help!

United States
November 22, 2007 12:43pm CST
I am 17 years old and I feel like a nanny. My mother and her fiance are always talking about how they want this cleaned and they want that cleaned but they won't clean anything themselves, in fact, they are the ones making the mess. They get upset with me for leaving my homework on a table for fifteen minutes but they leave nasty garbage from fast food and other things on the living room table for days. I don't know what to do because every time I clean and organize everything, even without me around, it becomes a total disaster again. I've tried to just stop cleaning once and she if they realized what they were doing but I ended up just getting grounded for not doing my "jobs", which only involved doing the dishes and taking the trash out (which I did during this time). I had the entire house, including their own bedroom, clean and looking unlived in and I went up north to visit my grandparents and came back to a disaster. I am sick of this and am wondering if anybody knows of any way to get them to pick up after themselves so I can do the same for myself.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@dloveli (4368)
• United States
23 Nov 07
Hey crazy. My mom was the same way and when I turned 18 I moved out. Fortunatley I did have a good job. Have you tried talking to your mom alone? I would clean your mess only. Make sure that nothing of yours is left around not even for 1 minute. Help with the dishes or trash. Make sure that if there is a mess, that none of it is yours. When they begin to complain simply tell them Look I cleaned my part. This part is yours. Dont give attitude. Kill them with kindness. It really works. People seem to become very annoyed when they cant get a rise out of you. Help around the house, but make sure you leave their dishes, clothes, etc. Good Luck Hopefully youll be going to college or moving out soon. Get a job and put away the money for your own apartment. Make sure you dont tell anyone about your intentions. The reason for secrecy is because you dont want to give anyone a reason to antagonize you .
• United States
23 Nov 07
I've tried the whole killing them with kindness thing and that doesn't work with this family. Thanks for your advice though, I have not told anyone in my household about my intentions, only my extended family.
@dloveli (4368)
• United States
23 Nov 07
Good keep your intentions to yourself. I would even be careful that your extended family doesnt repeat something out of concern.
1 person likes this
• China
23 Nov 07
compared to you iam a lucky gril ,i am a chinese student ,seeing all these comments left by native speakers ,but i still plucked my courage to leave a message to you ,maybe it's the difference between different countries ,in China most of the parents view the study so most of them do all the housework to leave much time for their children to study ,but it produce many problems ,we are all not indepent enough to do the things you can do ,to some extent i even envious of you .maybe it will let you strong-willed .i admire you ,because your mum trust you to do so many things ,you know earning others trust is very hard .
1 person likes this
@megumiart (3777)
• United States
22 Nov 07
I have the same problem, well almost. i'm 17 also, and my dad recently ran away from my family, and my grandmother passed away earlier this year. Now I'm left to do all the housework and babysitting. I'm not sure how to help the problem, but I know for sure tears and fighting will not help. :[
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Nov 07
Exactly, my brother is going to be 7 on Christmas Eve and his father (not mine) is going to be going back to jail so he cannot take him every weekend. Now not only are my week days shot (mom is a bartender) but also my weekends. I am babysitting or cleaning constantly. My mom does not care at all if I have any time to myself or with my friends. She also does not care if she makes a mess because she knows that I will clean it up for fear of her attempting to take away my cell phone (which I bought). Things around here are difficult, I can't wait to be 18 (14 days) because then I can move in with my mom's ex-fiance and start saving money to be out on my own. The worse part is that if my brother's dad goes back to jail, then the only days that I have available to work are also gone because on weekends I would normally work and then hang out with my friends. Life sucks.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Nov 07
That's exactly what you need to do, dear crazy. Teach yourself to be independent, be financially intelligent so you can move out as soon as possible. That's the only way for them to learn to clean up their own garbage. I'm concerned about your little brother though, once you move out.
• United States
23 Nov 07
He's easy to please for now. But eventually he'll realize what's going on. I feel guilty for leaving him but I can't stay here forever.
@lucky_witch (2710)
• Philippines
23 Nov 07
That is really hard my dear... I know that this is hard even I am not in the situation. I just think you can talk to your mother heart to heart, let her know everything that you feel. If still nothing happens... then make yourself financially stable, study hard and if you can move out from there then do it...
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 07
I've tried talking to her before, that never works. I've talked to her many times and it never does any good.
@subha12 (18449)
• India
23 Nov 07
Don't do it anymore, they have taken you for granted. Try to spaek with them clearly. I don't know how ur mom can act so cruel with you. let her make understand that you are not going toclean the mess they did.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 07
I've tried talking to her before, it never does any good. That's why I'm trying to come up with different methods.
@Jasmine78 (135)
• United States
23 Nov 07
Try to talk with your mom when she is in good mood. A 17 years girl should have more time to play rather than doing so many housework.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 07
I agree, but I've tried talking to her, it never works. I've tried many times in many different ways and it never does any good.
• United States
22 Nov 07
You should let them know. If they don't listen then record them with a video camera or make a point by mimicing them. If you mimic them you might get grounded. Once you move out they will start to appericate you unless you have younger siblings living with them.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 07
My younger brother is going to be 7 soon and I feel guilty leaving him there because he's easy to please now but eventually he will realize what's going on. I've tried the 'mimic' road and it just doesn't work, I've also tried something my grandmother suggested, being overly nice to them...thanking them for everything "thank you for letting me eat", "thank you for letting me watch tv", "thank you for going grocery shopping". And they got pretty pissed at that too. I'm looking for new methods, so far, nothing has worked.
@dbmax41 (585)
• United States
23 Nov 07
Ask them to do one little thing at a time and never get upset. Dont let them know your upset. Dont hold it in either. Come back here and write it out.
1 person likes this
@eyewitness (1577)
• Netherlands
23 Nov 07
It's not easy but it's better to confront them with the fact.And you know how adults are they never do anything wrong and you're not allowed to confront them with their flaws,but in this case it's better if you do.because now they are always pointing the finger at you and not knowing they are point three fingers back at theirselves. I would also ignore if they ground you for not cleaning let them give the example first. Well i hope this is of help for you.
@bishu_sinha (1459)
• India
23 Nov 07
good sprit, keep it up.
1 person likes this