 2007 11:02am CST
Help! My younger brother and his family (wife & 2 kids 4 & 1) are about to lose their house to foreclosure. I love them, but they've made a lot of bad decisions. They have already lived with my parents about 1 year ago before they bought the house they're about to lose & my parents won't let them move in again. His wife's parents also won't let them move in with them. The problem is they are sloppy almost to the point of hoarders. I'm talking piles and piles of trash, clothes, personal feminine items, etc. Really sloppy!!! Another problem is one of their daughters is the spawn of satan when the parents are around. She's 4 and hits, draws on the walls with pen and markers, bites, spits, talks back, yells back - totally rebellious - far more so than a normal 4 year old.
The wife has a sister, but can't live with them due to the sister's medical conditions. We are their only other family. We can make room for them as we have a 4 bedroom house, but there are 5 of us plus 2 dogs, and 2 cats. 2 kids will have to share a bedroom which wouldn't be a problem. It would just be really inconvenient.
My big questions are:
Do you think letting them move in would be enabling them to continue their current behavior?
What kind of rules would be appropriate to ask of them? Watching kids, Rent, Help with cooking, cleaning, buying food???
Should we ask them to find a place to rent instead of moving in with us?
What about bankrupcy? Could they possibly claim that?
I'd love some advice:)
1 person likes this
2 responses
@MrsAdvice (623)
• United States
16 Nov 07
OMG, I don't envy your position at all. I would avoid them moving in if at all possible as you will most likely end up enemies. However, not letting them move in could also cause hard feelings, not just with them, but with the rest of the family. You are in a very hard position to be in. I would have to refuse them, there are shelters, the younger brother could join the army and the family would have housing and money, there are motels that rent by the week, but, if you are going to let them move in there needs to be a WRITTEN CONTRACT with a clear date for being out and on their own. There needs to be rules and the rules are no good without consequences. One rule I have in my house that keeps me from having to worry about kids is, "Don't touch anything unless it is specifically given to you to play with." That pretty much covers everything they could destroy. The parents will understand that it is your house and you have the final say on their kids as long as they live in your house. If you find a behavior taking place you do not like they will stand by you and agree with you and put an end to such behavior at once or they will be removed from the home. They will not be using you for maid service, in fact, not only will they pick up after their family, they should be assisting you with the general chores around the house as well. If you are going to charge them anything it would be under the understanding that if they follow the rules and help out the money you are charging will be put into an account to be returned to them when they find a house, as a down-payment. If, however, damages are done, the money will be used to pay for the repairs and they will not be getting it back. This would be clearly worded in a contract so there can be no argument later and all parties, even the children (though not legally binding) should sign it, showing their agreement to cooperate fully. There should be two contracts, one on details of helping out and money and such and one on the behaviors expected from the children. Leave a clause that as a behavior is observed that had not been previously mentioned you reserve the right to add it to the behavior clause later. Be firm. Good Luck.
@helpingmomsathome (88)
• United States
20 Nov 07
Thanks so much for your advice! I'm not sure I could send them to a shelter, but love your idea of a written contract. I also really like your idea of charging them and saving it to use as a down payment or to fix any damages. Even if it's only a small amount of money like $50 a month to cover some paint and carpet repairs. We are still waiting to see what will happen, but my husband and I are pushing them toward bankrupcy as opposed to foreclosure. This way they don't completely mess up their credit for the future.
